


More than just a dance

by nightshine72



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dancing, Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gay Remus Lupin, Gay Sirius Black, Get Together, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Pureblood Politics (Harry Potter), Pureblood Society (Harry Potter), Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Teacher!Remus, journalist!Lily, tons of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:35:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 43,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29615082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightshine72/pseuds/nightshine72
Summary: Fingers on his wrist. Warm breath on his neck. Someone moving in time with his steps.When Remus moved out of his quiet hometown to London, he knew the city would pulse with a different rhythm. There would be more people, more possibilities, more challenges, and more conflicts. He hadn’t expected to be quite as involved in them. But sometimes, you just have to pick up the pace and see where the song—or your partner—leads you to. Just, when your partner turns out to be an obnoxious, ridiculously rich, far-out-of-your-league pureblood heir who will certainly bring not only trouble but danger, will you accept the dance?
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 11
Kudos: 80





	1. London

**Author's Note:**

> This story brewed in my head for a while, but for the most part the inspiration came from the song 'English Love Affair' by 5SOS, and this fanart https://www.pinterest.de/pin/588493876304662792/  
> Warnings for mentions of child abuse, homophobia, and depression, though I'll put them up again for the individual chapters.  
> Other than that, I hope you have as much fun reading it as I had writing it. It's often ridiculously cute, but in my opinion wolfstar always deserves some fluff, don't they? Feedback is much appreciated since this will be my first completed published work. It's all done and I'll just post the chapters over the next days, so don't panic that I'll leave it incomplete. I love this story too much to deprive my fellow fandom-ers of the joy I hope it will bring you.

The first London club Remus walked into looked immediately different from any other nightclub he had ever seen. Admittedly, he only knew the one in his hometown and a few in close villages. London was a city buzzing with travellers and tourists, businessmen and runaways who hoped for better chances in a larger town. Royalty lived here.

Well, not exactly here. This bar would never host royalty; otherwise Remus wouldn’t be able to afford a glass of water. He walked down the few steps from the street, carefully ducking his head under the transom. He didn’t trust doorframes built for averagely tall people.

Inside the air was thick and heavy, but after the clammy rain outside Remus was thankful for the warmth. It was pretty full, as far as he could see, but that was mostly the dance floor. A few tables were free. He passed by at the bar, took the cheapest beverage the bartender recommended, and walked around the dance area to take a seat at a table at the opposite wall. Really relaxing for the first time since he’d arrived this afternoon, Remus sipped at his beer and watched the people in this new, loud, strange city.

The music was more of his taste than what they usually played in the village, he noticed. Unconstrained. Modern. Wilder. The dancefloor was full, though he couldn’t easily identify who was tourist and who was from here. All of the guests, though, looked like they had chosen this bar for the same reason Remus did: it was cheap.

It had been a fight with his parents until he could come here. They didn’t understand why he had wanted to leave. Remus sighed and took another sip of his beer. He would have to find work as soon as possible or they would call him back. But Lily, who wanted to accompany him on the job hunt, would arrive only in three days. Until then, he was going to enjoy himself.

When he had drained his glass, savouring every mouthful since this would be the only one he’d get tonight, Remus slowly stood up to join the people on the dancefloor. It was still packed, but that suited him just fine. The bigger the crowd, the less attention he’d get. His feet had itched as soon as he heard the music. Remus wasn’t a professional dancer or anything, but he certainly enjoyed it. His mother had taught him when he was still a small boy, and he had never stopped. Now, between the people and the beats and the steps, all the stress and tension from the journey flowed away.

At some point during the second song, or maybe it was the third or fourth, a body pressed against his from behind. Remus tensed. People bumped into each other all the time, but this was different. This was deliberate.

“Relax,” a low voice murmured in his ear, “you’re losing the rhythm.” The man gave a nudge with his right hip to propel Remus’s leg forward again after he’d faltered.

To say Remus hadn’t expected this would be an understatement. Not only did he not see himself as a guy who drew attention, but also had he deliberately _not_ chosen a gay bar on his first day here. He’d been looking for drinks and music, nothing more. Everything… _more_ was still far out of his comfort zone. Remus knew larger cities were a few steps further with acceptance and representation, but he hadn’t expected getting hit on by a man in a normal club. Either this guy didn’t give a fuck about social expectations, or Remus’s village lived a few centuries farther in the past than he’d originally thought.

All this raced through his mind as he picked up the pace again. The man behind him copied his movements, never more than one or two centimetres away. Remus could feel his breath on the nape of his neck—the guy had to be shorter than him. He narrowed his eyes. Being hit on was one thing, but not even seeing who he was dancing (very closely) with was another thing altogether.

With a quick series of steps and turns, he brought himself behind the man and a little distance between them. While the stranger was still registering what had happened, Remus took time to observe him from behind. The guy was, like he had guessed, a good deal shorter than him—but also broader. His glossy black hair spilled over his shoulders. The loose tank top didn’t hide that he was rather slim, but it also revealed toned arms. The muscles there tensed when he froze in his steps. The guy whirled around. Remus smirked at him. He wouldn’t play along any longer, not like this. Now Remus only wondered how the stranger would deal with that.

To his surprise, the man grinned right back after a moment of wide-eyed staring, caught off guard but more impressed than repelled by Remus’s offense. He crossed the few steps distance between them until only a cushion of air separated them, and aligned his steps with Remus’s movements again. Remus had never stopped dancing.

After that, everything around them blurred. Other people were only noticed if they were in his way. Remus was too caught up in whatever it was he was doing with the other man—dancing, of course, but also testing each other, challenging abilities and intentions, but most of all enjoying themselves. Enjoying each other.

Remus had always seen dancing as something he did alone. Even in a crowd in the small club at home, he was still focused on himself. He had done dance classes—most of them with Lily as a partner—but he was still moving for himself, around someone else. Now he was moving _with_ someone else. Remus was aware of this second body at every moment, whether it was in front of him, behind him, next to him, touching or not.

Eye contact was sparse; a smirk flashed at Remus when the stranger dived below his arm unexpectedly, a sideways glance thrown over one shoulder, a grey eye glinting silver momentarily when the man was spinning. After a more adventurous move of Remus, during which he left his unsuspecting dance partner disoriented and confused, the man burst out laughing. Remus grinned down at him. The guy shook his head before retaliating with his own skills.

He ended up behind Remus again, and Remus could feel it when he stilled. Fingers closed around Remus’s wrist, but otherwise they didn’t touch anywhere. His breath caught anyway when he felt the lips near his neck again. He didn’t turn his head.

“Thank you,” the man breathed, and he was gone. Remus didn’t hear his retreating steps in all this noise, but the empty space where he had been so sure of another’s presence until now couldn’t lie.

Reality hit Remus again like a brick. His ears really tuned in on the music, his eyes caught up with the colours and movements, and he became uncomfortably aware of all the people around him. He felt trapped.

Remus fought through the crowd to get back to his table, grabbed his jacket, and got out of there as fast as he could. He didn’t expect to find the stranger outside, but as he stood outside of the nightclub, breathing the fresh air, he wondered if he had hoped.

Despite the occasional group of drunks and passing cars, everything seemed painfully quiet on the way back to his apartment. The rush of the music, the heat, the constant movement was gone. It was too calm. The sharp cold he had craved when he’d hurried outside was replaced by a rain that soaked his coat completely. The shutting of the apartment door behind him echoed in the entire flat. The contrast between the crowds of people and being alone was deafening.

Despite being dead tired, Remus put on some music on his phone (he didn’t have speakers yet) to combat the silence.

He was restless the entire next day, barely noticing the city around him. The chaos of big streets and thousands of people only matched the mess in his mind. Should he return tonight? As much as he had liked it, it also scared him. It had been a dance, only a dance. He shouldn’t think so much about one dance. The stranger had probably already forgotten it, found another partner to dance with this evening. That thought, out of all, made Remus sick enough to abandon any intentions of going out. He stayed inside and distracted himself with a book and research for open job positions.

The day after that he had a job interview scheduled. It didn’t go very well, so he used his bad mood as an excuse to hide in his flat again. Tomorrow Lily would arrive, and she sure as hell would want to go out. Despite the minimal probability of meeting the same person again in a city of millions, the thought now positively terrified him.

Not only the possibility of meeting him again; also the option of _not_ meeting him. Remus didn’t think he could enjoy dancing in the same way now he did before. He groaned and shut his laptop. It was late and his concentration was gone, though the one thing wasn’t related to the other. It was best if he went to sleep. You couldn’t overthink while sleeping.

In the morning Remus focused deliberately on what he was doing: brushing his teeth, dressing, making coffee, has he got everything? To the Underground station, finally meeting Lily at Kings Cross.

“Hey, Remus!” She was waving excitedly with one hand, pulling her suitcase with the other. Lily looked like summer and optimism and fun and energy. “What’ve you been up to the past few days?”

“Just finding my way around the place,” Remus smiled. “Not much going on without you.” For a moment he wanted to take the suitcase for her, but this was Lily and she’d probably hit him if he tried.

She pushed the sunglasses perched on top of her head down on her nose and grinned. “Let’s shake this city up, then!”

After they had loaded off her baggage in their apartment, Lily dragged him from one favourite place to the next. She obviously hadn’t forgotten anything in her time away, and provided Remus with a running commentary on what had changed, what had stayed, what she used to do here and in that café over there and there is the restaurant I used to go to with friends, and look, Remus, I watched so many movies in that cinema.

Remus was grateful for it. He felt like he got to know the city through Lily, and living here would be easier because of it. Apart from that, her enthusiasm meant he didn’t have to talk so much. Which was good, because no matter how interested he was in Lily’s stories, some part of his brain drifted onto a dancefloor now and then.

“Oh my, I’m knackered.” Lily sighed when they finally returned after a late dinner on one of the markets. She fell on her bed so that the springs screeched and pillows jumped into the air. “I don’t think I’m down for dancing tonight, Remus. My feet’ll hate me.”

“It’s ok,” Remus chuckled. “I’m exhausted, too. And we’re having a lot to do tomorrow.”

“Yeah, though I can’t wait for a free day when we’ll have some time do buy proper furniture and stuff.” She sat up and looked around their almost empty flat. “This is just depressing.”

“I’ll see if I can find any announcements online. Maybe someone’s clearing out.”

While he surfed the net, thankful to look for something other than open positions once, Lily wandered humming through the rooms with a toothbrush in her mouth. Remus was still working when she got ready for bed. Her breathing had long since evened out before he closed his laptop. Even after that he listened to her quiet snores for at least an hour while he tried to decide whether he was relieved or disappointed that Lily hadn’t wanted to go out.

As much as Lily could have fun with her friends well into the night, she was also able to jump out of bed with the first rays of sun. Sometimes she looked like she _was_ the sun. Remus didn’t understand how she did it. He couldn’t even convince himself to leave his covers when he had gone to sleep early for a change.

So he was still dizzily drifting somewhere between awake and asleep when Lily groaned loudly from the doorway. Paper ripped, and she let out a string of swearwords even Remus couldn’t have come up with. She had certainly put her two years in Scotland to good use.

Remus stuck his head out from under his covers and watched Lily bemusedly as she stomped into the room, positively fuming, an open envelope and a slip of paper in her hand.

“And what, if I may ask, requires such eloquence early in the morning?”

Lily threw him a glance that could have burned holes into the wall behind him. “Shut up and get ready, Lupin. I need a coffee to cope with this. A good one.”

Twenty minutes later—an accomplishment only possible by Remus’s fear of Lily’s rage—they were sitting in Lily’s favourite coffee shop, the one she had told him about already when they were still in Scotland. Her order had been too complicated for Remus to follow, so he just asked for a Caffè mocha. Everything was better with chocolate in it.

“Care to tell me what’s so horrible?” Remus dared to ask after Lily had taken her first sips. She sighed.

“It’s not exactly horrible, not from an objective point of view. I just don’t like it.”

“That’s not helping me much, Lily. Spill.”

She stirred her drink, taking her time to answer. “Back in high school I was engaged in a lot of social stuff already. You know, volunteering in my free time, went to demonstrations with my friends, spoke about social justice and problems of this city at events. Part of the reason I got the scholarship for my year away.”

Remus nodded. He already knew there was no holding Lily back when she saw injustice somewhere.

“Anyway, the point is, since I was so active in political affairs, people started to notice me. I got in contact with a few of the… influential people here. And not in a good way, mostly.” She laughed. “I hated their guts. Still do. Selfish power-hungry bastards.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “What kind of people are we talking about here?”

“London is an old city, Remus. Some families have lived here for generations. They have a name. They have influence. Almost everyone with any position of power in this city is one of them. They also have an awful lot of money.”

“And what have they done to deserve your wrath?”

“They’re noble. They’re noble, and they know it. They think they’re better than the ‘lower people’, think their relations to royalty can get them out of anything.” She smiled bitterly. “And they’re right, mostly. Either they buy their way out of anything, or people are too afraid to say something against them. They have connections everywhere. Say the something wrong about them and you’re rid of your job faster than you can say ‘pureblood’. Because that’s how they see themselves. Pure, and noble, and everyone else is dirt on their shoes.”

With all the disgust in her voice Remus was surprised she could still enjoy her coffee. “I didn’t care about a job, since I was still in high school. And anyway, I was practically a child. But I had pulled their names through some mood in my speeches, so I guess they had to show their willingness to cooperate with the youth, to take interest in the matters that the people are interested in. Not that those haughty pricks could ever care about anything but power; it was just good political representation.”

“So you worked with them?”

She scoffed. “There wasn’t much ‘work’, since they had no intentions of changing anything. I was there for photos, mostly, as I soon found out. Went through all the press. Young activist invited at the most stuck-up of events, shaking hands with the head of one of London’s most ancient and wealthiest families.” She shook her head. “I didn’t think they’d remember me.”

Remus’s eyes went wide. “They’ve sent a letter? One day after you came back?”

Lily’s brows furrowed. “Yeah. No idea why they’d know, or take interest in it.”

“Are they threatening you or something, now that you want to live and work here?”

“No, no. At least, I don’t think so. It’s just an invitation.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “To what?”

“A ball. The annual ball where nearly everyone who has any kind of claim on noble blood will show up. It’s a major political event, as you might guess.”

“When is it?”

Lily scanned the paper again. “Tomorrow.”

“That’s…short-term notification.”

She nodded grimly. “No surprise if I don’t show up, then.”

Remus considered carefully while Lily used the spoon to get to the last milk foam on the bottom of her cup. “I think you should.”

She slumped back in her chair suddenly and buried her face in her hands. “I know I should. I just don’t want anything to do with this again,” she said through her fingers.

“Lily, they might be on careful neutral terms with you right now, starting off anew and all that—but if you don’t go to that oh-so-important ball right now, that’s a straight up insult.”

“I just…feel so out of place there. These people are all so – so _fake,_ it’s torture to be in the same room with them. And there won’t be many _normal_ people around. I’ll be alone between political robots all night.”

“Well…” Remus swirled the rest of the coffee in his cup, a smug smile playing around his lips. “I might have an idea about that.”

“Remus,” Lily asked, suspicion growing on her face, “what kind of idea is that?”

“It _is_ a ball.” he said, looking up at her with a glint in his eyes. “They certainly can’t expect you to show up without a date, can they?”

Lily blinked once, understanding dawning upon her. “Remus John Lupin,” she said slowly. “That’s brilliant and unbelievably dumb at the same time. Brilliant because we’d still be playing after their own rules, but dumb because I’d pull you into this.” She shook her head. “They don’t know you yet. It’s better to keep it that way.”

“Oh, come on, Lily. They won’t start spying on me just because I accompanied you to a ball. And besides, I want to see for myself what’s so horrible about them.”

Lily twirled a strand of red hair around her finger. “I’m not sure, Remus…”

“We’ll stay in the background. I don’t think you had any intention of giving speeches there anyway, did you?”

She smiled, giving in. “Probably not. I’ll try to keep my mouth shut this time. At least for now,” she added as an afterthought.

Remus laughed. “I don’t expect you can last long, but we’ll get through one evening.”


	2. The Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I think it's clear from the chapter title what happens next. But here, for the first time, we'll get to see how things look from our favourite posh pureblood-richboy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for implied child abuse and unhappy family issues all around.

“Lily, you look…killer.”

“Thanks, that’s what I was going for.” She flipped her hair back and observed him in the mirror. “You don’t look bad yourself.”

Remus looked doubtfully down at his borrowed tuxedo. One of Lily’s old friends had been so kind to lend it to him for the evening. “It’s a bit large,” he said, but at least it was fairly new. Not faded with age, or crinkly, or patched. No, this suit was still crisp black and more expensive than Remus could ever have afforded.

Lily raised an eyebrow and turned around. “Remus. You could tell me you were CEO in that suit and I’d believe you. You look sharp.”

“Thanks,” he mumbled, blushing at the compliment.

Lily laughed. “Boost up the confidence, Re. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.”

Remus nodded, taking a deep breath. “Ready? We should go.”

To celebrate the occasion—and to appear not just as broke as they were—they paid for the luxury of a cab instead of taking the Tube. Remus helped Lily out of the car (not that she needed it) and her hand stayed put on his arm from there on. For comfort, mostly. Both of them didn’t particularly enjoy being in this strange environment.

The ball was held in a residence of one of the most powerful old families of London. The Blacks were not so much a high standard for all noble families in the area, but more the unattainable ideal. No one could compare with their rich history, their pureblood policy, their influence, and bank account. As Remus walked through the front garden (more like park) with Lily, he couldn’t believe anyone had the money to have a house like this, let alone several.

Lily greeted some people and talked a little bit while Remus mostly shook hands. At the beginning he also smiled, but he quickly realized that was not the standard in these circles. Or, at least, no real smile. The ballroom was comfortably heated, but there wasn’t any warmth between the people. He could understand why Lily had called them political robots. Remus would soon feel like one, too, if the small talk went on any longer.

Luckily, four or five servants—Christ, who had _servants_ nowadays?—in cream white suits approached the group Lily and he stood in, and led everyone to their seats. The oval tables surrounded three sides of the dancefloor, each one providing seats for ten to fifteen people. Remus didn’t know anyone they were placed with, but Lily at least nodded at one woman from the younger generation.

At the fourth wall—Remus had to turn on his seat to see it—stood one long table that stretched over the complete length of one of the shorter sides of the ballroom. “The host family,” Lily whispered in his ear. All the guests had turned when the head of the family, Orion Black had stood up. To his left, his wife, in a long, lustrous dress of dark green velvet, sat as straight as if her spine was a cane. On her other side sat a young man—almost a boy, really—a little younger than Remus. Same posture, same blank, cold expression as his mother. But his features seemed familiar; the pale skin, the slim face, the dark eyes, the sharp, high cheekbones. Remus looked down the other side of the table; on Orion Black’s other side, almost hidden by his father’s body from Remus’s point of view, another Black son. So much like his younger brother, though his whole demeanour was different; he was almost slouching in his chair, but with a kind of careless elegance he couldn’t seem to shake. He looked bored, as if he couldn’t wait for this to be over. The clothing was still on point. So much like his younger brother, and yet so different. So much like the stranger who had danced with Remus, and yet so different. No, it couldn’t be. No member of this family would hang around that kind of night club. His hair – but it’s just pulled back – he hadn’t even been able to see his face clearly in the blinking, colour-changing light – but those eyes –

Orion Black raised his glass to the guests. “Let us celebrate,” He began. He didn’t need to raise his voice. The entire room had fallen silent as soon as he had stood up. “Let us celebrate another year of unalterable cohesion between the pure families. The ancient ones. The true ones. With the increasing acceptance of feculence in the city and the world, demanding the things that their kind never had any right to attain, it is our duty—and honour—to carry on the traditions that have made our families strong for centuries. Any kind of”—he paused—“impurity”—his gaze swept across the room, as if he wanted to find a misbehaving schoolboy—“will lead to weakness. I am glad to be in the company of noble people who would never tolerate this.” He raised his glass higher. “Toujour pur.”

The feast began.

Remus used the surrounding clatter of plates and upcoming chatter to whisper to Lily.

“It’s like he’s talking about race horses,”

“That’s the Blacks for you. Everyone here, really. Though I didn’t think he would be quite as direct when I’m here,” Lily muttered, brows furrowed. “It’s not exactly diplomatic to call someone filth.”

“Maybe he doesn’t know you’re here,” Remus whispered back.

“More likely he doesn’t care.”

If Mr. Black knew Lily was here, Remus thought, then that comment about ‘demanding the things that their kind never had any right to attain’ was most likely a warning. _Keep your head down, silly girl. You’ll lose. We’ll win. This is how it has always been._

But once everyone started eating, Remus couldn’t keep his thoughts on this topic for long. He was distracted by the realization that by turning to his food,he wouldn’t be able to see the table with the Black family (more specifically their oldest son) anymore, and that bothered him. His attention was used up equally by freaking out about the fact that it bothered him and not letting Lily notice. He couldn’t tell her, not about this. It was going to be a long evening.

* * *

Sirius was glad for the long, narrow table where people could only sit on one side—even though it meant a whole crowd of people could watch him eating. That was the reason for it, after all; displaying the noble Black family in all its glory. But, luckily, it also meant that whoever sat at that table could only hold a conversation with the two people right next to them. Sirius’s father had no intention of talking to him (a mutual agreement they only broke to fight with each other, which would not happen in public). Sirius’s only problem was the person to his right. Bellatrix, his cousin, alternated in making haughty, degrading comments about the people in town and breaking out into shrill, hysterical laughter for apparently no reason at all. Sirius ate in silence and dashed off as soon as it was socially acceptable to stand up, leaving his dessert untouched.

He flopped down next to his friend, who stared into the crowd of people with a pained look on his face. “What’re you lookin’ at, Prongs?”

James didn’t move his eyes from the dancefloor, but took another sip out of his whiskey glass His wineglass had been abandoned, still half-full. “This was supposed to be my happiest day since two years ago,” he said miserably.

Sirius grabbed the bottle and poured himself one, too. He’d need it to get through the evening. “Evans didn’t come?” he asked. James had romanticised about his perfect plan copiously in front of him. A ball just two days after she returned. Enough time for her to settle in, but not wasting any. Ask her to dance. Honestly, Sirius was glad Lily was back even though he’d hardly ever spoken two words with her, just because his best friend had been insufferable the last few weeks, if not the whole two years she’d been away.

“Oh, she came alright,” James growled, staring darkly at the dancers. “with a _date._ ”

Sirius almost spluttered into his glass, but James didn’t notice anything anyway. “You couldn’t expect her to stay single forever, Prongs. I’m not sure you noticed, but she never seemed as smitten with you as you were with her.” He thought back to the one occasion where Lily had called James an arrogant dickhead and looked as if she was about to slap him. Luckily there hadn’t been any cameras around.

“She’d have come around eventually,” James said. “Really, a _Scot?_ What does he have? A stupid accent and a kilt, that’s what.”

“Maybe she likes men in skirts,” Sirius mused, tipping back his chair on two legs and staring at the ceiling. The crystal chandeliers didn’t have one grain of dust on them. “You should try it sometimes, Prongs. I bet it’d suit you.” James reached back to hit him on the arm. He would have aimed for the back of his head, but that would have been too obvious. Inappropriate behaviour for two future heads of noble families. Not that James’s parents would’ve minded; they hated this entire circus just as much as the two boys did.

“This was supposed to be the evening where I tell her. That nothing has changed.”

“Well, you can still ask her to dance,” Sirius said innocently.

James turned around suddenly, glaring at him. “You know what, Pads? I will.” And with that, he stood up and stalked away.

Sirius, shocked, crashed the front legs of his chair back on the ground and jumped up. He was conflicted between shouting, “What? Prongs, no!” and “Oh, I’ve got to see this,” but first he had to catch up to his best friend. Hurrying through the tables, he lost valuable time shaking off important people who stopped him here and there. When he caught sight of James again, his idiot of a best friend was already talking to a slightly fuming Lily, and next to them stood—oh.

Sirius backtracked immediately without thinking about it. He blatantly ignored two other noble middle-aged man who approached him with their daughters on their arms, and Sirius—not stormed, Blacks didn’t storm—but walked determinedly out of the ballroom.

The cool summer night air hit him unexpectedly. Sirius hadn’t looked where he was going, his mind filled with more memories than one night should give. He could imagine it vividly; other bodies surrounding him, all out of focus, all except one. Skilled, flowing movements, so easy to keep in sync with. A hand that gave him the push he needed to twirl, and pulled him back in safely. A warm back pressing against his chest. In a heartbeat, an amber eye glinting golden. The smug, confident smirk that appeared after he had tricked Sirius. So in contrast with the hesitant smile he’d seen just now in the ballroom. A smile too shy on such a tall man, but fitting his long limbs and the curly hair that fell over his eyes.

Sirius couldn’t _not_ imagine it, in fact. With each step he made, he was back on the dancefloor of a shabby bar that played good music and allowed him to hide from his parents. Sirius sighed, putting his forearms on the rail of the patio, and lowered his head. Hiding from his parents, just as he’d like to do now. But he wouldn’t get away with missing for too long, he was sure of it. This was the evening of political connections. His parents wanted him to talk to people, to represent the House of Black as the heir he was. His father had spent many hours questioning Sirius and Regulus on about every person, alive or dead, who had ever been in this ballroom—but not as many hours as the brothers had needed to memorize it first. His mother had drilled them in the art of polite and goal-oriented small talk since they were 5, as well as every kind of dance there was. Except the fun kind, of course.

“There you are!”

Sirius groaned inwardly. Speaking of the devil.

“It is good I find you out here, actually,” his mother continued. Sirius furrowed his brows. Whenever his mother said that something was good, it usually wasn’t. “I wanted to talk to you before the ball, but you were nowhere to find.” Yes, Sirius mused, that had been his intention when he tried to come as late as possible without actually _being_ late, and his plan had worked fabulously. “You will come inside now and behave like the heir you are. This year’s ball is even more important than usual for us.”

“And why is that, mother?”

“The ball is not only to celebrate long-established connections, but also to form new ones. Alliances between noble families have been formed this way for – “

 _“What?”_ gasped Sirius when he understood what she was talking about.

“Don’t interrupt me. You are twenty already, and as the future head of the family it is time for you to find a suitable wife and carry on the traditions of the Black family. A dance is the first chance to test possible candidates, since every family in there”—she waved her silver-ringed hand dismissively in the direction of the ballroom—“would be glad to marry into the House of Black.”

Sirius had clenched his jaw while she talked, so hard that his teeth hurt now. He stood up straight before his mother, just out of reach, and held her stale gaze when he said, “I will not dance, mother.”

It was more than a denial to dance. It was more than a disobedience of his mother. It was a denial of traditions, a refusal to marry, to give on the family name. It was more, and they both knew it. Walburga Black grabbed his arm, nails digging into his flesh through the suit jacket. She yanked him closer hiss into his ear. “I don’t care if you dance with one girl and stay with her, or if you ask every girl in the room before you marry one, but you _will_ dance.”

Sirius stared after her when she walked down the hallway again, long robes swishing behind her. He would have liked to say he couldn’t believe it. The worst thing was, he could believe it. He could definitely believe his parents would force him to marry at twenty. Now that he thought about it, he felt a kind of cold surprise that they didn’t marry him off as soon as he turned eighteen.

His arm burned where her nails had cut into it, reminding him firmly that if he did not dance at least once tonight he would pay for it. It would be the smart choice. Dance with a few girls, not choosing or favouring anybody, to calm his parents but push off this marriage thing for now. But Sirius couldn’t do it. Dancing was supposed to be fun. Sure, it was traditional at events like these, but it was Sirius’s last piece of joy. He wouldn’t let his mother suck that out of him for family policy reasons.

The less-smart but minimal-requirement choice was to go back inside, talk to a few people, and wait until it was over. But when Sirius stepped through the doorway again and heard the distant music and the chattering of a hundred voices, he suddenly remembered why he’d fled the ballroom in the first place. He froze in his tracks. Those amber eyes. Chances he sees you. Chances he’s seen you already. Sirius changed directions and started to breathe again only when he was sitting in his car, speeding down the driveway with the Black manor in his back.


	3. International Club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No CWs for this one, except maybe a little anxious-panic-y thoughts. Nothing major, though.

“ – such an _asshole,_ luring me there under the pretence of politic. Oh, it’s exactly how all of them play, those sly, manipulative cowards, I can’t believe it!” Lily went on without taking a breath while she walked around the flat, pulling out her earrings and kicking of her shoes along the way. Remus removed his suit silently, calm on the outside but his mind whirring with supressed emotions that made his hands tremble. “Just tired,” he had told Lily when she had mentioned he was awfully quiet in the taxi, and she had continued venting about this Potter bloke who she obviously knew already.

Once under the blanket, turned to the wall, Remus could no longer hold it at bay. It’s ridiculous, he told himself. They’d met once and danced with each other, it had probably meant nothing to the other man. He tried not to think about what it meant to himself. Still, Remus had been one between a hundred people in the crowd. Sirius Black—Remus swallowed at the newly learned name—probably hadn’t even seen him. He was busy talking to all his pureblood associates, one of the most important people there. Thinking back to the ball, and how he and Lily had killed most of their time there by fleeing onto the dancefloor, Remus was kind of relieved that he didn’t have to see _him_ dancing with some girl. Someone other than Remus. On the other hand Remus was disappointed he _hadn’t_ seen it. Firstly he couldn’t wrap his brain around this guy waltzing through a ballroom after that performance at the club, but secondly, and more importantly, that fucking _suit_ and how he _moved_ in it.

But even if it was probably better that Remus hadn’t seen him closely all evening, he couldn’t stop asking himself, in the back of his mind, if the Sirius Black had stayed out of Remus’s way on purpose because he didn’t want to be seen with him. It tore Remus apart to think he’d be that kind of guy. He didn’t _want_ to believe it, but really, what did he have to base his assumptions on? One dance at a club? And with a family like that, how could he be anything else?

No matter how much it would hurt him, how irrational it was, when Remus shivered under the blanket from panic and overthinking, tense and rigid, there came this voice, playing in his ear on repeat, that said _“Relax. You’re losing the rhythm.”_ And Remus shuddered, but all the muscles in his body unclenched and he couldn’t have stopped it if he’d tried.

He focused on the job hunt with Lily and they were actually fairly successful. Remus got a few job interviews scheduled and Lily was asked by two journals and one teen magazine to submit some of her articles. She said she’d prefer one of the journals since it was more professional, but a teen magazine could also be a fun step in between. She had just graduated, after all.

A week later Remus got accepted at a school that had a shortage of teachers. His work (and pay) would be more that of an assistant at first, which was okay since he didn’t have much experience, but Lily insisted on celebrating nonetheless. And so Remus did the buttons of his shirt with trembling fingers on Friday night and fumbled with his keys while he waited for Lily to come out of the bathroom.

“Why so nervous, Mr. Lupin?” she asked when she emerged. “First time partying in a club that can house more than twenty people?” Remus grinned a little when he remembered the first time Lily had entered what counted as the ‘night club’ in his hometown. She had laughed. Really, she had stood in the doorway and laughed.

“Just wondering whether I can live up to London’s standards,” he said. Of course he hadn’t told Lily that he’d already gone out on his first evening here. He wasn’t usually bad at lying, but not in front of Lily. And anyway, he didn’t think he could talk about that evening without the words dying in his mouth.

“Don’t worry,” she said, “we’ll have fun. It’s a weird place, always full of people who are just travelling through. You can meet the strangest folks there. Usually there aren’t that many Londoners.”

It was, indeed, weird, but not in a bad sense. A nightclub like any other, except that the barkeeper apparently tried to guess everyone’s native language. Remus challenged him with strong Scottish after he’d greeted Remus in German, and the man adapted surprisingly well, if not flawless. Remus raised an eyebrow. “I’m impressed,” he said, “but I think I’ll put you out of your misery. One Gin Tonic and one Tequila Sunrise, please.”

The man only laughed and started to prepare the drinks. “I’m used to it. Starting with English is mostly a waste of time here.” Remus listened to a French couple laughing next to him at the bar, but he didn’t understand very much despite what he had supposedly learned in high school.

The barkeeper pushed two glasses over the counter. “Who’s with you?” On cue, Lily appeared beside his shoulder. She had received a phone call just when they wanted to enter, and she had ushered Remus inside to order already.

“Jack!” she exclaimed brightly. “You’re still working here?”

Jack the barkeeper laughed again, loud and honest, and leaned over the counter to kiss her on both cheeks. “Nowhere I’d rather be.” Lily hugged him tightly.

“Understandable. No point wasting that talent of yours.” He just grinned and started on the drinks for the next guests. “Jack can understand at least twenty languages, Remus, and hold a conversation in about half of them,” Lily said while she climbed onto the seat next to him. Jack thanked a paying customer in a language Remus didn’t understand—something eastern European, maybe—before he returned to them. “Most of it is only work-related vocabulary, Lils.” She rolled her eyes. “How’s that Korean going?”

“Korean’s good. I moved on to Vietnamese.”

“See?” Lily asked Remus and pointed accusingly at the barkeeper with the glass in her hand. “No need to be so humble.”

He chuckled. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“Don’t tell me these two years were boring for you, not in a place like this.”

“No, but I had no one to tell all the funny stories I got out of it.”

It was Lily’s turn to laugh. Remus listened with half an ear while Jack told her about different people that had come through, but he was more absorbed with looking at the guests who were present right now. It was, truly, a mix of ethnicities and nationalities like he’d hardly ever seen it. People shouted at each other in Russian and Italian and at least three different Asian languages; the crowd was a mix of black and brown and white and everything in between; half of the song lyrics that boomed through the club was Spanish, and Remus caught again and again snippets of conversations of which he couldn’t even try to guess the language. It was wonderful, and he smiled happily to himself while sipping his Gin Tonic.

* * *

“ – she said she couldn’t believe it, Padfoot, but not in a good way, and she called me the pinnacle of male idiocy—just good we were outside at that point already, but it’s kind of a compliment if you think about it –“

Sirius didn’t hear him anymore. Firstly, James had told him all of this four times already (at least), but secondly his brain had stopped working when the next guest entered the club. “Prongs.”

“She looked really angry, Pads, like, I’ve never been so scared of a woman in my life and that means something, I know your mother after all, but –“

“Prongs!”

James finally stopped his sermon and looked up from his glass. Sirius’s was already empty. “Yeah?”

Sirius pointed silently at the bar, where the guy who had haunted his every step for the last two weeks just sat down. “Oh,” James said weakly. “What’s he doing here? But then Lily – “

Sirius wasn’t so sure about that. Not when he saw the way the man raised an eyebrow and smiled, and said something that made Jack laugh, Lily nowhere to be seen.

“Prongs, is he…” He couldn’t even say it. But he didn’t need to; James knew what he wanted to say most of the times anyway. He knew him too well. Sirius hadn’t been able to burrow that something was off for long before James had confronted him about it. He hadn’t believed him one moment that it was only about the marriage, either. It was probably for the better. Now they could sulk together about their respective crushes, which had been exactly the plan for this Friday evening. It just doesn’t work when one of them turns up in the last place you’d expect them; James and Sirius had chosen this club for a reason, after all. Since no Londoner supposedly ever came here, the chances of being recognized were satisfyingly small. Not small enough, apparently.

“ – flirting? I don’t know, Pads. He could just be being friendly.”

“I’m not chuckling like that when I’m ‘being friendly’,” Sirius muttered and wished desperately for another drink. The realization that he couldn’t get one because the man sat right at the bar made him irrationally angry all of a sudden.

James gasped, and Sirius followed his gaze to see Lily making her way to the bar. For a moment he was glad because it meant his crush probably wasn’t flirting with Jack, but then he remembered Lily being his girlfriend wasn’t any better. For James it was worse. Sirius could practically see the pain his best friend endured when Jack kissed Lily on both cheeks and she hugged him back as tightly as it was possible with the counter between them. She sat down at the bar, too, and they talked animatedly.

“Doesn’t he have any customers to attend to?” James grumbled. Sirius fidgeted in his chair until he saw an opportunity; three French dudes cleared a table closer to the bar, but not in direct view from where Lily and—no, no, he _wasn’t_ her boyfriend, her _friend_ —sat.

“Come on.” He grabbed James’s arm and pulled him away from their table, using a group of Asian tourists as cover. James understood his plan immediately and hurried over to the free table. They strained their ears to hear what was going on over the music. Something about languages, probably how many Jack spoke.

“ – only work-related vocabulary, Lils.”

James went rigid. “Lils? Pads, did he just call her _Lils?_ ”

Sirius glared at him to be quiet, but they missed a bit of the conversation. The next thing he could hear was how Jack, after chuckling a bit more, said sincerely, “I’m glad you’re back.”

James hit the table with his fist, and the empty glasses of their predecessors jumped. “I can’t even tell who is flirting with whom now! Are Lily and her friend really a couple? Was Jack hitting on the guy? But why can he call her Lils? Are they together, or just good friends?” He groaned and hid his face in his hands. “I need another drink.”

“Me too. But the bar isn’t exactly safe space right now, is it?”

James stood up. “Good thing I know Jack leaves the storage door open during full nights, then. I’ll be right back.” He vanished ducking behind the end of the counter, and Sirius could see the door swinging open a little bit. Jack was still too immersed to notice what was going on behind him, but his conversation was the reason James needed to do it, after all. He was talking about stuff that had happened in the club, Lily was laughing at all the right moments, but Sirius couldn’t hear the other man anymore. After five minutes of this—maybe it was only two, but it felt like five—he had an inner battle going on whether he should risk a glance around the corner to see if he was still there. Luckily James turned up with two bottles in his hand soon.

“Couldn’t find any glasses back there,” he said. Upon seeing how Sirius craned his neck, tipping his chair on two legs to see better, he pulled him back roughly. “Stay here, or he’ll see you!”

“He hasn’t said anything since you went! What’s he doing?”

“I saw him on my way out. He’s just… looking. Listening to Jack, I think, but not as absorbed as Lily.” James’s eyes became darker, and he stared into the air in front of him. Sirius snapped his finger in front of his face. “Right! Right, sorry. Like I said, he’s just looking around, observing all the people I guess, drinking his drink.”

“What’s he drinking?”

James groaned. “I don’t know, Pads, ok? How should I know?”

“Sorry, sorry… it’s just… I don’t even know his _name,_ Prongs. I don’t know anything about him, really.”

They spent the next half an hour anxious and fidgety, huddled in their corner, out of sight, but at some point James had to leave. He had, in his agitation and lack of something to do with his hands, drained his beer too quickly. Luckily the way to the bathroom was possible while staying behind Lily’s back.

He returned looking at Sirius with wide eyes. “He’s not at the bar anymore, Pads!”

Sirius nearly spilled his beer. “What?!”

“I don’t know for how long already, but he’s dancing. I saw him on the dancefloor.”

At the mental image of this man dancing again, and so close to him, just a few metres away, Sirius sank into his chair, completely boneless. “Oh, Jesus.”

James stared at him, still standing. “You’re completely gone for him, aren’t you? I’ve never seen you like this.”

Sirius didn’t even answer.

James went for another round of retrieving something to drink, but Sirius declined. He couldn’t keep his thoughts away from the dancefloor, and even though he didn’t know what this night would lead to—well, if it lead to anything at all he wanted to be completely there, as sober as possible, with all his senses. He didn’t really listen to Jack’s stories anymore, absorbed in his thoughts and fumbling distractedly with the coasters on the table, when James tapped him on the arm.

“Mate,” he whispered. “Listen.”

“ – more the quiet type, isn’t he?” Sirius heard Jack say.

“You have no idea. Wouldn’t even notice him in class if you didn’t know he was there.” Lily sounded a little bit tipsy, rambling on longer and louder than she normally would, and slurring the words. “But then he’d turn up at the oddest moments and talk suddenly. I think he’s just not good with many people at once, but he noticed immediately something was wrong whenever I got a message from ‘Tunia, even if we didn’t know each other that well. He helped me, then, and I hope I could help him a little bit, too.” She was quiet for a moment. “He doesn’t have it easy, that’s all I can say. It’s his choice to talk about or not. Anyway, when my scholarship got extended for a second year I needed a new place to stay. His flatmate had just graduated, and he asked me if I wanted the space.”

“Why back to London with you now?” Sirius didn’t know if this was Jack’s way of subtly asking whether the two of them were a couple, but if it was Lily didn’t pick up on it. Maybe—Sirius’s heart sped up—maybe it didn’t even occur to her because her thoughts had never taken that direction.

“Wanted out of the small village, I guess. Spending your life with the same five-thousand people until the age of twenty, can you believe it?”

“London must’ve been quite a shock.”

“I bet. But I’ve never seen a person as enthusiastic about an idea as when he dreamed about what he could do here. Had to fight his parents to come, too, so it must have been a dream of his for a longer time. He just never believed he had the possibility until I suggested it. Living together had worked out fine for the year; we balance each other out pretty well.”

“How so?”

“Well…” she thought for a moment. Sirius heard the _‘clink’_ of her glass being set down on the counter again. “As you said, he’s rather quiet. He’d sink into a bubble of silence and monotony without someone else around to shake him up. And he tends to overwork himself, so he needs someone to force him to relax now and then. But aside from that, I don’t know what I would’ve done without him these past two years. Always able to put a positive twist on things, even if it’s only with that sarcastic humour of his. Can tell you how dumb you’re being when you’re too stuck to it at the moment. Cares so much he hurts himself sometimes. But Remus can also be hugely inspirational, if he wants to.”

Whatever more she said, Sirius didn’t hear it. He was on his feet before he decided to stand up, almost knocked over the table without noticing, and pushed into the crowd. Right now there was no time, no thought for the music, for dancing like the people around him did, not until he found— _there._ He was dancing, facing the other way, completely lost in the music like last time. Sirius moved closer, step by step, with the beat now, until he could feel the other man’s body heat. He reached out to touch him only at one point: a few fingers resting softly on his wrist. He felt the tender, warm skin under his fingertips, a single word filling his head: _Remus._

It was this what he growled into his ear, so quiet that it could have been a whisper if there hadn’t been voice in it, and Remus shuddered. He shuddered, whether because of his name or because of who said it Sirius didn’t know, but this time Remus didn’t falter in his steps.

Instead he slid the hand at which they already had contact upwards. Clasping Sirius’s hand, he used his grip to turn him around, so that Sirius was the one with his back towards the other man, and Remus pulled him back against his chest. It was Sirius’s turn to falter, head falling back to rest against Remus’s shoulder.

“Now, now,” Remus murmured, bending down to his ear, “We don’t want to lose the rhythm, do we, Sirius?”

Sirius got his feet under him again, supported by strong arms around him. Remus rested his cheek on Sirius’s head while the song lasted, only their feet moving, but when the music grew faster they separated. Remus turned Sirius around so their eyes could meet. As if they came to a silent agreement, both men picked up the pace.

Dancing together again was better than Sirius had been able to imagine, though it was different this time; where last time it had been about testing, challenging, leaving each other surprised and shocked, this time it was a challenge to the universe about how in sync they could be with each other, how perfectly they could cooperate. It was easy, it worked on its own, and it left Sirius breathless.

He ended up dipped backwards at the end of a song, held by Remus. His face was close to his own, with a red tinge from exertion and heat high on his cheeks, those golden eyes boring into his, and Sirius couldn’t stop himself.


	4. Drag me out the bar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for vague mentions of depression+self-harm and abuse.
> 
> The chapter title is a line from the song 'English Love Affair' by 5SOS, which inspired a lot of this scene. Listen to it and maybe you can find the hints (there are 3 other ones).  
> Apart from that, let it be known that it's getting dirty ;)

Silver eyes stared up at him. Remus was so lost in them that he didn’t understand why they closed until soft lips brushed over his, just close enough to touch barely. They didn’t linger there long. When Remus opened his eyes, Sirius’s face was just millimetres away from his, but he was searching nervously for something in Remus’s features. He heard him swallow, and a corner of Remus’s mouth tugged up. He hadn’t believed Sirius Black was someone who got nervous about a kiss.

Remus hauled him up swiftly. While Sirius was still slightly disoriented from the sudden movement, Remus began to pull him through the crowd. As soon as they reached the edge of the dancefloor he pushed Sirius against the wall. His breath hitched when Remus pinned him there, towering over him. He lifted Sirius’s chin up gently with one hand to force his eyes, which were currently stuck somewhere on Remus’s collarbone, up to meet his gaze.

“I should be angry at you,” he whispered, fingers trailing along his jaw and down his neck. Sirius’s eyes fluttered closed. His head tipped back and thudded against the wall. “I really should.” A tiny whimper escaped Sirius’s throat, either in reaction to Remus’s words or because his fingers followed the collar of his shirt, dipping beneath it now and then. Remus marvelled at the way Sirius’s mouth stood slightly parted, the way his hair fell over his shoulders, how that one vein on his neck stood out against the pale skin. He leaned in and kissed it. Sirius inhaled shakily. He had opened his eyes again, staring over Remus shoulder without really seeing anything that was in front of him.

“I couldn’t,” he whispered. Remus stayed where he was, breathing against Sirius’s neck, waiting.

When he didn’t get another word out, Remus asked quietly, “Not even talk? Had to avoid me all evening?”

Sirius squirmed under him, but Remus was too close to let him move much. “Was afraid what you thought of that night,” he breathed, eyes flickering up to Remus’s for a fleeting moment. “That it—was nothing for you, and then you showed up with Evans – “

His words got caught in Remus’s lips, kissing him hard and hot. Sirius sighed into his mouth, relieved. His hands dropped down on Remus’s waist, and Remus buried his in Sirius’s hair. It was as smooth and silky as he had imagined, though he didn’t waste many thoughts on it right now. Not when Sirius tugged at his bottom lip like that, moaning when Remus parted his lips, allowing him in. It seemed to revive Sirius. When they separated, both panting heavily, strength and heat had replaced the dizziness from before in his eyes. Questioning, but not nervous like before, he looked to the door and back at Remus.

For a moment, Remus hesitated. Dancing almost anonymously with the oldest son of the most powerful noble family of the city was already a risk, but nothing compared to hooking up with him. The family of the boy he’d seen at the ball would rip him apart if they found out. But Remus looked at the man in front of him, confident and unapologetic and reckless but pleading, and couldn’t believe this was the same person.

He leaned forward and placed a soft, lingering kiss on the corner of his mouth. Relaxing, Sirius clasped his hand and smiled before leading him through the crowd in the direction of the door. Remus thought briefly about Lily, but she was more competent than him on her own and had Jack as a friend here. He’d shoot her a message soon.

Sirius found them a waiting taxi immediately. The drive was filled with brushing touches and whispered nothings, leaving Remus’s breath caught and Sirius shuddering when a hand wandered up his thigh.

Remus had no idea where the taxi had brought them, but he stopped caring when Sirius pressed him against the door as soon as it was closed. Suddenly there were hands on his shoulders, on his arms, gliding down his sides, and a demanding tongue slipped between his lips. Remus sighed in pleasure, his own hands now roaming over Sirius’s back, moving up to tangle in the hair, then down, down. Sirius moaned right into Remus’s mouth, and Remus’s trousers grew uncomfortably tight at the front. His hands slid down further over the curve of Sirius’s arse, and he used the new-found leverage on the thighs to hoist him up. Sirius slung his legs around Remus’s waist. It changed the angle of their kiss, Sirius now being higher up than Remus, but it also meant Remus could feel the hard bulge of Sirius’s crotch pressing into his stomach.

“Bedroom?” he murmured, blinking his eyes open to find Sirius gazing down at him, thumb riding along Remus’s bottom lip, his long hair falling down around their faces like a curtain.

“Upstairs,” he answered, completely caught up in dragging one fingertip over Remus's left eyebrow. After another kiss, Remus looked around Sirius to find the mentioned stair.

“I could sure try to carry you up there, but I guess it’d be safer if you walked,” he chuckled at the sight of the narrow, crooked staircase.

“Oh, I’m always up for a little risk,” Sirius said, a glint in his eye, but he jumped down and grasped Remus’s hand again. He didn’t let go of it until they were at the top and in a small but clean bedroom, in which most of the space was taken up by a king-sized bed.

Sirius pushed him down onto it and crawled up above him, tugging at the hem of Remus’s shirt on the way. “Can I?”

Remus bit his lip. He didn’t meet Sirius’s gaze, who had stopped, waiting. He had known it would come to this sooner or later, and pushed it away from his mind as long possible.

“Remus? Is everything alright? Should I…” Sirius slowly moved away.

Remus sat up and quickly caught his wrist. “No! I mean, yes, this is alright, you’re alright. You’re perfect. It’s just…” he lowered his gaze again. “I’m not exactly…ok.”

Sirius stared at him, disbelieving. “I don’t know when you’ve seen yourself in a mirror the last time, but from what I can see through this shirt—and it’s a pretty tight shirt—you’re more than ‘ok’.”

It wrung a smile out of Remus, despite his nervousness. “Not that kind of ok.”

Sirius’s face grew soft, understanding. “Oh. Well, in that case,” he snuggled closer again, nuzzling Remus’s neck, “I can assure you you’re not the only one.”

Remus’s hands, which had been stroking Sirius’s back, froze. “What do you mean?”

Sirius pulled back to look Remus in the eyes. “I don’t know what’s been going on for you, but there are some things on here”—he took Remus’s hand and pressed it against his own stomach—“that aren’t pretty, either. You don’t need to be ashamed of anything, but you can keep your shirt on if you want to. I don’t want to pressure you into anything. Actually I’d… I’d appreciate it if you’d do the same.”

Remus took Sirius’s hand in both of his and kissed its palm without breaking eye contact. “Of course. And thank you.”

Mesmerized by his softness, Sirius took a moment before he reacted by pushing Remus into the pillows again and straddling his hips. Both of them groaned when their still half-hard erections rubbed against each other. Sirius caught Remus in a heated kiss.

They pulled apart and Remus panted, smirking, “Eager now, are we?”

Sirius’s lips ghosted over his collarbone and the soft skin just below. “I already gambled too high when I let you go the first time.”

Remus’s hands moved to Sirius’s hips, trailing along the seam of his trousers towards the zipper. He didn’t even have to ask before Sirius nodded, shifting to make it easier. At the movement, his cock rubbed against Remus’s thigh and he sighed, head falling back. Remus marvelled at his absolute beauty, the pale skin in contrast with his dark hair, the rose blush on his cheeks, the long lashes, the perfect soft lips that formed a soundless ‘oh’ when Remus’s fingers found their way beneath his waistband. He pulled his boxers down. Sirius’s cock was already leaking precome, but Remus took his time exploring it up and down the whole length until Sirius slumped together to a shivering mess on top of him, hiding his face in the crook of Remus’s neck.

“Oh God,” he muttered. “I’m not usually so… You have no idea what you’re doing to me.” He gasped when Remus took his cock firmly in one hand. “Remus,” he panted, “if you don’t stop I’m gonna…” he grabbed Remus hand and took two steadying breaths before he smirked up at him mischievously. Remus breathed in sharply when Sirius moved down, burying his nose in Remus’s shirt on his chest, his stomach, until he arrived with his mouth at the zipper of Remus’s trousers. He looked like an angel, taking it between his teeth and blinking up at him through those long lashes. He lifted his hips to let Sirius pull down his trousers, sliding his hands over Remus’s waist and arse in the process. Remus sank back into the mattress when Sirius breathed warm air on his prick through the thin material of his boxers.

“Sirius,” he groaned and weaved his hands through Sirius’s hair, pulling lightly. His eyes had fallen closed. Sirius moaned, leaning into the touch, and the vibrations directly hit Remus’s cock. Sirius’s tongue lapped at the wet spot in the front before he pulled Remus’s boxers down, too. When the touch didn’t return, only cold air where Sirius’s mouth had been, Remus growled and opened his eyes. Sirius was staring at him, wide eyes and not blinking.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered. “All of you.” If Remus hadn’t believed him to be sincere before, he would have now. That look of pure wonder and adoration in his soft grey eyes couldn’t lie. Sirius kissed him tenderly before returning to his cock. Open-mouthed kisses were covered it, and his hips bucked up involuntarily. Without warning, Sirius took him into his mouth. Remus gasped. Sirius smiled around his cock and slid down farther, wrapping his hands around what he couldn’t fit in. Remus was writhing under him, fisting the sheets to keep from thrusting upwards. Sirius obviously had other plans, alternating between letting him hit the back of his throat and doing marvellous things with his tongue.

“Sirius, I’m—not gonna last.”

Sirius only moaned affirmatively. Remus grabbed Sirius’s hair tightly, holding on to him while his climax ripped through him. For a much longer time than he usually experienced it, everything was excruciating, blind pleasure. When his senses slowly returned to him, Sirius had snuggled up against his side, his head resting on Remus’s shoulder, and he was observing his every expression. Remus turned and caught him in a hot kiss. His hand slid up Sirius’s leg. Sirius sighed softly when Remus’s hand wrapped around his cock once more. Breathing quickly evolved into panting. He whimpered as Remus stroked and squeezed, and it didn’t take long until he came, arms thrown around Remus’s neck.

Remus watched his breaths even out before he got up. The room next door was, as he had hoped, the bathroom, and Remus quickly found a washcloth. Sirius was still passed out in the same position when he returned. Remus cleaned up what needed cleaning before he climbed back into the bed and pulled the covers over both of them.

He studied Sirius’s face carefully. It was a picture of perfect relaxation, not one worried crease on the forehead, mouth slightly opened. He thought he was asleep already, but Sirius suddenly reached out with one arm, searching for him. Remus smiled and scooted closer, pulling him against his chest. Sirius sighed contentedly and fell asleep for good. It took Remus longer, but for once in his life it wasn’t because he was overthinking. He could feel Sirius’s breath on his sternum, stroked his hair, their feet tangled, and felt completely relaxed in a bed that wasn’t his.


	5. Coffee morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for mentions of abuse and self-harm. Apart from that, enjoy the fluff :)

Sirius woke up feeling safe. That usually only happened when he’d spent the night in the small apartment he secretly owned instead of sleeping at a Black residence. But he didn’t only feel safe, also… warm. Light. At ease. Maybe, he thought, this was a taste of what it felt like to be loved.

A warm blow of air hit the top of his head, and Sirius tensed. But then Remus mumbled in his sleep, buried his nose deeper in Sirius’s hair, and slung an arm around his waist. Sirius must have turned in his sleep so that he was spooned into Remus. Warmth spread through him that had nothing to do with Remus’s body heat. It was as if he’d drunk a sip of hot tea that now travelled down his throat extended the comforting heat as it went. Sirius smiled.

He stayed as still as he could, despite Remus’s breath tickling his neck, and watched the sun slowly light up the room. He could tell when Remus was waking up. His heartbeat sped up just a bit, and he… Sirius didn’t even know what it was. But even with his back turned to Remus, he knew he was on the verge of waking up. Remus let out a little sigh when he finally opened his eyes. Sirius smiled at that, too.

That was, until Remus tensed and pulled away.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to stay.”

His voice was still raspy from sleep, and Sirius’s heart fluttered when he heard that. The same heart dropped, on the other hand, at the meaning of his words. Sirius stayed turned away from Remus, that sense of warmth and closeness and love gone. But, he thought bitterly, he should have known. He shouldn’t have hoped. Just an exciting adventure, maybe even an accomplishment—fucking a pureblood heir. He heard Remus swallow, and his voice sounded a little clearer when he spoke again.

“I mean, I’m sorry I didn’t ask. You fell asleep, and I didn’t want to wake you, and then I fell asleep too – “

Sirius rolled over, finding Remus propped up on one elbow and looking down at him with those amber eyes full of worry. His curly hair was tousled from sleep, and the wrinkles of the pillow had left lines on one side of his face. He looked adorable.

“No, no, it’s ok,” Sirius said quickly. He reached out tentatively to trace that collarbone that Remus’s shirt, hanging to one side, revealed. He wanted to add, “I’m glad you stayed,” but he stopped himself. It would say too much. He didn’t want to risk this.

“Oh.” Remus smiled shyly. “Good.”

Then his stomach rumbled loudly. Remus looked at Sirius sheepishly, and they both burst out laughing.

Sirius threw back the blanket. “I’m afraid there’s no food in the house. I can invite you to an excellent coffee shop around the corner, though. It’s one of my favourite places. They have pastries, too.”

Remus stretched and yawned. The early morning sunlight made his curls gleam golden. “I’ll gladly take you up on that offer.” He blinked and looked around in the small room, which consisted of the bed, one picture on the wall—Sirius had bought it from a street artist on a trip to Venice with James—and a small trunk in which he kept a few clothes. There weren’t even bedside tables. “Why’s there nothing here, though? The bathroom’s very, uh… minimalistic, too.”

Sirius grinned. “Nicely put. It isn’t worth decorating since I’m not here that often.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “A spare apartment for when you’re bringing someone?”

“That’d be nice, huh? Bless the guy who needs and has something like that.” Sirius shook his head, turning to the trunk to pull out some fresh clothes. He took the time to debate how much to say. If Remus only wanted him because of his status, then letting on how much he hated his family would sure make him lose Remus. Sirius decided to take the risk anyway. He didn’t want to believe that Remus was like that, but if it was going to hurt inevitably it might as well hurt now. “No, more like a home away from home for when I feel like I need an actual home. My parents don’t know I’ve got this place.” He pulled a sweater over his head, securing himself at least for a moment from seeing Remus’s reaction.

“This doesn’t look like a home!” Remus said indignantly, and Sirius heart felt as shockingly light as when he had missed a step in a stair. “This is… this is worse than a hotel!”

He turned around to him, laughing. Remus looked genuinely offended. “I guess it is. I just never took the time for it, and honestly, I have zero clues about decorating.”

There were only few people outside since it was a small street and early in the morning on a Saturday. As they walked down the sidewalk, Sirius felt the urge to take Remus’s hand. He didn’t act on it, of course. People in an actual relationship did that, and that was _not_ what they had. Still, while Remus talked about a book he was reading at the moment and positively panicked when he found out Sirius wasn’t much of a reader, Sirius couldn’t help imagining it.

The warm feeling from before filled him up again when he learned that Remus usually took his coffee black with cinnamon and two pieces of sugar in it, but he insisted anyway that Remus should take something fancier today because Sirius was paying. He laughed to himself when he noticed as good as everything Remus ordered had chocolate in it, and the world seemed to grow softer when heard the little sigh and saw the way Remus eyes closed when he took the first sip of his coffee.

“Do you need a drive home?” Sirius asked when they stepped outside again, pastries eaten and already the second cup of coffee in their hands.

Remus shook his head. “No, thanks, I’ll walk. I need the time to freak out.”

Sirius smirked at him. “Why, still excited you got to spend the night with such a handsome bloke?”

Remus laughed. “For a moment I was worried you had inherited your family’s arrogance, but now I’m relieved to see it’s only a God complex.”

Sirius stared at him in absolute amazement, every cocky remark swiped from his brain. It was the first time someone mentioned Sirius in connection to his family in a way that didn’t make him want to howl in desperation or jump into the next plane to flee the country. He was suddenly overcome with affection so strong that he wanted to make sure Remus could spend every moment of his life laughing like this, eyes blazing like they did right now while he was bantering with Sirius.

“No, really, Rem. What’s bothering you?”

Remus looked up, maybe surprised at the name, maybe at Sirius’s soft and earnest tone. “I’ve just hooked up with the heir of the Black family, Sirius. A very conservative, very influential family. Don’t you understand what that means?”

Sirius pressed his palms against his eyes. “Since I am said heir, who breaks with said conservative values, I understand better than I’d like to.” He lowered his hands. “But, Remus, this is my responsibility. Don’t you dare worry about it.”

“Hard to do when you could be driven out of the city as soon as they find out.”

“I’d never let it come to that.”

“I’ll try to believe that so that I can sleep tonight.”

Sirius caught his wrist—not grabbing it forcefully, just holding it there gently. “Believe this: I’d never let them hurt you.”

Remus only stared at him, not answering. Sirius suddenly feared he had said too much, revealed too much, overwhelmed Remus. With a last, uncertain smile, he said “Get home safely, Remus.” Sirius turned back the way they had come, cursing himself inwardly.

* * *

Remus still stood frozen on the sidewalk in front of the little coffee shop when Sirius vanished around the corner. He laid his own fingers on his wrist where Sirius’s had left it. Pushing up his sleeve a tiny little bit, he could still see, if not feel anymore, the thin white streaks running across his veins. Usually he avoided looking at them. Remus didn’t want to admit it, but they still induced a certain bitterness every time, and sometimes a little temptation. But he could feel Sirius’s fingers there. In the bar two weeks ago, closing around his wrist. Then last night, on the dancefloor, just resting his fingertips there in greeting. And a minute ago, he had held it as if it was something precious… and Sirius didn’t even know. At least, Remus didn’t think he did. He was always careful to wear long sleeves.

Remus shook his head to clear it from the thoughts and started on the way home. He had bigger problems to worry about. Lily’s anger, mainly. She’d kill him. The text he’d sent her yesterday in the taxi, “Found someone. Don’t worry about me. See you tomorrow. Take care,” was, in hindsight, not remotely enough to calm her, not with their history, but it was all he’d had the patience for last night. After all, he had been rather distracted.

Remus opened the door as quietly as possible, hanging on to the slim hope that Lily was still asleep, but no such luck. She sat at their too small table, bed hair a mess on her head, glaring at him as soon as he entered the room.

“Since I’m known as a very generous woman,” she said, “I’ll strike you a deal.”

Remus shifted from one foot to the other. “Uhm… ok?”

“Your coffee”—she pointed to the cup in his hand—“for my patience to listen to you before I begin to shout.”

Remus gasped. “My coffee?! That’s ruthless!”

“You don’t have much to trade, do you? Learn to be grateful for what you get, Lupin.”

Remus sighed and placed his half-empty cup of perfect dark mocha latté with hazelnut caramel syrup and two shots of espresso in front of her. Lily took a sip.

“Acceptable. Too dark, though. Speak.”

Remus, having already made up his mind—long walks can do magic—stayed strictly to the content of his message. “What’s there to say? I found someone I liked, and after making out at the club for a bit he offered to take me home.”

Lily narrowed her eyes. Remus now wished she’d drink more of the coffee so that her level of aggressiveness would drop. “There is to say that that was fucking irresponsible of you, Remus. Have you tried to imagine what happens when I get a message with literally no information at all that says “Don’t worry”? I’ll tell you: I _will_ worry. I’ll worry so much that I could puke out my drinks again, and they haven’t been cheap.”

Remus mouth twitched. “Sorry I haven’t taken your purse in consideration when taking that decision. Truly irresponsible of me.”

Sarcasm didn’t help with Lily’s anger levels. “Would you be serious and think of your own well-being for a moment?”

“I can take care of myself, Lily! This isn’t the first time I was hooking up with someone.”

“I know, but you should’ve told me where you were going! This isn’t a five-hundred-people village, Remus! You can’t just let a random bloke drag you home!”

Remus slashed out, exasperated. “He wasn’t random, ok? I knew him!”

Lily stared at him. “Oh. That’s better, I guess. I didn’t know you had any contacts in London.”

Remus fumbled with the seam of his sleeve, a habit he’d started before he even went to school. It had only gotten worse when long sleeves became a crucial part of his life. “It doesn’t matter, ok? It’s been nice. He’s been nice. We went for breakfast. No need to worry.”

Lily still seemed sceptical, but let it go. Maybe the caffeine kicked in.

“What about you? Have you gotten home alright?”

She waved him off. “Yeah, all fine. Do you think we could get some furniture shopping done today?”

They did not only buy a few much-needed pieces of furniture, oh no. Not with Lily’s enthusiasm and Remus’s eye for details. Yes, their budget might be tight, but if anyone knew every trick on the internet to DIY from scratch it was her, and if anyone was an expert on getting the best purchases out of a margin of the expenses one would normally make, it was him. Bare walls were covered with colourful wallpaper, photos and vintage-looking postcards; Lily got a carload of stuff from friends that didn’t need it anymore; Remus managed to fill an entire bookshelf after paying less than 10$ at a second-hand bookshop; and a visit at the local park and some semi-legal digging activities provided them with a variety of pot plants. Cupboards, wardrobes, chairs, tables, carpets, and armchairs lived under the motto of mix ‘n match, but every piece had been chosen after careful consideration whether it fit in with the overarching theme, so that they achieved a unique, cosy look.

Only at one point was Remus so uncertain that he literally went out of the store, deciding to leave the item, and returned later nonetheless. He lingered there for another half an hour, doubting and quarrelling with himself.

If it had been like any other piece, it wouldn’t have been such a big deal. Weigh expanse against win, want it or don’t want it and check in with your budget, and you’re set. These decisions had never been much of a problem for Remus. He had learned pretty early on to leave things behind that he couldn’t afford and not feel sorry about it for long.

But this, if he took it, had consequences. Remus knew it would probably never come so far, and that it was crazy to even consider to do something like this, but this one thing was just so _Sirius_ that he couldn’t simply walk away. You wouldn’t think much of an old mirror at first. The rectangular frame of dark wood was worn and nagged, in sharp contrast with the perfectly clear glass. That alone could have been enough to remind Remus of the Black heir. He knew him from a nightclub, then a ball. A bar and hooking up, then a soft morning with sunlight and coffee. Sleekly-dressed pureblood son, then leather jacket rebel, if the photos Remus had seen on the internet were anything to go by. Always a contrast. Fine against rough, modern against punk rock, always a mystery.

But in addition to the characteristics of the mirror itself, what made Remus stop immediately was the way it was put up for display in the shop. To complete the aesthetic, someone had stuck pictures between the glass and the frame. All of them were black and white, and all of them emitted exactly the feeling Remus got from Sirius. There was one of a retro motorcycle, standing on a road somewhere in the country. A glass of whisky. An old radio. Dog paw prints in the sand. Smoke trailing up from a burning cigarette.

Buying apartment decorations for an unattainable person for whom you were probably no more than a one-night stand. Yes, Remus wasn’t being reasonable. This was ridiculous. He walked determinedly out of the store, cursed after two steps outside, turned on his heels and bought it, mirror and photos and all. Damn, he was fucked.

In the following week, Remus spent a few hours every day at the school he’d be working in as soon as summer break was over, getting briefed about how things were run there. It wasn’t great, it wasn’t luxurious, but he could tell the other teachers cared about their students and that fit him just fine.

Lily squealed in excitement when her first article in _The Daily Prophet_ was published. They pinned it on the wall. She talked a lot about her co-workers and her editor, a friendly round man who had taught her a lot already about what she could do better in her writing. Sometimes Lily worked crazy hours to get an article done in time, but she did it with such a fiery determination that Remus didn’t think he could stop her if he tried. She was happy with working hard, he could see that.

Until one Wednesday evening. She slammed the door when she entered, swore viciously when her shoe laces had a knot in them, and didn’t bother with the wardrobe, throwing her jacket in a corner instead.

Remus, who knew she just needed to let off steam sometimes and it probably wasn’t as bad once she calmed down, made sure Lily had a plate full of warm Indian curry in front of her before he asked what was up.

Lily groaned and buried her face in her hands. “The worst thing is it’s probably my own fault.”

Remus sat down across from her. “How’s that?”

“We plan to do a politics-explained page for the _Prophet_ where everything that’s going on in the city is broken down so that even children could understand it.”

“Wow, that’s… brilliant.”

She sighed and took her spoon, pushing the food around on her plate. “Yeah, I thought that too. And Slughorn obviously knows I’ve been active in that field years ago already, so he made me part of the team.” Remus didn’t interrupt her, waiting for the twist in the story that explained why she was so bitter about it. “The first edition should be about how the city government is built up, and who the main people in it are. And… you know how I get about that all.”

“Did your co-workers not share your opinion?” Remus asked, worried. If the wrong people listened to Lily’s rather passionate views on this topic she could easily get in trouble. Or hurt.

“No! No, it wasn’t that at all. We were on the same page there. But...” She ran a hand through her hair. “I was such an idiot! Why couldn’t I keep my mouth shut?”

“Lily, what happened?”

“In the heat of the discussion I let it slip that I’ve been at the annual ball of the pureblood families. It’s a pretty big deal. No reporter is ever allowed there. I said that I was there privately and not as a member of the press, but they were so excited! I couldn’t explain the whole thing with Potter, so they assumed I had connections.”

“Well, you do.”

She glared at him. “Yes, but not remotely enough to be present at an event like that. I wasn’t even supposed to be there, he just smuggled me in without anyone else knowing.”

“So now the _Prophet_ wants you to do what?”

“There’s another ball coming up at summer solstice. It’s more about the political stuff, so a lot of lower-ranking people and reporters will be coming, too, but they expect I’ll be able to get some more personal interviews, or answers to questions no one’s usually willing to give a statement to.”

“Why didn’t you tell them it wouldn’t be so easy?”

“I did, of course! But they were convinced if I could get into the pureblood ball, a few exclusive interviews would be nothing. Slughorn declared it happily as the first big challenge I had to face as a reporter, and said he’d expect great results. I couldn’t decline it anymore without seeming incompetent or not serious about my career.”

“I’m sure you’ll master it. With other press present, being there won’t be as strange at least.”

Lily finally started to eat, digging in hungrily. Remus was relieved she had progressed from needing-to-vent mode on to solving-the-problem mode. “Yeah, but I’ll get the same answers as everyone else if I don’t think of something. I bet I could get Potter to open up, though asking for a favour would go against my agenda of being mad at him.”

The corner of Remus’s mouth twitched up. “We can’t have that. You’ll figure something out. I don’t know much about all this stuff,” (Remus couldn’t exactly say he’d spent hours reading up on the Black family, could he?) “but I’ll help in any way I can.”

“Well, it would help already if you’d be my date for the ball again. Aside from the emotional support, showing up with a partner would make me seem less of a reporter and more of someone who’s there for social reasons.”

Out of all the things she could have asked for, this was the one he had most expected and most feared. Remus felt as if his internal organs dissolved one by one. “Sure,” he said, smiling briefly at Lily and looking at his food again before she could notice anything.

He was excited to see Sirius again, of course, despite the uncertainty of what exactly was going on between them. He had just hoped it wasn’t in this context. With his family around, Sirius would most likely ignore him again. Remus tried not to feel bitter and disappointed about that. He also didn’t want to go because he didn’t want to see Sirius in his pureblood role, didn’t want to believe that this was the real Sirius. It seemed so strange to Remus, because the Sirius who assured him it was ok to leave his shirt on, and who talked about reading with him when they went to get coffee, seemed so much more real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one chapter today since the next one will have more action. Maybe I'll stay with the one-chapter-per-day rhythm after that. Please feed a comment-starved writer's soul... I'd honestly love to hear what you think so far!


	6. Summer Solstice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for child abuse and panic attacks.

Sirius winced when he put on his suit. The tight fabric rubbed at the fresh marks on his back and stomach. He’d have to endure it for the evening, trying to move as if everything was alright. If anyone noticed anyway and asked him about it, he’d laugh and say it had been some dumb accident. If not for Sirius’s early mastered acting skills, the reporters would have to wonder by now in how many dumb accidents he got.

Sirius took an experimental step, holding his breath, and let it out when it didn’t hurt as much as he anticipated. Dancing would be ok. Of course it would; it was the reason he had all the other marks, after all. His mother had made sure he wouldn’t run a second time. Tonight, he would dance.

He appeared fashionably almost-late, as always, so that the garden and the entrance hall were already full of people. Small groups had formed around the cocktail tables, champagne glasses in hand, laughing and socializing. The central part of the lawn had been transformed into an exterior dancefloor. Sirius set up his public-smile and steered through the crowd, avoiding cameras as best as he could. Whenever he got caught anyway, he usually gave a charming smile and a polite answer that answered absolutely nothing. The journalists mostly left him alone after that. Except the ever-present four or five female reporters who chased him all evening, of course.

Sirius finally caught sight of two of his favourite people. His uncle Alphard and his cousin Andromeda were talking at one of the tables. Narzissa was with them, too, but she wasn’t as bad as Andromeda’s other sister. She mostly stayed out of conversations.

“Hey, boy,” Alphard greeted him when he reached them. “Enjoying another evening of trying to woo the public into liking us?”

“Sirius doesn’t have to try,” Andromeda said dryly. “They’re swooning all over him.”

“You’re right,” his uncle sighed. “Honestly, Sirius, with the attention you’re getting I’m surprised your parents haven’t already coupled you off with some daughter of a family who will expand their area of influence even more.”

“That’s the plan for the evening,” Sirius said darkly. “Though I’ve got the privilege of choosing—within limits, of course.”

“How generous,” Andromeda said. “Really, Sirius, don’t let yourself be forced to this. They can’t make you. Marriage is closed by a voluntary vow.”

“Then I think my parents never got the meaning of voluntary. Would you like to explain it to them again?”

She only grunted in acknowledgement of his point.

“Your father’s opening the banquet,” Alphard said, throwing a glance over Sirius’s shoulder.

“Oh, listen, peasants, to his wise words,” Sirius said, drowning his words in a glass of champagne he’d snatched from the tray of a passing waiter.

“Careful, Sirius, a girl might not want a drunk suitor,” Andromeda teased.

Just when Sirius was about to threaten to choose her—both of their parents would probably accept it—someone tapped him on the arm.

James greeted them as cheerful as ever, but Sirius could see the tension in his shoulders, how he couldn’t stop fidgeting, and knew something was up. He excused both of them and pulled him to the edge of the garden.

James broke as soon as they were out of earshot. “They’re here, Pads!”

Sirius didn’t even have to ask who he meant. The panic in his eyes told enough. He groaned. “What did you do, Prongs?!”

“I didn’t do anything, I swear! I wasn’t aware she got a job at the _Prophet_. She’s here as a journalist. Do you think I’d make the same mistake twice?”

“Honestly, yes, I do.”

James blinked. “Rude. But what do we do now?”

“Hiding in the crowd wouldn’t work, would it?” Sirius sighed.

“Not for you, anyway. I might have a chance.”

Sirius put a hand on his shoulder. “Prongs, I’m no expert, but I don’t think you should. It’s been a few weeks ago, Lily had time to calm down. Don’t pester her, but show her that you’re sorry. Maybe she’s willing to talk.”

James pouted. “I hate it when you’re right.”

Sirius grinned. “Now that you’re in my debt, you might be willing to return the favour. What am I supposed to do?”

“Just… act normal?”

“Normal as in, guy you had in your bed? Or normal as in, date of the reporter who’s here to talk to you because of your superior rank in society?”

“Touché. Maybe normal as in, polite but friendly?”

Sirius fiddled with the clasp of his watch. “I don’t want to be only ‘friendly’ towards him, Prongs. But I don’t want to pull him into all of this”—he enclosed the garden and all the people in it in a wide-swept gesture—“either.”

“You don’t have much choice right now, Padfoot,” James told him, a worried look in his eyes. “He’s already here. You have to be careful for now. I’m sure Remus will understand that.”

“Careful is not exactly my strong suit.”

James grinned. “Not mine either. But try, ok? Just… don’t leave me alone with Lily again. I _don’t_ want to repeat last time.”

Sirius smirked slyly. “I rather liked last time.”

James swatted lightly at his arm. “Ass.”

A servant approached them. After he had bowed before them, he said, “If you would be so kind to follow me, Mr. Black; your father wishes to speak you.”

Sirius swallowed. Of course his father wouldn’t stoop to running around the garden, looking for someone, if he could send a servant for them instead. Sirius sincerely hoped his father just wanted him for some public statement, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was just walking to his own slaughtering.

The party was in full bloom around him. The buffet had to be re-filled constantly, though most people had moved on to dessert by now. Husbands led their wives onto the dancefloor. Sirius spotted his mother talking to the Malfoys. Regulus stood with them, but didn’t participate in the conversation. Sirius was glad about that. His mother looked up and saw him. She continued to talk to Medusa Malfoy, but her eyes followed Sirius with a cold, judging stare.

The servant led him inside and through the entrance hall. He stopped at the door to the small dining room they rarely ever used. “In here, sir.”

Alone, inside. That was not good.

He suppressed the trembling of his hand and stepped inside as confidently as he could. “You wanted to talk to me, father?”

Orion Black was seated at the head of the table. He listened to the servant’s steps retreating before he spoke. “Yes. You can keep standing, it won’t take long.” That made Sirius feel a little better—until his father continued. “There are a number of girls from respected families here tonight. You haven’t addressed any of them so far. I have left the issue of your marriage to your mother until now, but my patience has boundaries.” Sirius knew that. He had felt those boundaries on his own body. “I won’t tolerate any further stalling. Do you understand me?” His father held his gaze at him across the table, completely relaxed but unwavering.

“Yes, father.”

Orion Black nodded, like having just signed a good business deal. “You will choose tonight. You can talk to anyone as long as you like, but your mother and I will watch who you ask to dance.”

Sirius was trying desperately to keep the shaking out of his voice—and out of his whole body. His father at the table in an otherwise empty room, having Sirius stand and answer to him like a servant, like a disobedient, guilty boy—it called Sirius back to when he had been fifteen and gotten caught sneaking out to go to James’s at night, to when he had been thirteen and refused to attend a family meeting, to when he had been eleven and told his father they weren’t better than other people after James had explained to him that they were all human, to when he had been eight, and six, and five. To all of those times and what followed afterwards. “Am I allowed to go now, father?”

Orion regarded him with cold, steely eyes. “Make good use of your time.”

Sirius nodded jerkily. He turned at a hopefully steady pace. Once outside, Sirius leaned against the wall, forcing himself to breathe deeply. His mother’s disapproving glances he could stand. Regulus’s warning, scared, worried ones, too. He was used to putting up with it. He’d been angry at his mother all evening, even more so than usual, sure, but he’d been able to swallow it for Remus. Hell, he spent his life being angry.

But now he wasn’t angry anymore. Not primarily. Sirius was terrified. Scared of what would happen if he didn’t obey his father, scared of what would happen if he did.

He could hear Orion push his chair back in the dining room. Sirius quickly made his way outside, though he’d rather be in his flat right now, or just somewhere far away. Fleeing was not an option this time.

“Excuse me! Sirius Black!”

Sirius stopped. Usually he ignored calls like these, but this voice was familiar. Between all the too many, too loud people and noises all around him, he froze and concentrated on the one voice he didn’t associate with cold, impersonal, family.

Lily caught up to him, a smile bright on her face and a notepad in her hand. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

Sirius tried to remember what a cocky smile used to feel like. “Am I allowed to sit down at first?”

She laughed. He half expected her to cling to his arm like other journalists might do now, but she just pushed him playfully in the direction of a free table. “Please do that, I’ll be able to keep you longer that way.”

Sirius sank into the closest chair, legs giving up. His hands were still trembling, so he kept them under the table.

Lily sat down opposite of him. “So, Mr. Black – “

“Sirius, please.” Sirius hadn’t meant to say it. It hadn’t been an offer of friendliness, just—not Black. Not Black.

She blinked. “Oh, okay. Then, Sirius, do you remember the time you and James Potter started a two-man protest against overprized cafeteria food at college?”

The memory surprised him with such a force it pulled him out of the picture of his father’s cold eyes. “Yes.”

“What motivated you to do that?”

“We calculated that, if every meal cost as much as you needed to pay in the cafeteria…” His concentration slipped when his mother stepped out behind a group of people and threw him a cold glance before turning to the Lestranges. The streaks on Sirius’s back throbbed.

“Yes?”

“Every… every third kid wouldn’t be able to…” The words didn’t come anymore. His throat closed up.

“To eat every day?”

“Three meals. Yeah.”

“How did you come to that conclusion?”

“A- average income.”

“Why didn’t you announce the protest beforehand? I’m sure other people shared your opinion, maybe even from more personal experience.”

“I… We didn’t…” Sirius was breathing heavily. His father had stepped out of the building. “Didn’t think… would…”

“Sirius? Forget the question. What’s wrong?”

“Can you…” Sirius gripped the armrests of his chair tightly, struggling to get breath into his lungs. “Where’s Remus?”

Lily’s eyebrows shot up, surprised that he even knew who Remus was, but she didn’t hesitate to grab her phone. She spoke into it shortly, not letting Sirius out of her eyes. He didn’t hear what she said.

After she put her phone down, Lily began to talk him through breathing exercises. It didn’t help. Not with his father’s voice in his head. He shook uncontrollably now, gasping for air.

Then another voice started talking. Sirius’s head shot up, and he drank in the sight of Remus. The words didn’t reach him, but his throat opened up and allowed air in again.

Remus put a hand on Lily’s shoulder and said something to her. She looked confused but nodded and gathered her things. Remus took her place when she went. He leaned across the table, eyes trained on Sirius, but kept a sterile distance between them. He talked to him, and after a while, after assuring himself again and again that those eyes were warm amber instead of iron grey, Sirius could understand what he said.

“What do you need, Sirius?”

That was simple. One look at the man in front of him, and Sirius knew what he needed: to feel safe. Warm. Those things were just in reach, and just outside of it. Because of his family.

He decided impulsively. Anger, pain, spite, it all mixed with an infinite amount of fear and the wish for feeling safe into standing up, suddenly firm on his feet, and stretched his hand out to Remus. He knew his father was watching his every step, as well as his mother and about fifty other people, but none of it mattered anymore when he led Remus onto the dancefloor and could finally pull him close.

Every camera in vicinity clicked. Other dancing couples stopped and stared. Sirius, despite having been used to the flashlight his entire life, hid his face in Remus’s chest.

After half a song (Remus was leading), Remus whispered, “Sirius, what is this?”

A silent sob ripped through Sirius’s body, and Remus gave him time until the next song started. He was just as capable at ballroom dancing as alone in a bar. “We can’t keep this up forever. What’s going on?” He was silent for a moment, before—“Is this some statement to your parents?” His voice sounded dangerously neutral.

Sirius looked up in horror. “I’m not doing this just to piss off my mother!”

“Good, I hoped so. Then please explain to me why you’re pulling me into the centre of attention like this instead.”

Sirius closed his eyes, head falling against Remus’s shoulder. “Oh God, what did I do?” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“Sirius. Reasons. What happened?”

“I just…” His breath went faster again. “I needed…”

Remus removed his hand from Sirius’s waist to lift his chin up. “Has it got to do with your father? I saw you both go inside.”

Sirius exhaled, nodding. When Remus put his hand back, Sirius winced. He had brushed one of the marks. Remus swallowed.

“I shouldn’t have pulled you into this,” Sirius continued. “They’ll be so mad. You need to get out of here.”

“What, _I_ need to get out of here? And not you? They’re going to rip you apart after this.”

Sirius shook his head. “No. If I take the blame, maybe they’ll ignore you. I can’t put you into even more danger. It was my choice, after all – “

“Oh, bite me,” Remus snapped. “It was no choice at all, you had a fucking panic attack and couldn’t even breathe.”

“I should’ve handled it.”

Remus placed a kiss on his forehead. It felt so wrong in this environment, and so right at the same time. “You shouldn’t have needed to handle it.”

Sirius smiled against his neck. “You’re not mad?”

Remus scoffed. “Of course I’m mad, I’m fucking furious, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need help to get out of here immediately.”

“Hey, lovebirds!”

Remus and Sirius lifted their heads. Lily was dancing with James next to them on an otherwise nearly empty dancefloor.

“We’ve got a plan for the ‘getting out of here’ part,” James said, just quiet enough so that no one else could hear. “But it involves running like hell as soon as possible.”

Sirius swallowed. “Where?”

“I’ve got my car here,” he said. “It’s parked right in front of the building. What do you think, through the entrance hall or taking the long way around?”

“Entrance hall,” Sirius said immediately. “They’ll have a shortcut otherwise, if they follow us. But be careful that the servants in there don’t grab you.”

“They’d do that?” Lily gasped.

“My father would make them.”

Remus nodded. “Ready?”

“Almost. Lift me up, Potter.”

“What?”

Lily jumped, confident that James would catch her on reflex, and pulled off her shoes swiftly while he held her in the air.

“Can’t run in theses,” she said when her bare feet touched the ground again. “Ok. Go.”

The four of them dashed off, hearing the tumult begin break out behind them when they jumped up the sprinted into the entrance hall. Sirius could hear his father booming over the crowd. Out of the corner of his eye he could see someone standing on the stairs to the second floor, and turned his head in time to catch the backpack Regulus threw to him. His little brother gave him a nod and vanished up the stairs.

James had pushed open the front doors, waiting that the other three had passed through before he sprinted after them, catching up easily with his long legs. Sirius pulled Remus to the right car. Lily threw herself into the front seat, James fumbled the key into the ignition lock, and they were gone. Cameras flashed.


	7. At the Potters'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus could flee from the outside world for the moment, but now they have to deal with their personal problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for mentions/results of child abuse.

“So,” Remus said when they pulled onto the main street, “two questions. Where are we going, and why doesn’t Lily hate you anymore.”

“We’ve struck up a temporary alliance to save your sorry asses,” she explained. “Really, Remus, _him?_ You told me I didn’t need to worry!”

“I – “ Before he could explain, James started, too.

“Really, Padfoot, tell me: Which part of that was _careful?_ ”

Sirius didn’t even try to defend himself. He just stared out of the window, probably feeling guilty and thinking he deserved it.

Remus reached over and took Sirius’s hand in his. “Why do you call him that?”

James laughed. “It’s a nickname from when we were kids. Sirius wouldn’t leave my side, like a very possessive dog, and become super defensive like one, too. And he had to cuddle every dog we passed on the street,” he added with a small smile. “That bit hasn’t changed.”

“You’re not one to talk, Prongs. Your nickname fits better than ever.”

“What’s ‘Prongs’?” Lily asked. 

“A deer,” Sirius explained. Remus was glad something distracted him from the current situation. “Originally I told him he walked around as if he had the biggest antlers ever on his head, wearing it as a crown. King of the forest.” He smirked. “Now you’re just protective of your herd.”

“And that’s your luck,” James reminded him, taking a turn.

“Back to my original question: Where are we going?” Remus asked.

“My place,” James said. “Or, rather, my parents’. Even the Blacks wouldn’t dare storming another pureblood family’s house.”

“I’m glad some of us have basic rights,” Lily muttered.

“It’s crazy,” James pressed out between clenched teeth. “All of it.”

Sirius pressed Remus’s hand. Remus pressed back.

James’s house was a good bit outside of the city. There weren’t many other buildings around. It was a large property, with a small lake and a part of the bordering forest on it. The Potters had just as much money as the Blacks, but their garden seemed like a garden rather than a park, their house like a home instead of a building.

The impression was confirmed when James led them into a living room with comfy armchairs and fluffy carpets. It was still stylish, sure, but it was lived in: A book lay face-down on the coffee table, a forgotten glass stood on the windowsill, and the walls were full of family pictures and drawings that had to be made by little James.

Sirius sank down onto the couch, clutching the backpack his brother had given him, and stared at the black TV.

James cleared his throat. “I’ll look for some comfier clothes and prepare beds for everyone, I just want to say—I’m glad you’re finally out of there, Pads. My parents wanted to take you in ages ago. You’ve still got family, a better one than ever. We’re here for you.”

Lily nodded. “I still don’t understand how it came to this, but I guess if Remus chose you he must’ve seen something in you. Don’t think I’m not mad at you, but I’m a thousand times madder at your parents.” She nodded encouragingly at Remus and followed James out of the room.

Remus lowered himself onto the couch next to Sirius, leaving a small gap. He didn’t know if Sirius wanted to be touched right now. He seemed a thousand worlds away.

Remus was still pondering what to say when Sirius tentatively moved his hand across the couch.

“Can I…” His eyes flickered uncertainly at Remus.

Remus didn’t know what he was asking, but gave a nod immediately. Sirius curled up into a ball at Remus’s side and clung to him. Remus held him tightly as he broke down into loud, messy sobs. He felt as if he had to hold him together, as if Sirius might break into a hundred pieces if he didn’t.

They stayed like that long after Sirius’s sobs had subsided. Holding. Breathing. Sirius could have been asleep with how still he was, but his eyes were wide open. Remus didn’t know whether it had been one hour or four when Sirius stood up and pulled Remus up with him, staying close by his side all the way up the stairs. Every door was closed, but he seemed to know where he was going. The room they entered looked like a standard guest room—twin bed, desk, wardrobe, not much else—except for a few items. A leather jacket over the chair. A stack of motorcycle magazines in one corner. There was a mattress on the floor, but Sirius flopped down onto the bed immediately. Remus understood. This was his room, as far as the Potters were concerned.

Remus went into the bathroom to pull on a shirt that James had thankfully left for him to sleep in. When he came back, Sirius, too, had changed out of his suit into something more comfortable. He had opened the backpack Regulus had given him. He wasn’t crying again. Remus thought he probably would if he still had the energy for it. This time he didn’t hesitate to sit down next to him and take him in his arms. Sirius leaned into him. They fell asleep like that, both in Sirius’s small bed, the mattress on the ground unused.

When Remus woke up in the morning, Sirius was pressed between him and the wall, still sleeping peacefully. Remus slipped out from under the covers and went downstairs.

James stood in the kitchen with his back to Remus, one eye on the pan in front of him and the other on the TV.

“ – shock for the public when oldest son of the Black family, Sirius Black, danced rather intimately with another _man_ at the ball of the leading political figures of our city. Research on any further information on the identity of this man is still in progress,“ the morning news reporter said. A whole series of pictures from every perspective possible appeared on the screen. Sirius leading him onto the dancefloor, his head resting on Remus’s shoulder, Remus lifting his chin up with one hand. The thought struck Remus that, without the context, they would have made perfect romantic wedding pictures.

James quickly turned it off when he noticed Remus in the doorway.

“I sincerely hope you didn’t just have sex,” he said, waving the spatula in the direction of Remus’s boxers.

Remus smiled thinly. “No, I just don’t have any clothes to put on.”

“Oh, right.” James regarded him for a moment. “Mine should fit you. Keep an eye on the pancakes, I’ll be right back.”

Remus flipped pancakes—yes, not English, but pancakes were comfort food—and poured new batter into the pan, trying and failing to distract his mind from the last night.

“Lily still upstairs?” He asked when James returned.

He shook his head. “Up and out of the house at five in the morning. On a bloody Saturday. She said there’s hell going down in the office.” Remus nodded, pulling on the jeans James handed him. “By the way, how did you manage to go through the evening without anyone learning your name? They’re still asking for informants.”

Remus laughed. “I’m not you, James. The reporters aren’t there to talk to me, and the purebloods usually aren’t interested in messing about with someone like me.”

James smiled grimly. “Sure, because money and a name make some people ultimately better than others.” He flipped the next pancake rather angrily.

“Your parents really break the norm of these circles, James,” Remus told him quietly.

He sighed. “I know. But then the norm is wrong.”

Remus set the table while James used up the rest of the batter. They chatted about this and that all the while. Remus was incredibly relieved that at least James was a reader and could talk about almost every book he mentioned with excitement and a deeply analytical understanding. At some point Sirius came downstairs. He looked a little more awake and present than last night, but stood quietly in a corner of the kitchen until breakfast was done, arms slung around his torso. At least he returned Remus’s smile at him weakly.

Pancakes and chocolate syrup helped a little with everything (though Remus wasn’t sure for how many people James had planned, there was still more than double of what they had eaten left in the end), but every comfort food in the world couldn’t dampen the fact that James was probably right when he advised them to stay here for the day at least. The city wasn’t safe for them at the moment.

In a silent agreement to wait for Lily to return with more news, they tried to kill time without worrying. It was impossible, of course, but they managed to have a little fun playing football in the garden and strolling through the forest.

They made unhealthy amounts of pizza for dinner—made, not ordered (James loved cooking)—when it was clear Lily wouldn’t be back in time. She sent Remus a message late at night that she’d be staying in their flat for the night since it was a shorter way from her office.

That’s why they were all surprised when they heard her voice coming from the door close to midnight. Mr. Potter’s laugh answered. James, Sirius, and Remus stormed into the corridor to find James’s parents and Lily taking off their jackets and shoes.

“We picked her up on our way back so she wouldn’t have to take the bus,” Mr. Potter said with a wink. James looked like he wanted to hug his parents to the moon and back—which he promptly did. No inhibitions there.

Lily fell onto the couch in the living room. “I’m dead,” she moaned. “Three articles. Curious—no, _obsessed_ co-workers pestering me with questions all day. Phone calls every minute. My lunch consisted of a granola bar. Dinner was three coffees.”

“There’s pancakes and pizza left,” James said.

She cracked an eye open. “Don’t tempt me, Potter, or I might just end up eating everything in your kitchen.”

He smiled. “Which one do you want?”

“Both.”

While James went to get her a plate, everyone else settled in armchairs and on couches around Lily.

“You not hungry, mom? Dad?” He called from the kitchen.

Mrs. Potter smiled tiredly. “Thank you, James, but we’ve had brunch, a late lunch, tea, and dinner with different members of the city council.”

Mr. Potter sighed and put an arm around her. “I think I won’t eat for a week. We were testing the waters, finding out what they thought about last night.”

“And trying to talk some sense into those who would listen,” his wife continued. “Without much success for the most part, though. They’re too stuck in their ways.” She regarded Sirius and Remus with a worried look. “I’m sorry. We’ll try everything we can, but I’m afraid most pureblood families can’t be persuaded.”

Remus was at a loss of words that they supported them like this at all. “Mrs. Potter – “

“Oh, call me Euphemia, please.”

“Uhm, sure. You have done so much already. I’m sure it’s a risk for you, too, you really don’t need – “

“Remus,” Mr. Potter said earnestly, leaning forward. “It’s not about whether or not we keep our position. We can use it to be a good influence, sure, but in the end it’s about doing what’s right. This is really not a question.” He turned to Sirius, and smiled warmly. “And besides, Sirius is our son. Family is here for each other.”

Lily took a plate full of breakfast and dinner from James. “Well, at least now we know where James is getting that from.”

“How are things in the office, Lily?” Remus asked.

She sighed. “Everyone’s trying to find out who you are. Other than that, each journal tries to get as much out of the story as they can. There are a hundred different versions of what really happened already, but with so many cameras around the picture’s pretty clear.”

“There’s no point in denying anything,” Euphemia stated firmly. “Now it is only a question of what can be done about it.”

Lily rubbed her eyes. “I’ll think of something.”

James nodded. “We all will.”

There wasn’t much to be done on a Sunday, though, so they enjoyed the day as much as they could—except for Lily, who stayed in James’s room for phone calls and writing more articles until Mr. Potter ushered her into his study. But even she called it a day when dinner was ready and they had a pleasant evening.

“What I still don’t understand,” Fleamont said over dessert, “is how you two got to know each other. I mean, from what James has told me, you didn’t meet at the pureblood ball for the first time.”

“He was molesting me in a bar,” Remus said dryly.

“Sirius!” Euphemia exclaimed, aghast. “That’s not how we raised you!”

Remus knew Sirius was as good as part of the Potter family, but he was still surprised by the motherly implications. It didn’t seem to be unusual for Sirius, though.

“I wasn’t molesting him! I was dancing!” he protested.

“You see, Pads,” Remus said, digging into his pudding, “it’s about the way _how_ you were dancing.”

Sirius blushed adorably and bowed low over his plate to hide it. James, on the other hand, seemed to have lost his appetite.

“I can picture it vividly,” he said in a miserable tone.

Lily, Euphemia, and Fleamont spluttered into their pudding.

When they went to bed, Sirius was already rolled up into his blanket and turned to the wall when Remus came out of the bathroom. He sat down on the mattress.

“Everything ok?” he asked cautiously. “You seem… distant.”

“My family will probably have me disowned by noon tomorrow and the whole world is currently concerned with who I love. What do you mean ‘everything ok’?”

Remus’s heart had missed a beat when Sirius had said ‘who I love’, but at the same time his voice sounded so bitter that it cut into Remus’s soul.

“I just mean…” he fumbled with his sleeve. “You’ve barely talked the past two days and—and you have kept at a distance from me. Is everything ok… between us?”

“Well, you’re the one who has to decide that, aren’t you?”

“What?” Remus asked, confused. “Why?”

“I’m the one who has made the mistake,” Sirius said, still speaking to the wall.

“I already told you, Sirius, it was the best and the only thing you could have done. It wasn’t a mistake.”

“Then why are you acting as if it was?”

“What are you talking about? You’re the one who’s staying away from me!”

“You’re the one who’s mad at me,” Sirius said, as if that explained everything. Something in Remus’s brain clicked. Maybe it did.

“Did you think,” he said slowly, “that because I was angry you couldn’t come to me?” Sirius didn’t answer, but the pieces fit together for Remus now and formed a horrible picture. “Because you made a mistake?” He swallowed and spoke the next bit quietly. “Did you think I was punishing you?”

The thick blanket made it hard to see, but Sirius was trembling. Remus laid a hand on his shoulder. “I wanted to give you space, Pads,” he said softly. “I thought you might regret having done this. I thought… maybe you didn’t want this anymore.”

“No.” Sirius voice was small, muffled by the blanket. “I only regret it’s harming you, too.”

Remus had to smile. “Well, I’m glad we’ve settled this now. You can always come to me, Sirius. Even when I’m angry. And you can make mistakes, that’s ok.”

Sirius took a shaky breath. “Can I take your hand?”

“Hmm… I’m rather cold, actually. Can I come under your blanket?”

Sirius laughed weakly and finally turned to Remus, holding up the blanket. He snuggled in, as close as possible to Sirius so as not to fall out of the bed, and just because he wanted to. Sirius probably needed it, too.

“There are very few times when I’m not up for cuddling,” Remus whispered. “And if that’s the case, I’ll tell you, ok? It usually doesn’t have anything to do with being angry.” Sirius nodded into his chest. Remus stroked his hair, his back, slowly working his way lower. “Now there’s just the question,” he continued, “are you also up for more?”

Sirius’s breath hitched when Remus reached the curve of his arse. “Yes,” he breathed.

“Let me prove to you how much you still deserve to feel good, even if you made a mistake,” Remus whispered while he pushed down Sirius’s boxers. “How much I still want to touch you.” He rubbed around Sirius’s hole, Sirius shivering and writhing under his hand.

When Remus pushed a finger inside, he gasped “Can I touch?”

It reminded him painfully that Sirius would need constant reassurance, but as soon as he said “You can,” Sirius’s hands were all over him, roaming over his chest and back and arse, everywhere they could reach. He pushed back against Remus’s finger, wanting more.

“Sirius, do you have – “

“Nightstand,” he moaned. “Lower drawer.”

Remus pulled out, a kiss promising more to come. He leaned down the side of the bed to reach for the nightstand. When he had found what he was looking for and pulled himself back up, Sirius was staring at him, touching himself.

Remus climbed on top of him, propped up on elbows and knees, Sirius bracketed between them. They kissed hungrily.

“What do you want, Pads?” Remus murmured while he trailed kisses down his jaw.

“Please,” Sirius said, squirming under him. “Need you.”

“How, Sirius? Say it.” He sucked lightly at his neck, and Sirius gasped.

“In me. Please.”

Remus sucked harder at the spot, heat rushing to his cock, before he let go to put some lube onto his fingers. Sirius grabbed his hips, hard, when Remus’s finger returned, prodding and circling, before a second was added.

“Shh,” Remus murmured when Sirius moved his hips against his fingers. “Soon.” He added a third finger, and Sirius moaned. Remus had to lean down, into that open mouth. Sirius looked perfect.

He forced himself to pull away, his fingers, too, to put on a condom and lube himself up. Sirius lay completely motionless under him.

Remus groaned when his tip touched Sirius’s entrance. He pushed forward carefully, giving them both time to get used to it. Sirius was so tight. Remus kissed his neck and could feel him relax. He pushed in all the way and gasped. Being so close to Sirius, showing him how much he was loved—it felt so right.

Sirius’s hips bucked up, and Remus was gone. He pulled out almost all the way before pushing back in. The second time, he hit a slightly different angle and Sirius whimpered. “Remus.”

They went faster after that. Sirius was gasping with every stroke, and when Remus was about to come Sirius grabbed his dick, letting out a loud moan before he came all over his chest. That sent Remus over the edge, too. Pleasure overtook him, and with a last effort he managed to push himself to the side so he wouldn’t collapse on top of Sirius.

After a while of bathing in the afterglow, Remus got up to dispose of the condom and clean up. He had to lift Sirius’s limbs up one by one to do it, and when he was done and slipped back under the covers Sirius still hadn’t moved or opened an eye.

“You’re really out of it, aren’t you?” he chuckled.

“Hmm-hm.”

Remus kissed his forehead. “Sleep, Sirius.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys don't know how happy I am to see that people are reading this :) It's a small dopamine rush every time look at the hits and kudos. Thank you so much!!! If you wanna tell me your opinion, feel free to leave comments. I'll try to answer as soon as I can.


	8. Scars and a name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for physical and emotional abuse, and depression.

The first thing Sirius became aware of as he rose slowly out of deep dreams was sunlight shining through his closed eyelids. But that wasn’t what had woken him up. No, it was something equally warm, but softer… closer…

He hummed in pleasure as Remus played with his hair, touched his face lightly, stroked lazily over his shoulder, his chest, his back—Sirius winced.

He immediately regretted it. Remus’s hand had stopped, but that in itself wasn’t as fatal as knowing he had noticed.

“Padfoot?”

Sirius dreaded looking at him, but opened his eyes anyway. He had been caught.

Remus expression could mean anything, from surprise over worry and uncertainty to anger or a mix of them all. “What’s wrong?”

Sirius pressed his face into the pillow. “It’s nothing,” he mumbled.

“Sirius, are you hurt?”

“Forget it. S’ok.”

Sirius hoped for a moment he had let it go, but then Remus finger stroked over the same spot again. Sirius sucked in the air sharply. He had been able to hide it yesterday, when Remus had only brushed the streaks by accident, but a deliberate pressing down was much harder to ignore.

“It’s something,” Remus said, voice cold with anger now. Sirius knew he had learned yesterday that he didn’t have to be afraid of Remus, even when he was angry, but years of experience couldn’t be forgotten in an instant. His body reacted on its own, closing up as much as possible without attracting attention to himself, tensing, pressing into the mattress—the farthest he could get away from Remus at the moment.

Remus didn’t notice. He sat up and pulled the covers off Sirius. “Take your shirt off.”

Sirius jumped up and over Remus and, before he was aware what he was doing, found himself standing in the middle of the room, breathing heavily.

Remus jerked back, further up the bed, away from Sirius. There was panic in his eyes. “I—I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that. It was not ok. But tell me what is wrong, Pads? If it hurts—you have to tell me. I could hurt you. Hell, I probably hurt you yesterday. Why didn’t you say something? Just… let me help, please. You don’t have to show, but let me help.”

Sirius forced himself to unclench his fists and slow his breath. This was Remus. Remus. He didn’t intend to punish Sirius. The worry was genuine. He was only angry because—because Sirius was hurt. Just like James had been, and Euphemia and Fleamont. They didn’t have a reason, except that they cared. Remus cared. About him.

Sirius was scared that once he knew, he’d only see Sirius as someone to take care of, as weak, as a victim, as a small boy who couldn’t defend himself. But James had shown him over years and years that he still saw Sirius as equally strong, so maybe Remus could, too.

Most of all, what made him decide in the end was that he didn’t want to lie to him. Hiding something made him feel like they were still a one-or-more night stand to each other, nothing personal, nothing that mattered. Remus mattered. Sirius trusted him, and he wanted to show that.

He took his shirt off. His skin crawled with the feeling of being completely exposed, vulnerable.

Remus hadn’t expected Sirius to do this. He stared at Sirius’s chest, mouth standing open. Walburga always made sure that everything would be covered by fabric, but the space she had she used thoroughly. The first slash started a few inches under Sirius’s left collarbone. Long, violent red streaks ran across his chest, sternum, and torso, stopping just above where the waistband of his trousers would be. The skin around them was coloured in every shade of purple, blue, and green. Older scars, scattered everywhere, small and big, long or broad, gleamed white against the bruises.

Remus stretched out his hand, finger moving as if he was touching the wounds even though they were still metres apart. Sirius walked forward, towards that reaching hand, until he was standing right in front of him. Remus’s eyes flickered up, making sure again. Sirius nodded.

His fingers were so unbelievably careful. They were flying over Sirius’s skin, barely touching at all. Following the lines, old and new, circling the bruises. The touch tingled and Sirius shivered, but he didn’t know whether it was because it was Remus, or because the wounds were still sensitive.

Remus traced one streak that went around his side. Sirius turned so that he could see his back. He had regretted the decision to show his scars as soon as his shirt was off, afraid to drive Remus away, but those worries had been silenced. Sirius couldn’t remember ever having been touched like this.

When he examined a slash on Sirius’s shoulder blade, Remus found his voice again. “Sirius, these are fresh.”

He shook his head. “Nah, they’re not. It was three days ago, they’re almost healed.”

“Three days ago? That was –“ he counted back, making the connection. “ –before the ball. Sirius, did your father do this to you?”

He almost laughed. “No, that was my mother. You’d notice if it had been my father.”

Remus’s fingers froze. “Why?”

“I probably wouldn’t be able to stand up yet.”

Careful not to hit any wounds, he grabbed Sirius’s shoulder firmly and turned him back around, searching for his eyes. “You mean that?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said, avoiding Remus eyes. He didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. “I’m used to my mom’s methods, but my father got only involved on… special occasions.”

Remus let his hand fall and leaned against the wall behind him. Closing his eyes, he patted on the mattress beside him. “Come here.”

Confused, Sirius crawled onto the bed, pulling the covers over his naked body. At first he just sat next to him, not sure if Remus wanted him close now that he had seen the gross wounds, but when Remus pulled him in Sirius made himself comfortable. He lay down with his head in Remus’s lap.

Remus petted his hair. “Did you have these the first time, too?” he asked.

“After the bar?” Sirius thought for a moment. “That was about a week after the ball. My mother wanted me to dance there, but I just drove away, so…”

“What?”

“She had to make sure I didn’t try that again.”

Remus let out his breath. “When you said you had some things that weren’t pretty under there, I assumed you meant scars. Just scars, Sirius. Maybe from an accident, or an operation, or…” He didn’t finish the sentence. “Not—not _this._ Not that your parents _hit_ you. Regularly.”

Sirius buried his head deeper in Remus’s lap, rather concentrating on the loving touch. He hadn’t known he liked getting his hair petted so much. “I know it’s not exactly… common anymore,” he mumbled.

“Not common? Sirius, it’s illegal!”

“The usual law doesn’t apply to a family like mine, Remus. If money can’t buy their way out of something, their influence can. No one could ever win a trial against them.”

“They won’t get away with this,” Remus murmured. Sirius didn’t want him to get even more in the line of fire, but he didn’t want to argue right now. Thankfully Remus focused on something else for now. “What about Regulus?”

Sirius tensed. “He was never like me,” he said hesitantly. “Not so stubborn and determined to challenge our parents’ opinion. Always the good son. He managed to get around it mostly, but now… I imagine they’re quite agitated, and with me not around to take the blame – “

Remus stopped him by leaning down and kissing him. The tense muscles in Sirius’s body relaxed once more. He couldn’t not feel good when Remus kissed him.

“I’m sure Regulus is alright,” Remus told him quietly. “But don’t believe for a second that anything that happens was your fault. Do you understand?”

He was still so close. “Yeah,” Sirius breathed.

Remus kissed him again, on the cheek this time. “Good,” he whispered.

“Remus,“ Sirius began. He was afraid to ask, but now that they had found out how big a misconception between them could be, he had to make sure. “What has happened to – “

There was a knock at the door. “Boys,” James called. “I hope you’re awake yet because—I think you better come downstairs.”

Remus and Sirius shared a wide-eyed glance. He sounded nervous and worried.

“Coming,” Sirius answered, and they scrambled to dress.

For eight o’clock in the morning on a Monday, there was much going on in the Potter mansion. Euphemia was talking fast into a phone, marching from one room to the next and back again without any apparent reason. Fleamont was arguing rather heatedly with someone at the door. James hurriedly pulled them in the opposite direction, to the dinner table, where his laptop had about thirty tabs open. If James decided to work on something, there was nothing stopping him. Four empty cups of coffee stood on the counter.

“What’s happening, Prongs?” Sirius tried not to let the fear seep into his voice.

“There’s a guy who – “

Before James got farther than that, a skype call popped up on the screen.

“Lily!”

He quickly answered the call. Lily’s face appeared, an open plan office with people bustling and shouting in the background.

“Oh thank God, you’re all here,” she sighed. “How much do you know?”

“Nothing,” Sirius bit out. “Could anyone just tell already?” Remus was awfully quiet. Sirius wanted to take his hand, to comfort him and to be comforted, but maybe that would seem clingy and insecure. They had just cuddled, after all.

“I can’t speak long so I’ll make it short: Remus’s name has been leaked. But not only that; other information, too. Date of birth, hometown, history, even the address of our flat. I can’t go back there tonight. James, is it ok if I stay at yours a little longer?”

“Of course. Stay as long as you like, we have the room.”

She looked relieved. “Thank you. I couldn’t afford a hotel and, to be honest, I’m only waiting ‘til someone here makes the connection that that’s my home address, too.”

“I don’t understand,” Sirius interjected. “Who was the informant? Even if they met Remus at the party, how can they know all this?”

“We have no idea,” James said. “It’s been anonymous.”

“Someone called at twenty minutes to eight here at the office,” said Lily. “Number suppressed. If I had gotten the call maybe I could have prevented it.” She ran a hand through her hair.

“They’d just have called somewhere else, Lily,” Remus said.

“You’re probably right.” She looked over her shoulder. “I have to go now. Think about who could know all this information about you, yes? I’ll try to stay here as long as I can, until someone finds something to connect us.”

“Be safe,” James said, just before the call ended.

Sirius clenched and unclenched his fists. “Is it even legal to publish this kind of information about someone?”

“Mom and dad are working on that end right now,” James said. “It would help if we knew where it came from. Any idea, Remus?”

Remus, though, was still as stone. He seemed smaller than he actually was. Sirius ached to embrace him, to hold him and support him, but knew that some people didn’t want physical contact in such a moment.

“Excuse me,” Remus said quietly and left the room.

James and Sirius exchanged panicked glances. James nodded his head into the direction of the door.

“What?” Sirius whispered.

“You should go check on him!”

Sirius wrung his hands. “Maybe he wants to be alone.”

“Then he’ll tell you that,” James said. “He isn’t used to this, Pads. The eye of the public on him and everything. I don’t know what he’s feeling, but it sure as hell isn’t good.”

“Can’t you call Lily back and let her talk to him?”

“He’s _your_ boyfriend!”

“We haven’t reached boyfriend-status yet, Prongs!”

“Oh, please. He put his career on the line for you and you ran away from your family to be with him.”

“We haven’t talked about it yet!”

“Then you are being idiots, but if you don’t go check on him now you’re an even bigger idiot! Go take care of him!”

“I don’t know how, Prongs! How do you do something like that?”

James’s eyes grew soft. “You don’t always know that, Padfoot. But you have already done these things. Remember when my granny died when we were in sixth grade? You had no idea what it was like to lose a loved one, but you comforted me and were there for me. You already _care about_ him. That’s all you need to _take care_ of him.”

Instead of going after Remus directly, Sirius prepared a cup of tea. He knew he was stalling, but at least something good was going to come from it. When he couldn’t stand James’s half-angry, half-exasperated glances anymore, he finally went to look for his—boyfriend?

A full cup of tea in one hand made it harder to search the house than it could have been, especially after Remus hadn’t been in Sirius’s—their?—room. When he had tried every available room in the house and stood in the living room, devastated, Sirius caught sight of a figure in the garden through the glass door.

Remus sat with his back to the wall of the house on the patio, hugging his knees. He looked so lost in—in himself, or in the world. He didn’t even raise his head when Sirius pushed open the back door. Sirius approached him slowly, like you might approach a wild animal, looking out for any sign that his presence was unwanted. There was none, at least no change in the already closed-off body language. But getting no reaction at all was almost worse than being sent away. Sirius felt as if he was walking blindfolded through a minefield.

He sat down the mug in front of Remus and settled himself cross-legged on the ground next to him.

“So, uhh,” he started, “I brought you tea. I thought that might help, which it probably won’t, now that I think about it, but then things are shit and you at least have a cup of tea. If you want it.” He stopped rambling when Remus picked up the cup. Not drinking, just wrapping his hands around it.

5/10, Sirius thought, but I’ll count that as a win for my incompetent first guess at Comforting Remus. Now what? James was much more experienced than him at these things. Sirius knew how to be charming, persuasive, flirty, diplomatic, and manipulative. Those were requirements for surviving in the Black politics. Kind and comforting hadn’t been on the list.

“Can I hug you?” He hadn’t meant to say it. Words were falling out of his mouth, as usual, without checking in with his brain first. But it was the only thing he could think of at the moment to help Remus. He couldn’t turn the time, couldn’t let people forget what they had seen and read, couldn’t make it easier somehow. He could only be there and hope that was enough.

Remus nodded once, minimally, and didn’t lean into the embrace when Sirius wrapped his arms around him—the first time holding, not being held. It was different, but not in a bad way. Suddenly Sirius was the protector instead of the protected. It made him feel strong and needed, but he thought it would be exhausting to do only this. Maybe that’s why there were two people in a relationship.

If Remus needed it, though, Sirius could hold and protect for a very long time. So they stayed on the patio until almost noon, when Euphemia insisted they had to eat something. The sun seemed like a personal offense. It should have been raining.

After three bites of his pie Remus vanished upstairs without a word and didn’t answer when Sirius knocked later. He let him be.

Sirius didn’t quite know what to do with himself after that. Reading the news and opening any social media was off limits, as he soon found out. He had dealt with public judgement all his life, but this was straight up hate from people he actually knew. He watered all the plants in the house. He played video games, but that didn’t keep his mind occupied. Read up on child abuse on the internet but quickly closed the page again. Sometime later. When he was stronger.

Once he walked into James’s room to find him on the floor in the middle of a pile of papers, notes, and newspaper pages, alternating between his smartphone and laptop.

“What are you doing?” Sirius asked.

“Stuff.”

“Can I help?”

“Better not.”

“Thanks,” he said sarcastically.

“No—I meant, not yet. I’ll probably need you later.”

That was a little bit more satisfactory, but didn’t help Sirius combat his increasingly fidgety, anxious boredom.

He was relieved when Lily turned up late in the afternoon. She was still speaking into her phone while James forced Sirius to help him make dinner. His parents joined soon later, setting the table silently with the boys.

“Yeah, Marls, I know you wouldn’t,” Lily said. “No idea. If it wasn’t illegally obtained, it almost certainly was someone back in Scotland.” She listened for a moment, and then her eyes grew wide. “A CV? I’ll ask him.” A pause. “Thanks, but I can stay at the Potters’ for now. It’s farther away from all the mess anyway, and they’re really kind.” She smiled at Euphemia before saying “Bye. Yeah, you too,” and ending the call.

Fleamont laid a hand on her shoulder. “You can stay as long as you like, Lily. We’re glad to have you here. Neither of you would be safe right now back in town.”

Lily promptly hugged him. She pulled away when James put the food on the table and scanned the room. “Where’s Remus?”

Everyone looked at Sirius for an answer. “Still upstairs,” he said. He had knocked two more times, without success. He felt miserable about leaving Remus alone like this, but he also didn’t want to force anything on him.

“Poor boy,” Euphemia whispered.

“Why? How has he been?” Lily was tense, eyes shifting between them.

“Since your call this morning he hasn’t said more than two words,” James told her. “Fled outside in the garden at first, and later locked himself in their room. He ate as good as nothing.”

Lily’s face had drained of colour while he spoke. She turned on her heels and all but sprinted up the stairs. When the others caught up with her, they couldn’t see anyone in Sirius’s room at first. Then he spotted Lily on the floor, hugging Remus, who was almost out of sight behind the desk. She spoke quietly to him but stood up soon, ushering the others outside in front of her.

They ate in gloomy silence until Sirius couldn’t stand it anymore. ”You know him better than I do. What’s going on inside him?”

Lily sighed and put her knife and fork down. “ _What_ it is, I can’t imagine,” she said. “But I know it’s too much. You need to know more about him to understand.” They waited, but she obviously needed time to find the right words. Fleamont got a glass of lemonade for everyone before Lily spoke again. “Listen; He allowed me to tell you, but I don’t want to take away his opportunity to present himself, so I won’t go into detail. Remus has had depression since a very young age. It’s chronic. He takes antidepressants and usually that works fine, but every now and then he has a stronger episode. There’s no system to it, no regularity. Sometimes it comes out of the blue, other times it’s triggered. Doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with what’s going on in his life at the moment. It can…” She hesitated for the first time. “It can get really bad. He stops talking, stops eating, can’t get out of bed for days.” She poked at her potatoes in distress. “I didn’t realize this would trigger something. Remus is usually very good at keeping on even if shit hits the fan, and he hasn’t shown any early warning signs lately. On the other hand, I haven’t been home that much…” She shook her head. “I guess his name leaking was the last straw. With everything that’s been happening lately he was already struggling, and now this was just another bucket being dumped on him—a very large one.”

“What can we do to help?” Fleamont asked.

“Do the little things he can’t do himself,” she said immediately. “We may not be able to do something about the bigger problems, but we can remove as many of the little issues as possible. Do the laundry, clean the room. Let some fresh air inside now and then. All the small tasks he hasn’t got the strength for right now. Make sure he eats; hunger only makes everything worse. Same with drinking. But, ultimately, you just have to wait ‘til it’s over.”

“Okay,” said Euphemia. “We’ll do that.”

James nodded.

Sirius had lost his appetite. “Why didn’t he tell me?” He whispered.

“Because he’s been too busy worrying about you,” Lily explained softly. “Don’t you understand? You needed support, so he couldn’t afford appearing weak. You were leaning on him.”

“I never wanted to hurt him!”

“It wasn’t under your control. And it would have happened sooner or later anyway. It will always happen again. Sirius, it’ll never be ‘over’. He may seem alright most of the time, but there will always be bad days. You can’t fix that.”

“I want to be there for all of it.” Sirius swallowed. It was a big statement, especially this early, but he had never felt surer about anything. The others, apparently, could read on his face how serious he was.

“Tell him that,” Euphemia suggested. “It will be good for him to hear it.”

Lily nodded. “I’m not sure he’ll answer anything right now, but if you mean that then talk to him.”

Sirius did just that. His heart pounded double-time when he softly pushed open the door to their room, but he needed to show Remus that he didn’t see him only as a good-times acquaintance. He wanted to know all sides of Remus, bright and dark, soft and edged.

Remus hadn’t moved from his spot behind the desk. His head was resting against the wall, turned sideways so he was staring at the blank area next to the window. Sirius sat down on his other side.

“So Lily told you?” Remus asked. His voice sounded raspy and tired, but Sirius was thrilled that he spoke at all.

He nodded. “Not everything, I think, but enough to understand.” Remus didn’t show any reaction, maybe waiting for judgement. Sirius took a deep breath. “It’s ok, you know. It’s ok if you’re not ok. I’m not ok either.”

Remus turned his head to the front. Sirius could study the outline of his features against the incoming evening light. “But you didn’t need that right now,” Remus said. “I should be taking care of you.”

Tentatively, Sirius reached out and took Remus’s hand in his. He didn’t pull away. Sirius rubbed small circles into his palm. “You can’t always do that. But we can take care of each other. Maybe not of ourselves, but of each other.”

Remus looked at him out of the corner of his eye. Sirius gave him a tiny smile. Not an everything’s-fine-and-I’m-happy smile; rather an it’s-not-fine-but-we’ll-deal-with-it smile. Remus nodded once.

After a while, Sirius said, “Lily told me to tell you something I said downstairs.” His throat was clogged and he was scared that it was too much for Remus, but he wasn’t scared of the commitment itself. He concentrated profusely on Remus’s hand while he spoke. “I know it’s a lot, but I wanted you to know. I want to be there for all of it, Remus. Your good days and your bad. Every part of you.”

Remus made a choked noise of affirmation and turned his hand to interlock their fingers. It was silent, but it was just as much of a commitment as Sirius’s words. His heart warmed with a roaring, giant love for this man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, things may look bad, but at least Remus and Sirius slowly figure each other out. Let's see how they figure everything else out...


	9. Things start rolling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for depression and mentions of self-harm. But don't worry, it's not completely dark! I think we passed the worst in chapter 8.

He coaxed Remus to go to bed when sheets of shadow slowly shrouded the room. Sirius changed into his pyjamas, casually taking his shirt off in front of someone else for the first time in years. He could feel Remus’s gaze on his back.

In the morning he assembled breakfast for Remus on a tray since he didn’t seem to be able to stand up. Sirius felt better now that he had more of a clue about what was going on with Remus, and how to handle it. His zest for action had returned, even if that action consisted of keeping Remus silent company.

Lily barged in while Remus still nibbled at his bread.

“Morning,” she greeted them. “Remus, this won’t take long, but I need your help with something. Marlene had the association yesterday that the informant sounded exactly like he was reading the facts of your CV when he called us. Do you think that’s possible?”

Remus shrugged with one shoulder. “Sure.”

“Who could have done that?”

“Anyone at the places I sent applications to.”

Lily sighed. “That’s a lot.”

“Did you have a photo on your application?” Sirius asked.

Lily’s eyes widened. “No, he didn’t. Good thinking. So only the ones where you had a job interview remain. Where can I find a list, Rem?”

“My laptop.”

“Thanks. That’s great help.” She bustled out.

Still, at every place Remus had had a job interview it could be anyone who had access to the files, Sirius thought when he carried the tray back downstairs. Remus had rolled over and closed his eyes again after eating a third of the food. But that was still more than he’d eaten all day yesterday.

Sirius took it upon himself to wash not only his dishes, but all those who had piled up next to the sink. Euphemia, who was working at the kitchen table, smiled at him gratefully.

Of course Sirius got a call exactly when his hands were wet, but he managed to accept it just in time.

“Sirius Black,” he answered, as formally as he had learned from the beginning on.

“Good morning Mr. Black,” a firm, female voice answered. “My name is Amelia Bones. I’m from the law firm _Phoenix_.”

Sirius’s blood froze in his veins. “Is there a problem?”

“Not yet, but that’s what I would like to ask you. You have to understand that so far no one knows about this conversation. I am acting out of personal motivations and not because I was hired.”

“Why?”

“Because, Mr Black, after three days of obsessing over a few photos and your sexual orientation, still no one seems to ask why—even at an official event between more than two hundred other people—you felt it was necessary to run away.”

Sirius didn’t know what to say. It had never even occurred to him that there had been, looking at it objectively from the outside, other solutions. Euphemia regarded him questioningly, following the conversation as best as she could.

“I will of course need further information before I can form an opinion, and even then I don’t know what we will be able to do,” Madam Bones said. “But I am willing to listen and cooperate with you if you agree.”

She waited, and when Sirius was still at a loss for words Euphemia stood up and gestured for him to give her his phone. Sirius was glad to pass the conversation to somebody more competent right now. He didn’t know if he’d be able to talk about it, if he wanted to talk about it, or could even begin to explain everything to a random stranger.

“Madam Bones? This is Euphemia Potter speaking…” she vanished into another room.

Sirius legs suddenly gave in and he sank onto a chair. There was someone willing to listen. Willing to act, even, and not only in exchange for money.

Euphemia returned soon later. She sat down at the other side of the table and pushed his phone towards him.

“Sirius, what you say or do is ultimately your choice,” she said. “I won’t force you. No one can. But if we get an offer like this, we have to take the opportunity. There aren’t many presented to us at the moment.” She sighed. “I scheduled a meeting with Madam Bones for tomorrow. She is even ready to drive out here so you won’t have to go into town. You can still decline to talk then if you aren’t ready.”

Sirius nodded. “Thank you. I just… couldn’t speak suddenly.”

She walked around the table and pulled him into a hug, just as motherly as she had when James had hauled him into the Potters’ home for the first time. “That’s understandable, Sirius. We’re all here to help you.”

Until the appointment with Madam Bones, Sirius spent his time keeping Remus company. Sometimes he would stay with him for hours, lying on the bed or reading (yes, Sirius Black did pick up a book). Other times he would check in with all the other inhabitants of the house, reporting back to Remus that Euphemia and Fleamont were still busy reaching out to every person they knew in the city, Lily was working non-stop, and James was still planning mysterious stuff he wouldn’t say more about. They watched a few movies, huddled in a blanket on the bed—that was, Sirius was watching the movies when he wasn’t watching Remus, who was mostly just sleeping on his chest.

The next day Euphemia called him downstairs. She was sitting in the living room with a square-jawed, resolute-looking middle-aged woman in business clothing.

“Madam Bones, I presume?” Sirius smiled and shook her hand. A lifetime of charming politics boy wouldn’t be lost.

“Correct,” she said.

The meeting went well, but he was glad for the familiar environment and Euphemia’s presence. They didn’t go into detail. With Euphemia’s help he was able to give Madam Bones some first ideas what his home life looked like. She was shocked, to say the least, and promised to see what she and her team could do. It wouldn’t be easy, going against the Blacks, and they would need a lot of evidence, but they were going to try.

They planned other appointments at which Sirius would have to give detailed testimony. It would be recorded so that he wouldn’t have to speak again in front of the court. That seemed surreal, to Sirius, accusing his parents in court. But Madam Bones was competent and determined and had a whole team at _Phoenix_ , so he decided to trust her.

Nonetheless Sirius sincerely hoped, as he climbed up the stairs after Madam Bones had taken her leave, that Remus was in cuddle mood right now.

He was lucky. Snuggled up against his boyfriend, Sirius was able to calm down. Talking about his home life had shaken him, but it had also gotten him thinking: The accusations against his parents were a delicate matter. It was risky and would need a lot of preparation, but that didn’t mean he was helpless in the meantime. He was out of there now. He didn’t have to play their political games anymore—but he knew how they worked. And he guessed a lot of people would be interested to hear that, once he started spilling.

The purebloods still ruled a democracy, no matter how manipulated and illusionary. If enough people lost faith in their right for superiority because of tradition, understood what families like the Blacks really thought of the people of London, it could be enough to chisel away their power base.

He would need help, though. To reach the right people, approach it all in the right way.

The opportunity arrived, unexpectedly, at one in the morning a few days later. Sirius found it on his nightly wanderings around the house, downstairs in the kitchen. Sleeping had never been easy for him, but it was increasingly difficult these days—with Remus lying right next to him, and at the same time seeming to be on the other side of the planet. Sirius felt as if there at least three panes of glass between them.

So, sometimes, often, when he couldn’t sleep, Sirius slipped out from under the covers and found comfort in the silence of an empty house. In his childhood, silence had always equalled safety. The haunting ghosts of bare halls and dark rooms had been his friends.

It was different in the Potters’ house, though. Where the silence had been cold and echoing and empty in the Black manor, here it was warm and covered with plush. The house was alive, simply waiting for its inhabitants to rise for a new day. Sleeping. Breathing.

The kitchen seemed more awake than the other rooms, with the rhythmic gurgling of the dishwasher, the quiet hum of the fridge, and the clock ticking steadily on the wall. With Lily sitting at the table and crying.

Sirius quickened his steps when he heard the sobs. Her laptop stood in front of her, screen saver sadly watching her tears fall. Sirius was shocked to see this girl, whom he had known for years only as determined, resourceful, fierce, caring, cheerful, angry, or thoughtful, broken down to fragility. He knew everyone needed to cry now and then. He just hadn’t thought she’d be alone in a dark kitchen when she did.

Hesitantly, Sirius stepped into the room. She looked up and sniffed, eyes puffy and tip of the nose red.

“Hey, Siri,” she choked out.

He smiled at the nickname, despite his worry. She’d never called him that before. Maybe it meant they were friends, rather than vaguely acquainted and accidentally involved in the same trouble.

“Hey, Lils.” He sat down sideways on the next chair, facing her. “James’s been snoring again?”

It shook a laugh out of her, even if it was accompanied by more tears. “I got a call. Didn’t want to wake him.”

Sirius shrugged, a crooked smile on his lips. “He’s used to it, after years of late-night calls from me. Always said it was infuriating when I woke him, but never failed to pick up.”

She eyed him thoughtfully while he reached over to the counter to a box of tissues. Lily accepted it and blew her nose.

Sirius gave her a little time to compose herself before he asked “Care to talk about it?”

She sighed. “It was the office, again.”

He cocked his head. “At this time?”

She nodded. “It’s not unusual, really, and I wouldn’t care if it was about anything else.”

“But it’s about us.” Sirius couldn’t help but feel guilty.

Surprisingly, Lily shook her head. “That alone wouldn’t be a problem. I’d still do my job like everyone else. But now that it’s out that Remus and I are flatmates, they’re constantly asking me why there’s nothing new. Why I don’t do more. Why I don’t use the advantage of knowing you, hell, living with the both of you now.”

“Why don’t you?” he asked, genuinely curious.

She stared at him incredulously. “Because it’s your privacy. Because I won’t exploit it to get a good story out of it. Because I don’t _use_ my friends. It’d be like pushing you in front of a truck just to save my own skin. Just because some career-thirsty and money-hungry pricks I work with demand inside info, and tell me I’m letting them down if I don’t deliver.”

Despite her words, Sirius could hear a tint of pain at the end. This was her first job. The start of her career. The decision was not even a choice in her eyes right now, but she still regretted what could have been.

He shook his head. “You’re an incredible journalist, Lily. I didn’t understand at the time, but what you pulled off at the solstice ball…” he smirked at her sideways. “That was some sly questioning right there. Asking me about an incident no one else could know about—assures some unique interviews, that’s for sure.”

She laughed. “My boss believed me to be all buddy-buddy with the lot of you, so I had to come up with something.”

“I didn’t think you’d even remember.”

“No one could ignore you as trouble-makers of the year.” Lily rolled her eyes. “I know, since I’ve certainly tried.”

Sirius put a hand on his heart. “Lily, I’m honoured,” he said in an exaggeratedly earnest tone. “Don’t let James hear that or he’ll think you’re flirting.”

“His involvement was a welcome side-benefit, actually,” she mused. “I wanted to hear you talk about him. Some things about this arrogant Potter-bloke I always saw just… didn’t add up.”

He grinned. “Now, you certainly don’t want to let him hear _that._ He might just get the idea that you’re interested in him.”

“James wasn’t the main reason I asked you about thinking the cafeteria prices were too high” Lily said glaring at him.. Mostly I wanted to prove you were selfish, tight-fisted gits.”

Sirius opened his mouth, then closed it again before saying, “I can’t even say I’m hurt. Damn, I’m impressed. It could have worked.”

She grimaced. “Yeah, if James and you hadn’t actually been doing it for other kids. With extensive research—that required more than a few hours of work—to back it up. You ruined my plan.”

His grin widened. “Sorry for not being selfish tight-fisted gits, then.”

She boxed him in the arm. “If you were one, I like to think Remus wouldn’t have fallen for you, and I wouldn’t have to tell my boss I won’t give him anything new.”

Sirius hummed in acknowledgement, but was lost in thought when an idea passed his mind. Like a butterfly in front of a bright blue sky—he should have seen it earlier, really. “You know, I might be able to help you there.”

Lily looked up at him in alarm. “Oh no, Sirius, I won’t publish anything about you two, not when Remus is – “

“I would never say anything about us without Remus’s consent,” Sirius interrupted her. “But this isn’t about us, it’s about me. Or, at least, from me.”

“What do you mean?” Her leaning forward communicated curiosity just as much as her frown told about suspicion.

“You said you have pages about politics in the _Prophet_ …” he began. And then, with a mischievous smirk: “Interested in some inside knowledge?”

Lily almost fell from her chair. “Are you serious?” she spluttered.

“Always,” he laughed.

She didn’t even punish him for the bad pun, too excited at the idea. “You mean, you’d be ready to talk about how it works behind the scenes?”

“Exactly. I thought that… I’m out of there. For real. They wouldn’t take me back, and I wouldn’t want it. Might as well tell people the truth about what’s going on. You heard how my father spoke about the people of the city at the pureblood ball; that was still relatively tame.”

“ _Tame?_ ” Lily asked, disgust clear on her face. “He called us impure. Feculance.”

Sirius smiled grimly. “Yeah, but he didn’t preach about how normal people should work for the purebloods, and be happy to be allowed to be their servants. Oh, sorry, did I say servants? I meant, of course, _slaves._ ”

Lily’s emerald eyes were wide with shock and horror, but Sirius could see it shifting quickly to furious determination. Another shade of green: blazing and fervent. “How do you want to do this?”

“Well, I thought I’d take advantage of this outstanding reporter I happen to know, let her ask me a few questions…”

Lily beamed at him. “I can just interview you? Ask you whatever?”

Her incredulous enthusiasm made Sirius laugh. “Honestly, I’d have no idea even where to begin. You probably know much better how to get the best out of it.”

“When can we start?”

“Lily, we’re both locked up in this house. As soon as you’re ready.”

She reached for her laptop, but he snatched it away before she could grab it.

“ – but not before we both had a good night’s sleep.” He glanced at the clock. “Well, half of a night, anyways.”

They decided not to tell anyone what they were doing, for now. Sirius was right when he said he didn’t know where to begin. There was too much to cover, and they spent hours trying to bring some form of order into it. They couldn’t work on it for longer periods of time, either, since Remus would have been alone during that time. Sometimes James kept him company, too, but mostly it was Sirius who took care of him. He wouldn’t want it any other way.

It could have been tiring, how every meal was an effort. It could have been boring to busy himself silently for hours on end while Remus lay motionless on the bed. It could have been frustrating, how nothing seemed to change or improve even after days. And perhaps it would be all of it, some day. But Sirius’s love provided him with an, as it felt, infinite well of patience and care for Remus. So he coaxed him to eat when he could, and went through two re three of Remus’s favourite books, and held him when he wanted it, and gave him space when he needed it.

After about a week in which Remus had barely stood up, Sirius was surprised to find him sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning on his arms as if he was about to stand up but couldn’t quite bring himself to it.

Sirius sat down beside him, bringing a hand up to push it through Remus’s hair. Remus leaned away.

“Not good right now?”

Remus seemed conflicted. “It’s greasy,” he muttered finally.

Sirius chuckled. “You wanna shower?”

“I should.”

“That’s not the question.”

Remus didn’t seem to believe him. “I’m filthy. I haven’t showered in ages.”

Sirius shrugged. “You’re allowed to be filthy, unless it makes you feel bad.”

He sighed. “It’s just so damn _exhausting._ ”

Sirius regarded him carefully. This was the most Remus had talked in days, and that made him happy. Also, he actually _wanted_ something. Wanted to do something, even if a shower seemed like an unconquerable and taxing task right now. Sirius wanted to help him with whatever made him feel better, but he wasn’t sure what to do here. What Remus needed. What was wished. Or allowed.

“Do you want me to do something?” he asked cautiously.

Remus slumped. “I’d have to take my shirt off,” he said quietly, not looking at him.

“Oh,” Sirius said. What did Remus want to hear? This could be a rejection of help right now, or a need for reassurance from Sirius that it was ok if he still didn’t want to show—or, Sirius thought and his heart clenched, he was still afraid Sirius might be turned away by what he saw.

“Rem, it’s ok if you don’t want me to see,” he ventured. “But you know that I’m here for you, yeah? Nothing will change that.”

Remus looked like he tried to make himself as small as possible, chin tugged to the chest so that Sirius wasn’t able to see his face. “They’re just… It wasn’t like with you. It was all me. And I didn’t even have a reason, really,” he murmured, and Sirius felt like someone had put another filter on the picture he saw of Remus when he understood that Remus was still ashamed. Ashamed because he had scars even though no one had hurt him, like Sirius’s parents had.

“Now, I don’t know where you got that crap from,” Sirius said, “but if you felt you needed to do whatever you did to cope, then of course you had a reason. And if your only reason is that you have depression, then that’s more than enough. It’s not your fault, Remus.”

Remus golden locks fell over his eyes, but his cheeks burned red underneath them. “Maybe I didn’t cope,” he whispered.

Again, someone switched the filter. The picture became clearer. “Then you just coped later. Otherwise you would have done it again and again, and would still be doing it,” Sirius told him. “And I’m unbelievably grateful that you became stronger at some point so that you can be here with me now.”

Remus nodded. “Okay,” he whispered. And then, “Help me shower?”

Too overwhelmed with love to form words, Sirius stood up and stretched out his hand. Remus took it and let Sirius pull him up.

Remus didn’t seem to have the strength to pull off his socks after he sat down in the bathroom, so Sirius helped him undress. He made Remus lift his arms up so that he could pull the sweater over his head, then his shirt. He didn’t really look, not stopping in his task. He only touched Remus’s forearm lightly, once, almost in passing, to show him that, yes, he had seen, and he had accepted. Otherwise Sirius ignored the white lines on his arms and another mark he believed to see on his torso, just as he ignored the tears on his cheeks.

While Remus showered, Sirius put the dirty clothes in the laundry and collected fresh, comfy ones. He also changed the bedsheets.

Remus stood there numbly with the towel around his shoulders until Sirius started to rub him down. Under Sirius’s guidance he found his way into his clothes and back into their bedroom, collapsing into the pillows.

Sirius rubbed small circles into his back, feeling Remus’s silent sobs under his hand. It had all been very much again. Stressful, and not only physically.

After who knows how long, Remus finally relaxed. Maybe he was just too exhausted to go on. Before he could fall asleep completely, Sirius pushed him gently off the covers to pull them out from under him. Remus slid so far beneath the blanket that even his face was half covered. Hiding from the world.

He stayed like that the entire next day, and Sirius wondered if he still felt vulnerable because Sirius had seen his scars. Keeping the balance between showing Remus he was still there for him and giving him space was like walking on a rope with his hands tied behind his back.

Sirius always wanted to run to Remus after the sessions with Madam Bones, which left him trembling and upset, but Remus mostly looked like he’d rather be on another world. So Sirius often went to his brother instead, and James calmed him down with good music and a mug of hot chocolate. It worked, but not as well as a hug from Remus would.

That is why, when one morning while Sirius was making coffee in the kitchen and Remus shuffled in, the sun suddenly seemed to light up the room. Maybe it had done that before, too, but Sirius hadn’t noticed.

Remus slung his arms around his torso as if he was cold, despite the thick fluffy socks he was wearing, and the oversized sweater of which the sleeves fell over his hands completely.

“Coffee?” Sirius chuckled.

Remus blinked his eyes sleepily. “Rather tea.”

“Sure,” Sirius hummed. “I’ll make you a cuppa. You can go sit in the living room, I’ll be right there.”

He almost laughed again when he found Remus huddled under a mountain of blankets on the couch. “Here’s your tea to warm up the cruel cold world.”

Remus sat up and took the cup. With a sideways glance at Sirius, he mumbled, “It would be warmer with some additional body heat.”

The coffee suddenly tasted a thousand times better than Sirius had anticipated. It reminded him of the first morning they had spent together. He eased himself behind Remus on the couch, his back against the armrest. They put on some documentary on the TV, but neither of them paid much attention to it. Sirius was caught up with playing with Remus’s hair, who dozed with his head on Sirius’s chest.

His coffee was long empty when Lily walked in, typing on her phone.

“Sirius, I think we should make the alliances and relations between the different families into a separate topic on its own. The short explanation yesterday just didn’t do it justice and –“

She stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed Remus cuddled against Sirius. “Oops.”

Sirius laughed. Remus looked too adorable how he peeked up at her from under multiple blankets.

Lily, too, tried to supress a grin. “Time to tell everyone, do you think?”

Sirius nodded. “It’s going great, and we’d have published the first part soon anyway.”

She hummed in agreement and turned back towards the door. “I’m gonna get the others.”

Remus lay back down, and they enjoyed the silence with each other while they waited. Soon Lily returned with James and his parents.

Fleamont made a detour to the kitchen. “Coffee!” They heard him exclaim happily.

“Yes, please!” Two voices answered. Fleamont groaned, but came back carrying three mugs. He gave one to his wife and one to his son before he sipped on his own and looked at Lily expectantly.

“I understand there’s something you have to tell us?”

“It was Sirius’s idea, actually,” she said.

Euphemia choked on her coffee. “Oh no.”

“Hey!”

Lily laughed. “It’s a good idea, I swear. We’ve been working on something.”

“You don’t say,” James said dryly. “And here I was thinking you locked yourselves into the study every day just for fun.”

Sirius wanted to swat James on the arm, but he was too far away and Remus lay on top of him.

“We needed the quietness for recording,” Lily explained.

“And what have you been recording?” Euphemia asked, sitting down in one of the armchairs.

“Everything I know about behind-the-scenes city politics,” Sirius deadpanned. The steam of the coffee cups was louder than the shocked silence that filled the room. “How almost none of it is the democracy they claim to be. The corruption and power trades between individual families. How they think about other people. How decisions are only made in favour of the citizens when someone up high can get a personal gain out of it.” He looked at each of them in turn, gaze hard and defiant. “They can’t get any angrier at me than they already are. And it’s long overdue that the people learn exactly how fucked up their government really is.”

James was the first to find his voice again. “You’re like a spy, Padfoot!” he shouted ecstatically. “Spending years infiltrating the organisation and then spilling all their secrets. It’s brilliant.”

“Wow, Sirius,” Euphemia said, in awe. “That’s brave, and something only you could do. It would never have been possible for us. We always kept at a distance mostly, but you were right in the middle.”

Fleamont grinned. “They’ll go up the walls, of course, but it could do great good. I’m proud of you, son.”

Usually this would have made Sirius beam, but he only had eyes for the way the corner of Remus’s mouth slowly pulled up. It was the first time he had smiled since—since the evening before he’d seen Sirius’s scars and his name was found out. The sun bathed the living room in golden light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always love some positive Sirius-Lily friendship, what about you? Thanks for reading this, I hope you enjoy :)


	10. A very Moony past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for depression, with mentions of self-harm and suicide. As you can guess from the chapter title, they're going through some issues here. But there will also be... comforting (*cough cough* ;) )

James cleared his throat. “I guess this is a good time to tell you what I’ve been working on, too, then.”

“Oh, have you infiltrated the government as well?” Sirius asked innocently. James had no one lying on top of him and could thus easily step closer and box Sirius’s shoulder. Unfair.

“No, you twat. I’ve been mostly doing research. Scouting out possibilities. Observing the atmosphere and chatting with an awful number of people.”

“That doesn’t tell us much, darling,” his mother pointed out.

“Out with it, Prongs.”

“Yeah, yeah, ok. Look: Yes, people are obsessed with you two. They only have those photos, and they’re going bonkers.”

“They should care about their own damn business,” Sirius growled. Remus pressed harder into his chest.

James, though, shook his head. “No, you don’t understand. This isn’t necessarily bad. Sure, some are homophobic shits, but do you know how many queer people there are in a city like London? And allies?”

Lily caught on quickly. “You mean they have supporters?”

“I mean they could. There’s been a wave of pride and enthusiasm when the photos have been released, of course lost in the rest of the media, but it’s dying down. The both of you have just vanished. People are starting to wonder if you’re ashamed of it, or Remus was just an experiment – “

Sirius started protesting. “I would never – “

“I know,” James said quickly, “but with you two off the radar since the ball, it certainly looks like it. Look, I don’t want to pressure you into anything you’re not comfortable with, but more people than you’d expect would have your backs—if you show them sincerity and that you’re not backing down.”

Sirius glanced down at the golden mop of hair his fingers were buried in, and the tip of the nose he could see. He, personally, had been in the spotlight all his life, and he couldn’t make matters much worse in terms of popularity right now. It was really Remus’s decision.

“We’ll think about it,” he said.

James nodded. “Come to me when you’ve decided anything. You don’t have to go all out, either. One interview. A few statements on social media. Whatever you’re ready to. Just let me know.”

The others set out to make breakfast, but Remus tugged at Sirius’s sleeve. Turning to his boyfriend, Sirius could see that he wasn’t ready to eat with the family.

“Upstairs?” he asked quietly. Remus nodded.

Sirius pressed his hand. “I’ll get us something.”

They ate cross-legged on the floor in their room, Remus even more than half of his plate. “For not knowing me longer than two months, you have a surprisingly good feeling for what I like,” he said when he was done.

Sirius smiled through a full mouth. “Anything with chocolate?” he guessed when he had swallowed.

The second smile on Remus’s lips today. “A good starting point,” he admitted.

Sirius nodded in satisfaction. “From there on it was only a matter of watching out what stayed on your plate and what didn’t,” he explained.

Remus looked away, ashamed.

“How often do I have to tell you it’s not your fault before you believe it?”

“Until you’ve said it more times than I heard it is?” Remus muttered. “Though Lily might have already completed a big part of that.”

Food suddenly didn’t seem important anymore. “Who told you that?”

Remus picked at his sleeve. “Besides some other kids and one teacher, my father, mostly.” He looked up at Sirius, almost guiltily. “I love him, I really do. He’s gotten better. But in the beginning, when I was young, he wasn’t very understanding.”

“What did he say?”

“It started very early for me. Most people with chronic depression notice it as a teenager the first time. I was only five. My parents just thought I was a shy but moody child that made an unnecessary drama out of everything.” His mouth twisted in a grimace. “Don’t know what they complained about. I was so much easier than other kids. Quiet, in my room, didn’t go out much.”

“Easy, maybe. But that’s no childhood.”

Remus’s gave him a lop-sided smile that wasn’t really happy. “Don’t tell me yours was better.”

“Not until I met James, no,” Sirius admitted.

Remus nodded in some kind of grim satisfaction. “But you were restricted by your parents. Whereas I… could have been happy. We never had more than we needed to get by, but it was enough for me to grow up undisturbed. My father had worked hard for that. I guess he had the idea that I was ungrateful or something. He didn’t understand that it didn’t have anything to do with outward circumstances. Told me to pull myself together, that I shouldn’t make such a big deal out of it.”

“Oh, Remus,” Sirius breathed.

Remus continued speaking. It seemed that, now that he had begun unpacking everything, he couldn’t keep it in. “Others weren’t better, but they didn’t mean as much as my father to me. Still, teachers should support and help children, not tell them to stop brooding.” Sirius wondered if that was one reason he had chosen this job, but he didn’t interrupt. “The other kids thought I was weird, of course.” He laughed bitterly. “You can’t put one kid who is a little different within a group without some of them rooting against him. And the rest will pick the stronger side.”

“You were… bullied?”

Remus shrugged with one shoulder. “It wasn’t often, and not as bad as what was going on inside of me. I never reacted to anything, so they got bored quickly. Most of the times they were just gossiping about the strange boy who never played or laughed and always had kind of a dark mood. At some point in my teens people started calling me Moony because of that. The name stuck, especially since most of them didn’t know my name. I talked too rarely, and missed school too often.”

“Moony.” Sirius tasted the name on his tongue. “It fits, you know. Just not for the reason they thought.”

“Oh yeah?”

He nodded. “The moon isn’t dark, even though everything around it is. The moon is shining.”

Remus stared at him as if Sirius had just falsified his every belief. He wanted to say something, swallowed it, and said instead: “Thank you. Thank you, Sirius.”

Sirius scooted over and pulled Remus against his side, putting an arm around him. "Anything for you, Moons.”

Remus watched Sirius’s hand stroking up and down, shoulder to wrist. Carefully, he twisted his arm so that Sirius’s fingers ended up on the inside of his forearm.

“My mom regularly had to put up a fight to get me to eat,” he said quietly, only possible for Sirius to hear because they were so close. “But I was nine when it became too much. That was the first time my parents understood there was really something wrong, when mom found me with dad’s razor blade and blood on my arms. They asked me why I had done it. I couldn’t explain. I still can’t.” Sirius tentatively explored the new area Remus had entrusted him with, knowing what hid under fabric. “I didn’t get meds back then—maybe I was too young, and they thought I would grow out of it. Two years later I stopped eating altogether. That’s when I had to stay longer in the hospital for the first time. They got my weight up again, but the cause didn’t get looked at. Only a phase, they told my parents.” He scoffed. “They were right, but it was one of many phases. It was ok for a while, I think. I don’t remember much of that time. Most of my childhood is a blur, really. But then when I was thirteen or fourteen, I was driven to the hospital because I had almost killed myself. “He pulled up his sleeve and guided Sirius’s finger down a long line that ran across his wrist and down his arm. “I can’t even tell whether it was intentional, but I don’t think I would have minded much. Afterwards I got my meds. They made it better in the sense that I wasn’t halfway drowning all the time anymore, but the episodes never went away. I got a lot more scars before years of therapy got a grip on it.”

Sirius didn’t ask out loud, but his hand travelled to Remus’s belly, in the area where he had seen the larger scar.

“That’s from an operation. It could have been a simple accident without too many consequences, but I was seriously underweight at the time. It caused damage at internal organs. They operated on me for five hours straight and weren’t sure I’d pull through. The man who was responsible paid for the hospital expenses, at least. Greyback was his name, I learned later. He didn’t seem terribly sorry.”

“Bastard. You shouldn’t have had to deal with that on top of everything else you were going through.”

“Didn’t have a choice.”

“Yeah,” Sirius said, as careful as if he tip-toed into a room he wasn’t sure he was supposed to be in. “It’s part of you now. I’d like to learn how to live with it all.”

Remus laughed weakly. “You’d be the second one. Lily was the first person ever who was determined to figure out how to handle me, and when she puts her mind to something you can’t stop her.”

Sirius hummed in agreement. “You should have seen her when I first proposed the interviews. It was in the middle of the night, and she wanted to get to work immediately.”

He nodded, his own fingers gliding over the back of Sirius’s hand, and Sirius could tell he was thinking about something. He was proven right when Remus burst out soon later: “I want to do it.”

Sirius furrowed his brows. “Do what?”

He fiddled nervously with his sleeve, but his voice was firm. “What James said. If you’re ok with it, I’d like to go public with our relationship.”

A grin slowly but inexorably etched its way onto Sirius’s face. “You sure?”

Remus nodded. “Not only for us, even though we clearly need every support we can get. London is less progressive than I originally thought.”

“It’s different in my case,” Sirius said. “Public figure, very traditional family, until recently high status, you know.”

“But that’s exactly it,” Remus argued. “Even though your parents may be more pleased with Regulus, you were far more popular than him. A lot of people looked up to you, wanted to be you. And those who… hoped, when the pictures were shown, feel left down now. Don’t you see the impact it could have? The most traditional family there is, and still you were gay.”

“I see it,” Sirius assured him. “But even with that impact I wouldn’t do it if it made you uncomfortable.”

He shook his head. “I’m fine with it. This way we can at least control what comes out, and aren’t photographed secretly whenever someone recognizes us in public.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that. If we make public statements there will definitely be reporters and other people who follow us.”

“For a while, yeah,” Remus shrugged. “But that means they’ll at least get used to seeing me kissing you in public.” He smirked mischievously.

Sirius had to look away. His entire body prickled.

“You’re still blushing,” Remus laughed.

“I haven’t gotten a kiss in a very long time,” he defended himself.

Suddenly he was pushed down onto his back. Remus had his hands next to his shoulders, Sirius’s hips bracketed between his knees. He looked down at him lovingly. “Sorry about that.” His eyes grazed over Sirius’s brows, cheeks, neck, lips, before finding his eyes again. “Do you think I can redeem myself?”

Sirius swallowed, completely overwhelmed already. With Remus, it was enough if he looked at Sirius the right way. As much as he enjoyed seeing Remus take control of something (especially him) again, he wouldn’t make it so easy. “Only if it makes you feel better,” he grinned.

Remus laughed into the crook of his neck, and the warm breath on his skin sent a wave of intoxicating, dizzying heat through Sirius’s body. The plan to not give himself over completley just yet backlashed when Remus answered, barely a breath against his ear: “I can think of a number of things I could do right now to feel better.”

Sirius’s breath caught, and Remus chuckled. Fuck.

He was gone for a short moment, then Sirius heard the key turn in the lock of the door and Remus was back at his side again. His hand trailed up Sirius’s chest. “What’s bothering me most right now is the thing about the kiss,” he mused. “Let’s change that, shall we?”

Sirius didn’t need to be told that twice. He rolled onto his side, put one hand on the back of Remus’s neck and pulled him in. Remus’s hand found its way into Sirius’s hair, messing it up softly while their lips met and grabbing tightly when a tongue wound into his mouth.

“Jesus, Pads, I don’t know how you survived the last week if you’ve been that desperate,” he said, breathing heavily once they pulled apart.

Sirius smiled sheepishly. He probably _had_ kissed Remus like a dying man right now. “Taking care of you was also good, for a change.”

“I think it’s time we switched it up again,” Remus said while he pulled Sirius on his lap. “Let me take care of you now.”

“Don’t exert yourself,” Sirius smiled.

“Oh, I planned to do just that,” he said lightly and let his fingers play under Sirius’s shirt. Knocked out again. Might as well give up. Remus would always win.

Sirius closed his eyes, lost in the sensation, and rolled his hips slowly against Remus’s. It sent another wave of heat through his body that escaped in a small moan. Remus pulled him close, kissing his earlobe, and lifted him up. Sirius got laid down on the bed carefully. He opened his eyes to see Remus take his sweater off. Before he could continue with the shirt, Sirius sat up and stopped him.

“Don’t overwhelm me,” he whispered and began to explore every piece of skin that was visible so far. The face, the jaw, the neck, and the collarbones, all the places he already knew. “Though it’s probably too late for that.” He hadn’t gotten a good look at the hands yet. Long, thin fingers with rough skin. His ring finger was slightly longer than his index finger. Arriving at the wrist, Sirius met soft fabric. He looked up at Remus, who was staring at him in—wonder?—and laid his fingers on the inside of Remus’s wrist, like when he had said goodbye the first time they met, or announced his presence the second time, or held him back in front of the café. On the inside of Remus’s wrist, where, as he could now see, thin white lines streaked the skin.

“I didn’t even know,” he said.

“Somehow, you did.”

Sirius nodded and took off his own shirt. “So that you have something to do. I’ll take a while.” And with that, he pulled off Remus’s shirt too, and let himself really look for the first time.

He was skinny, there was no denying it. That happened when eating was a constant struggle. But there was just enough muscle to be graceful, too. Maybe it had something to do with being a dancer. Sirius didn’t like that he could see every one of Remus’s ribs clearly, though. That was dangerously far from healthy.

His hand travelled up the arms, taking note of every mark and line there was. There were a lot, especially on the inside. Some on his biceps, too. The collarbones stood out, and Sirius traced both of them before moving on to his chest. Remus gasped when he circled the nipples and let his thumb brush over one. He’d have to remember that. For now, the scar from the operation got his attention. It sat right below his ribcage. A wicked gash. Sirius stroked across it in short lines, as if to close and heal it.

He leaned forward to let his hands travel over Remus’s back at least once, to have visited every plain and hill on his body. For the first time, two naked chests met. It was warm, it was close, it was deeply personal for both of them, it was amazing.

Sirius was surprised by his own trust when he noticed that he hadn’t even thought about Remus’s hands on his body, on his scars. It felt natural. He laid both hands on Remus’s chest, feeling the heartbeat under his right one, and kissed him again.

Everything was slow, sensual, and full of emotion. Remus’s moan when Sirius stroked his dick, Sirius’s whimper when Remus’s tongue trailed down his back and lower and lower until— _oh_ , and how he pulled Sirius close against him when he came, buried deep inside of him.

The sun climbed across the sky, illuminating both of their sleeping forms. It had already overcome its highest point when someone knocked. They were still dozing—well, Remus was dozing, Sirius was watching Remus doze, exploring with his fingers Remus’s neck, and shoulders, and collarbones, and jaw, and the bridge of his nose, circling his ears, and stroking across his eyebrows, and marvelling at how soft the skin of his closed eyelids was.

“Guys, mum’s made tea and biscuits!” James called. “There’s also some lunch left if you’re really hungry.”

“Thanks, Prongs!” Sirius answered, and he vanished again.

Remus yawned and stretched.

“You ready for a meal with the others?” Sirius asked, watching him.

“I thought I just ate,” Remus smirked.

Sirius blushed. The feeling of Remus’s tongue on and in different places of his body was all too present. He hit him with a pillow. “Don’t you dare make these comments in public!”

“As long as no one else hears it…” he said, feigning innocence.

Sirius was definitely too flustered. It had only been a dirty comment. “ _I’ll_ hear it!”

“Well, then you have to pull yourself together,” Remus said while he put on his trousers.

“You – I – I _can’t!_ ”

“That’s the fun of it, isn’t it?”

Sirius cursed, but followed Remus’s example of putting on clothes—he stole Remus’s sweater though, as revenge—and they went downstairs.

Lily positively beamed when she saw them talking and bickering and laughing, and the Potters seemed all the brighter for it, too. That made Sirius happy again, which made him think of better jokes to get Remus to laugh, and the devil’s circle of shared and mutually reinforced happiness was closed.

Tea with the Potters made for a pleasant afternoon. Euphemia’s biscuits were worth to serve in heaven, and Remus emptied a whole mug of hot chocolate. It was progress. James, just like Lily, jumped up and wanted to start immediately when Sirius and Remus told him they decided to go public, but Fleamont made him stay at the table until everyone was finished. Afterwards, though, and with a final nod from Remus as consent, he pulled them into his room to prepare a statement to the world.


	11. Going live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for mentions of homophobia and, like always, gruesome family stuff with Sirius. It's really mild this time, though. I just noticed when reading through it again that this chapter is almost pure fluff. So in case you're having a bad day... enjoy

James’s room was messy, but not in the way you would expect from a young man, still almost a teenager. There were no clothes strewn on the ground, no muffy air, no dirty dishes or wrappers of chocolate bars. Maybe it had something to do with Lily housing here, maybe not. Lily’s presence, though, accounted for the notes spread out on the floor of half the room. The other half was covered with James’s work. It was a mystery how they could find anything at all.

James, though, picked out determinedly one notebook from under a pile of others. Sirius and Remus stalked carefully through the papers to where he was standing.

“Have you got anything specific in mind?” James asked, flipping through the notebook. “You can write a post, or go one step further and take a photo, or go two steps further and make a video.”

“Ten years and you still underestimate me, Prongs,” Sirius said and took out his smartphone. “I want to go live.”

James blinked, surprise, before a grin broke out on his face. “I have the privilege of having a best friend who’s even crazier than me. I should have known. Why would the bloke who spontaneously came out at a party to his entire larger family and about a hundred reporters do anything less than improvise?”

Sirius high-fived him. While James prepared the live stream, he turned to Remus, cocky excitement suddenly replaced by soft consideration. “I know I’m a bit much sometimes,” he said. “You don’t have to join.”

It floored Remus how he could switch so quickly from reckless, confident rebel, who wasn’t the tiniest bit nervous at speaking live to thousands of people, to sweet and caring boyfriend. Maybe he was just both things at once, though it was a miracle for Remus how these worlds could exist in one person at the same time. He couldn’t keep himself from kissing Sirius lightly on the lips in this moment, too grateful to express it in words. “Maybe another time,” he mumbled when he let go.

James had stopped clicking on his laptop and was filming them.

“Hey!”

“Sorry, sorry! I won’t do anything with it, but you two were just too sweet. If you act like that on camera, there’ll be no one left to doubt you.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “For now it will just be me on camera. Can we start already?”

“What do you want to say?”

“Dunno, I’ll think of something.”

“Well, you can’t start like that.” They turned around. Lily had entered.

“Why not?” James asked. “Padfoot has spoken a thousand times on camera for reporters, he’ll handle it.”

She shook her head. “It’s not about what he’s going to say, it’s about making the video.”

“What do you mean?”

With one eyebrow raised, Lily said, “The way you’re standing right now, James’s unmade bed and his football posters will be in the background. You may not be almost royalty anymore, but try to keep a little respectability, yes?”

“Good point,” James said. “Though I will not hear anything against my football posters. They’re worthy of royalty.”

Remus had looked around in the meanwhile. “What about over there?” he asked, pointing to a pin board that James had obviously filled while he was doing ‘research’. There were newspaper cuttings of previous coming-out stories of celebrities, notes on LGBTQ activities and organisations in London, statistics on queer people in the population, and printed-out social media comments on Sirius and him at the solstice ball, along with the photos.

Sirius walked over and inspected it thoroughly before he turned abruptly to James. “Have I told you lately that I couldn’t have a better best friend?”

James smiled. “It’s what friends do.”

“Not every friend would have put that much work into it,” Lily said, reluctantly impressed. “It’s perfect for the video. Ready?”

Sirius nodded, and they arranged it so that the livestream would run on multiple platforms at once. James had shot out posts already that something was about to happen, and people were waiting. Sirius seemed completely relaxed. He gestured for James to begin, his trademark charming smile on his lips. Remus wondered if this was the first time it was genuine, because it looked a thousand times better this way.

“Hey everyone. That is, not everyone: I’ll exclude my larger family, and all the people who hate me already because of the photos. You may leave immediately. This is for everyone who felt… let down. I’ve been kind of absent since the solstice ball, and I’m sorry for that. You didn’t deserve it. We just had to figure out some stuff for ourselves.” He ran a hand through his long hair, pushing it out of his face, and looked so casually handsome while he did it that a lot of girls—and a few boys—would keep watching just because of that. Sirius smiled at the camera. “But I haven’t been inactive! I’ve got some surprises for you all. Firstly a statement. It’s kind of obvious, but I thought I’d make it clear: I’m gay. I have a boyfriend.” He grinned at the word, spoken aloud for the first time. “The coming out at the ball wasn’t planned at all, hence the flight.” His eyes flicked over the incoming comments, and his brows drew together. “Why running and hiding? No, I’m not ashamed of anything. But, as you might guess, my parents aren’t exactly supportive. Quite the opposite.” He read a few more and shook his head. “I won’t go into detail on that. To everyone who is saying right now that I overreacted, or that I did it for attention: You have no idea what you’re talking about and probably no experience with it yourself. There are a lot of queer kids out there who could tell you one or two things about how it feels.” Remus’s chest filled with warm pride at the way Sirius could handle these comments, and talking about his family. “But that’s not the point of this video. We decided to reach out to assure you we’re not going to vanish because some people don’t like us, and we’re not going to give in when they tell us to stop.” His eyes fixed on Remus behind the camera, and Remus’s heart fluttered when he said: “I love Remus, and I’m not going to hide that fact. We won’t hide again. You’ll hear a lot more of us soon. Which reminds me: I’ve been working with Lily Evans, an incredible journalist and friend, on a larger project.” His tone turned dark, and the silver eyes were filled with storm clouds. “We’ll be able to publish soon. Be ready for some shocking insights in how exactly your government works. I’ve been in those circles all my life and I have some stories to tell. This is not about blackmailing anyone there, or getting revenge, but about doing the right thing.”

James, who had followed the comments, held up a piece of paper for him that read “Proof?”

Sirius frowned for a moment before he understood. “Of course you’ll get proof. Lily is a respectable journalist who won’t just write everything I say without checking the facts.” Another pause. “No, Remus will not be coming on camera today.” Suddenly his eyes widened and he looked down at his chest and stretched out his arms in front of him in shock. James was trying to stifle his laughter in a blanket. Remus had a look at the last comments and smirked.

_‘is that Remus’s sweater you’re wearing?’_

_‘omg it must be, the sleeves are half a meter too long’_

_‘and it’s not his usual style at all’_

_‘you guys are so cuuuuteee’_

He had noticed the outfit when Sirius went live, but decided to say nothing. He loved him in his sweater. The people were right: He looked super cute in it.

The usually sharply-dressed pureblood son or leather jacket-wearing bad boy was blushing adorably. “I… uh… yeah, I didn’t notice…”

People were freaking out. Edits and screenshots of this would be all over the internet in a few minutes. Flirty, sassy Sirius Black fumbled with his words when he was wearing his boyfriend’s sweater.

“So… I suppose that’s all for today. See you soon. Thanks for listening to what I have to say.” He gave a last smile and fled out of the picture, leaving only the wall behind him.

Due to James’s unavailability because of uncontrollable laughter, Lily did the honours of shutting everything off. She, too, was grinning. Sirius stumbled over to Remus, covering his face with his hands, over which the too-long sleeves of the sweater had fallen. Remus laughed and received him in his arms.

“You ruined my reputation,” Sirius groaned.

“It was your choice to steal it.”

“Only as payback for your inappropriate remarks!”

Remus smirked. “You saw what you get from that.” James, luckily, was too distracted to take note of their conversation. He had pulled himself together enough to oversee the aftermath of the livestream, though he was still chuckling now and then. Lily was too polite to show she was listening, but she had trouble hiding her grin.

“Besides,” Remus said in a low voice as he led Sirius out of the room, “You in my clothes could never be punishment.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss below his earlobe. “I love you too.”

Everything was peaceful and quiet when Remus woke up the next morning. They had been awake—very awake—already an hour or so ago, but he had nodded off again. Sirius had apparently stood up already. Remus’s eyes shifted around the small room, and he wondered what it was that made him feel so at ease here. Not only up here, but in the entire Potter household. Perhaps it was because they were Sirius’s family. Perhaps having Lily here helped; they’d been living under the same roof for over a year now. Maybe the Potters were just incredible people who could make anyone feel welcome.

Remus was happy. Everything was peaceful and quiet. That is, until Sirius burst through the door.

“How is it,” he said, breathing heavily, “that your post—your _two sentence post,_ that you typed when you were _already half asleep_ —has more retweets than I had _viewers on my livestream?_ ”

Remus yawned through a grin and stretched. When he opened his eyes again, Sirius was staring at his naked chest, mouth standing half open. He tore his eyes away with visible effort and groaned.

“No! You’re not allowed to do that! It’s unfair. You owe me an explanation first.” He held out his phone accusingly.

Remus smirked, loving how obviously Sirius liked him, but sat up to have a look at the numbers. He wasn’t ready to go on camera yet, but he had always been good with words. Posting on twitter could be just as funny, and was more inside his comfort zone.

Apparently, the public liked what he had to say. It wasn’t even anything relevant. Either they were just pouncing on any news they could get on #wolfstar—a play on the meaning of their names that had quickly become popular—or they actually enjoyed Remus’s humour. The numbers spoke for themselves. The amount of likes he had gotten was ridiculous, but even the retweets far outnumbered Sirius’s audience. The general internet user had a weird taste.

“I don’t know, Pads,” Remus shrugged. “Your livestream was a bit on short notice. I’m sure there would’ve been more people watching if you had announced it earlier.”

Sirius hit him with a pillow. “Now you’re just trying to make me feel better,” he accused. “Celebrate your victory of this round, Moons, just tell me how the fuck you did it. Your account was practically dead before.”

“Wouldn’t I be spoiling my advantage if I told you?” Remus laughed.

“We’re supposed to be playing on the same team!”

“Ok, ok,” he subsided and started dressing for the day. “Your whole speech was about that we were indeed a couple and that we’d be more open from now on. I did the same thing, just showing instead of telling.”

“With a – with a comment about how I sing while I’m _brushing my teeth?_ ”

“The bit about frequently spilling some toothpaste because of that is an important part.”

“People shouldn’t find it as funny as they do.”

Remus smiled smugly.

Breakfast was interrupted by a ringing of the doorbell. James went to open and the others were surprised to hear him exclaim, “Andromeda! What are you doing here?”

Sirius jumped up immediately. Remus didn’t know exactly who Andromeda was, just that she was somehow related to Sirius, but he didn’t seem upset. Remus sauntered after him into the hall.

“Congratulating you on an epic video,” she was just saying, before seeing Sirius. “Hey cuz! Quite a shocking re-entrance you made there.”

Sirius grinned and hugged her. Remus was glad to see he had at least one positive bond in his family.

“Do you want to come in?” James asked. “We’re just eating breakfast, and there’s always a free seat at the table.”

“Gladly. There are some things I have to tell you, might as well do it with your mum’s home-made jam in reach.”

It was clear that she was on good terms with the Potters; friendly with James and polite towards his parents. To Sirius she behaved like his sister. Another black Black sheep, then—a white sheep?

When everyone was introduced and settled, Sirius asked: “Now what’s the news?”

“Oh, well, as you can imagine your video caused a beautiful uproar yesterday. I think your father refused to watch it—by the way, this is delicious, Mrs. Potter—and Walburga was screaming and almost ripping her hair out the entire time.”

“Oh God, not her hair,” Sirius grumbled and the rest of the table burst into laughter.

“Yeah, I was glad I wasn’t there,” Andromeda grinned. “Though I haven’t heard much of them for the past week or so. My guess is that no one is allowed to talk to me if they don’t want to be disowned, too. Narcissa does it anyway; she’s kind of my last link to what’s going on.”

Everyone stopped eating in shock.

“Andy, what did you do?” Sirius asked.

She shook her head and grimaced. “Your rather dramatic falling out with the family finally gave me the balls to do it, too. You’ve always been braver, or should I say, more reckless. So now…” She wriggled the fingers of her left hand. A delicate, woven band of gold gleamed on the ring finger. “My family learned about my ‘normal’ boyfriend of the past seven years. He proposed last month, and I decided enough was enough.”

They gaped, too astounded to react, until Lily shrieked and, despite not knowing Andromeda that well, danced around the table to hug and congratulate her. Andy laughed and thanked her.

It ripped everyone else out of their paralysis. Fleamont grinned and shook his head over this unapologetic, determined girl that was now an engaged young woman; Euphemia had tears in her eyes and demanded to be introduced to said fiancé; James was patting Andromeda’s shoulder proudly; and a huge grin slowly crept onto Sirius’s face.

Remus gave his congratulations, and over the rest of the meal Andromeda was telling them about how she’d kept her relationship a secret for seven years because she knew her parents wouldn’t approve, how they had kicked her out when she told them, but it was alright because she had been practically living with Ted for some time now.

“They don’t make you trouble?” Sirius asked, voice mixed with concern and wonder.

She scoffed. “They would if they could, but I can look after myself. Which reminds me, I’m terribly glad that you Mr. and Mrs. Potter were so kind to take you in”—she nodded to them gratefully—“but I should tell you from Alphard that if you need anything—money, housing, protection, advice—you can go to him, too. He has already officially rooted for you at the last family crisis meeting, so there’s no need to keep up appearances.”

“Thank you,” Sirius said, and then, with a satisfied smirk: “They’re having family crisis meetings over me?”

Andy laughed. “Sure. At first it was only your mother threatening everyone not to talk to you. Since your announcement of opening up about what’s really going on, they’ve been freaking out. Fantastic idea, by the way. I’d be glad to contribute.”

“That’d be marvellous.” Lily said.

Andromeda nodded happily at her before turning to Sirius again. “Anyways, you might want to prepare yourself for offered bribes or blackmail because of this.”

“It’s too late for preparing,” he said and poured himself another cup of tea, “since it has already happened.”

Remus frowned. “You haven’t told me about this.”

“In my defence, you haven’t been awake for very long.”

Remus smirked. “True, but still you prioritised the number of likes on my post over this.”

“One of that was mine,” Andy piped up. “Genius.”

“Traitor!” Sirius gasped.

“Yeah, me too,” James said. “He’s been doing that thing when brushing his teeth since we were kids.”

Sirius faked to faint. “My brother, too!”

“Oh, my,” Fleamont said with a glint in his eye. “I’m not going to add to his distress right now. It really seems to trouble him.”

Euphemia and Lily chuckled.

Sirius’s mood didn’t improve when Remus’s second post was just as successful as the first one. It got more attention than the ongoing discussion about what Sirius said in the livestream.

He decided to retaliate immediately, but actually followed the advice of announcing the upcoming livestream in advance. The hours before he could begin were killing him. Remus had fun watching him strolling restlessly around the house while Remus himself was snuggled up in an armchair with a book. That is, until a look of mischievousness crossed Sirius face and he settled in the couch next to him, suddenly calm. Not calm like, relaxed, but calm like a predator lurking before he pounced. Remus was suspicious. He couldn’t do anything, though, so he returned warily to his book.

When he was just sinking into the story once again, he caught a movement out of the corner of his eyes and then Sirius was cackling madly. He had his phone in his hand and typed on it excitedly. Remus’s phone pinged with a notification.

He narrowed his eyes. “What did you do, Padfoot?”

Sirius put his phone away and looked at him with wide, innocent eyes. “Nothing, Moonbeam. Just taking your advice to heart, is all.”

Dreading what he would find, Remus checked the notification. A twitter post from Sirius. Reactions were already coming in.

Sirius had indeed taken ‘show, not tell’ to heart. He hadn’t used a single word. He hadn’t needed to. The domestic atmosphere in the photo of Remus curled up in the armchair, a steaming cup of tea in his hands and a blanket over him, lost in a book, communicated effortlessly everything he had claimed. Remus’s head was bowed so that his hair and the book were hiding most of his face, but he was clearly recognisable as the man Sirius Black had danced with.

Remus wanted to at least play to be mad at Sirius, but he couldn’t. The picture was too perfect.

However, he didn’t need to strain himself to get his revenge. It was already happening for him. Remus smirked. “You might want to have a look at the comments,” he said while he shut his phone off and returned to his book.

Poor Sirius, confused, did what he was told and received the second shock for the day. “How _dare_ they?” He scrolled down, and Remus smiled contentedly to himself. He knew that Sirius was seeing lots along the lines of _‘adorable’_ , _‘cutie’_ , _‘boyfriend material’_ , _‘so soft’_ , _‘quiet bookworm, I love him’_ , and even _‘just as handsome as his boyfriend, but cuter’_ , and _‘Remus Lupin, new National Celebrity Crush™’._

He couldn’t say he had anticipated this. His dating life had improved when Lily had come around to get him out of the house, but he had never thought of himself—even when ignoring the damaged parts—as a looker, or especially handsome, or cute. Rather average, really.

Sirius was pouting as he skimmed over the comments (Remus wanted to check whether that lip was as soft and kissable as it looked, but he was awfully far away). With time, though, he also looked pensive, and when he put his phone away Sirius said, “Well, it’s not like I can really blame them.” Finally he crossed the distance between them—and came a little closer than strictly necessary. He cupped Remus’s cheek, perching himself on the armrest. “It’s all true, what they say. You are adorable, and you look unbelievably cute like this.” His fingers stroked through Remus’s hair—“so soft”—and he came closer still, crowding into Remus’s space, breathing the same air. “And definitely boyfriend material.”

Sirius’s lips pressed onto his, and it was tender and caring and sweeter than chocolate. Remus wanted to melt right into the cushions. Sirius slid down from the armrest, in his lap, hand pushing through Remus’s curls until they had to pull apart.

“You should get ready for the livestream,” Remus said, slightly out of breath.

“I still have a little time.” Sirius started pressing open-mouthed kisses to his neck.

Remus closed his eyes and gripped into the flesh of Sirius’s thighs. “Yeah, but if you continue now I’m not letting you go.”

“Don’t make it sound so tempting.”

Just in that moment, James called from the top of the stairs. “Pads, you coming? We’re almost ready.”

Sirius slumped and laughed into Remus’s shoulder. “Duty’s calling.”

“That’s usually not reason enough to get you into action.”

“True, but this is for us.”

Remus hummed in acknowledgement and appreciation, tracing Sirius’s neckline. Goosebumps broke out under his fingers. “Should I come upstairs with you or would that be distracting?”

“Distracting, maybe,” Sirius huffed and leaned in for another kiss. “Motivating, definitely.”


	12. Unexpected hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for emotional baggage and mentions/recountings of child abuse.
> 
> We're approaching the end, so prepare for some action! I won't say any more than that. Enjoy

With the notification beforehand, there were even more people watching than the last time. They didn’t get a flustered-Sirius performance again, though, because he had paid attention to what he was wearing today. Characteristically Sirius-Black leather jacket over a white shirt, hair pulled up into a man bun. Remus hoped the people actually listened to what Sirius was saying, because he couldn’t. His mind drifting too often from the actual words to ‘arms, shoulders, eyes, smile, pretty’. But he could say with confidence that Sirius looked sincere and passionate while speaking.

Sirius loved what he did so much that he started making videos, too, besides the livestreams. He had more time now that Lily had enough material from him to finish the first part of their project by herself. Sometimes his videos were funny or pointless rambles about his day, often about things Remus had said and done, but often he explained political shenanigans, or transformed portions of his and Lily’s work into animation videos for better understanding. Remus learned that Sirius had been drawing since he was a child. His sketches for the animation were just enough to hint at a bigger talent, but he refused to show Remus his real drawings.

Remus loved watching him sink into this work, so completely focused that everything around him didn’t seem to exist anymore. He lost himself so deeply in it that sometimes he forgot to eat, or blinked in surprise when Remus told him he had been working for the last seven hours, having thought it had been only two or three. As much as Remus enjoyed seeing him being passionate about something, he was also worried. Worried that Sirius used this to compensate some kind of guilt or insecurity; that he felt if he worked a little longer, finished one more video, got one step closer to make everyone see the truth about his family, then he would be enough.

It was manageable, until the message from Madam Bones reached them that her team felt confident they had gathered enough evidence, and had initiated a court hearing. It came as a surprise, since she had left the last meeting expressing concern whether Sirius’s and Andromeda’s statements would be enough against the Blacks. Soon later the message arrived that Orion and Walburga had agreed to the session three weeks from now, along with a formal invitation.

From then on, Sirius buried himself in his work. If he had been passionate before, now he was obsessed. He had to be pried away from the computer to eat; he came to bed long after Remus did, and only after much bidding and convincing. When Remus woke up in the middle of the night to find Sirius still curled up in his chair behind the desk, he decided he couldn’t let this go on.

He slipped out of the bed and walked over to him. Sirius continued cutting the video, not reacting to his presence even when Remus began massaging his shoulders.

“You have to sleep, love,” Remus said, focusing on getting the tension out of his muscles.

“I need to get this done.”

He bit his lip, debating how far to intrude. But with this lifestyle Sirius was hurting himself, and Remus couldn’t tolerate that. “Are you sure? Are you sure you’re not just doing it to keep yourself busy?”

Sirius’s hand stilled over the keyboard, but the room stayed silent for a few more breaths before he answered. “When I’m not concentrating, I’ll think about seeing them again. And… I can’t, Re. I’m scared.”

“So you distract yourself with work.”

Sirius nodded.

Remus moved one hand away from his shoulder, up his neck, fingers flitting over his jawline. “I can find other ways to distract you.”

That, for the first time, got Sirius to look at him with hope in his dark-ringed eyes. When he noticed that himself Sirius slumped against Remus, laughing.

“Oh, I see now why you’re really in this relationship,” Remus said amused, raking his fingers through Sirius’s hair.

He sighed. “I’m sorry, Moony. I’m a mess.”

“It’s ok. But I think we’re both in need of a change, don’t you?”

Sirius tilted his head, leaning into the touch. “What’s your idea?”

“It’s a surprise. I’ll show you in the morning. Come to bed for now.”

He nodded, yawning, and twisted himself around the backrest of the chair to nuzzle Remus’s shirt.

Remus chuckled. “Cuddling is only for people who change into their pyjamas and go to sleep.”

Sirius pouted, but saved the file and closed his laptop. Once ready, he snuggled into the curve of Remus’s body, reaching up to kiss his chin. “I love you,” he mumbled and fell asleep almost immediately. Remus wondered what in the world he had done to deserve something like this.

Luckily Sirius slept long and deep, because Remus still needed to clear his ‘surprise’ with the Potters. When the initial doubts and worries had been smoothed out, they were outright enthusiastic to help him prepare everything. Sirius woke up to a grinning Remus who pressed a cup of coffee in his hands and dangled car keys from his fingers. “Dress and drink up, we have places to go.”

The car was packed with their clothes and frightening amounts of food out of the Potters’ pantry, along with simple kitchen items Euphemia could do without, and a stack of books. Sirius was intrigued, to say the least.

He beamed when Remus parked in front of the building that hid his secret flat. They had managed to avoid lunch hour by a margin and hurried to carry everything inside before the streets would fill with workers on their lunch break. Finally shutting the door, they slumped against the wall in exhaustion.

“I can’t believe how much food you packed,” Sirius panted. “Did you prepare for a zombie apocalypse?”

Remus grimaced. “I accidentally told Euphemia you didn’t even have coffee, and she went in full-on mum mode.”

“I probably deserve it,” Sirius laughed.” It’s not like I have been able to make this flat more than inhabitable.”

That was his clue. Remus swallowed. Time to cough up the other reason they were here, except for a change of scenery. “Sirius, that has been kind of… part of my idea. You want to keep yourself busy, and I understand that, but maybe you could do something for yourself instead.” Remus didn’t dare to look over, but he could feel Sirius’s questioning gaze on him. “So, if you want to, I thought we could… decorate the flat together?”

He tore his eyes away from the hole in his jeans he was fumbling with and was surprised. If he had to describe Sirius’s expression, he’d go with a kid who had just gotten told he could raid the entire ice cream truck.

A smile formed on Remus’s face. “Is that a yes?”

Sirius _jumped_ on him, catching his mouth in an excited kiss even though they were both grinning too much.

“Oh God, Moony, yes,” he breathed. “It’s perfect.”

They couldn’t go out to do any furniture shopping, but Remus had planned for that. The sterile clean white walls had to be taken care of first, anyway. Ater Sirius and Remus had put everything they had brought into the corresponding rooms, they spent the rest of the day making a plan. For Sirius, it was important to keep everything light and modern, but rather simple than stuffed or luxurious. Remus voted for cosy corners and practicality. Both of them stubbornly ignored the fact that it sounded as if they were designing a home for the two of them instead of only for Sirius.

“At least we can keep the bed,” Sirius said when they went to sleep.

Remus huffed. “Yeah. Your number one priority when you moved in: a bed so big that it would be fit for two people.”

“Don’t act like you aren’t glad you can turn around without falling out of it now.“ They had made do with the twin bed in Sirius’s room at the Potters’, but there hadn’t been much room to move. Sleeping had only been possible pressed up against each other.

“True, but you’ll be clinging to me anyways,” Remus said.

Sirius shrugged and pulled on the shirt he would sleep in. “I had to make sure you don’t flinch away from me again and apologize for having stayed the night.”

They laughed, thinking back to that first night right in this room.

When they were tucked in and listening to the voices of the neighbours through the walls while the house slowly quieted down, Sirius’s voice reached him.

“Does it annoy you?” he asked hesitantly.

Remus blinked, confused. “What?”

In the dim light that fell into the room from the streetlamps outside, he believed to see a slight blush on Sirius’s cheeks. But maybe that was just his imagination, based on his knowledge of Sirius and the tone of his voice.

“That I’m clinging.”

Oh. He was still struggling with those doubts. Remus scooted closer, if possible, and sneaked his arms around Sirius’s waist. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but most of the times I’m clinging back. You wouldn’t be able to move away from me if you tried.”

Slight amusement creeped into Sirius’s voice, snuffing out the worries. “That sounds like a threat.”

“It will be if you get the ridiculous idea that I’m annoyed by your cuddling.”

Sirius laughed into his chest. “I’m being stupid.”

“Never,” said Remus, kissing the crown of his head. “You just need reassurance. That’s ok.”

The doorbell rang after they had just finished breakfast. Sirius looked up, confused since as good as no one knew he lived here, but Remus smiled. He opened the door to find Lily’s friends, who he had gotten to know over his first weeks in London.

“One special hardware store delivery,” Marlene grinned and pressed two large bags into his hand. Dorcas, behind her, carried three more. “The wall paint you ordered, brushes and paint rollers, masking tape, canvas to cover the furniture; everything you need for a DIY renovation. Have fun.”

“You are angels.” Remus took the bags from Dorcas and hugged both of them.

“Anything or our new national LGBT+ icons,” Marlene said, and laughed when Remus hid his face in his hands.

“Be proud of yourself, Remus,” Dorcas told him. “And you too.” She pointed at Sirius, who had appeared behind him. “Seeing someone they admire in a happy homosexual relationship really means the world to a lot of kids out there.”

“Not that we’d personally still need it.” Marlene stood on tip-toes to kiss her cheek. “But we’ve been there, and it’s always good to know you’re not alone.”

Sirius, who had peeked into the bags, said, “Thank you. This is great.”

She waved him off. “Don’t mention it. We’re glad to help.”

“Do you want to stay for a cup of coffee?”

Dorcas shook her head. “Thanks, but we have to go. Have fun, you two.”

Marlene waved and they turned away, walking down the street hand in hand.

A few hours later every piece of furniture had been moved out of the sparse kitchen and masking tape lined the walls. Sirius had insisted on taking before-and-after photos, and since the camera was still here he recorded a bit while Remus started to paint, explaining what they were doing and what the plan was. He’d make a video series out of it later.

“Are you going to help now or do I have to do this by myself?” Remus called.

“Coming, Moony!” Sirius aimed the camera at the wall he’d be doing, for a time lapse, and bounced to Remus to get his paint roller.

He ended up filming quite a lot, but didn’t watch or cut anything of it yet. This was time to get a break from that.

After three days, though, when people hadn’t heard from them except for twitter posts, and were getting cranky, Sirius started a livestream while they were working on the living room.

“The TV will be over there, so the area around it will be darker than the rest of the room.” He pointed to a wall of which a large rectangle was separated by tape.

Reading the comments, he said, “Someone’s asking if we fought over the design. Well, we certainly had to compromise at some points. Remus wanted to make the kitchen pink with white flowers, so I had to keep him at bay.”

Remus turned in a flash around and flicked the dark green paint off his brush. He had aimed well. The spray of paint hit the side of Sirius’s face, splashing on his cheek and getting caught in his hair. “Liar!” he called while Sirius was still too perplexed to react. “It’s been the other way around!”

Sirius prepared to get revenge, but Remus stopped him with a smirk. “You can’t, the wall behind me is already done.”

He had forgotten about the paint roller that lay, waiting for further use, on a newspaper behind Sirius. Sirius jumped back, grabbed it, and lunged forward. Remus tried to get away, but wasn’t entirely successful.

“You should see him,” Sirius snickered. “The entire left side of his neck and his ear and hair is cream white.”

While Sirius was focused on the incoming comments again, Remus dashed forward. Seemingly out of nowhere Sirius had a wide, dark green streak that ran from his forehead over his nose and cheek down to his jaw.

He pulled a resolute face, said, “Excuse me, friends and allies, but there’s a war going on,” and ended the livestream.

There was war. They ended up posting photos of themselves, both completely covered in specks and streaks of paint in different colours.

It was, indeed, a good distraction. Sirius would have even forgotten the court hearing if Remus hadn’t reminded him it was the next day. After that he didn’t have much time to worry anymore, but Remus spent the night whispering calming words in his ear, reassurance and promises that everything would be ok.

Euphemia took Sirius in her arms as soon as he was out of the car. James stood behind him, a look of grim determination on his face, and grabbed Sirius’s shoulder as if to transfer strength through his grip.

“Where’s Lily?” Remus asked.

“In the middle of that,” James said, pointing to a horde of shouting journalists and flashing cameras. “Come on, let’s get inside before they see you.”

They were not so lucky. The reporters were almost violently persistent even though Sirius and Remus refused to answer any questions, but most of them were deterred when a flock of shiny black, pompous cars arrived. Orion and Walburga Black climbed out of the first one.

Sirius turned away sharply and stalked into the building, the others following him. They were already seated when the Blacks and their battalion of lawyers and supporters filled the room. Sirius sat at a table in the front with Madam Bones, Remus and James right behind him.

Remus took a closer look at the Blacks’ lawyers. They were stiffly-dressed, stern-looking people. None of them were smiling, except a plump woman with too much pink on her clothes who was speaking with the judge, a too-wide fake smile on her large mouth. It reminded Remus strangely of a toad.

“The Blacks hired Gamp&Co,” Euphemia explained quietly, following his gaze. “They’re one of the oldest and largest law firms in London. Not many big cases are argued without them being somehow involved.”

The judge called for the hearing to begin, and after the formal introduction Madam Bones read the official accusation. In the following push-and-pull between both sides Remus didn’t understand half of what was going on, until it was time to show the evidence.

Watching the videos of Sirius’s statements was heart-wrenching. He hadn’t cried, mostly delivering the reports with a face as still as ice and his eyes just as dead. It tore at Remus’s heart and soul. He shifted his gaze from the Sirius on the screen to the real one, wanting to press his hand, kiss his forehead, comfort him somehow. He could see his breath coming out shorter and harder. Madam Bones leaned over to him and said something, but Sirius jerked his head in no. She had probably asked him if he wanted to wait outside, and Sirius, stubborn and determined not to show weakness in front of his parents (or anyone else) had refused. He would endure this. Remus was torn between pride and exasperation.

After Andromeda’s statements had been presented, too, the discussion grew more heated with every minute. As far as Remus could follow, the Blacks’ lawyers persisted that the statements of two individuals, who recently had unrelated conflicts with the accused, were not enough. It probably would have been enough in any other case. Madam Bones, though, was prepared.

“If you are not convinced of the validity of the evidence, we have another witness,” she said.

A murmur ran through the audience. Sirius turned to Remus, one eyebrow cocked in question, but Remus was just as clueless. The Potters looked confused, too.

Madam Bones barged on. “One who has not had an—as you say—“unrelated conflict” with Mr. and Mrs. Black and is indeed so far quite on good terms with them.”

The judge called for silence. “And where is this witness?”

“Waiting outside. Should I get him?”

“Please.”

Agitated whispers followed Madam Bones while she strode out of the room and vanished. Remus saw, happily, that Walburga and Orion Black hissed angrily at their lawyers, who argued hectically with each other. They had no idea who that new witness was.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Madam Bones said upon returning. Every eye in the crowd turned to her. “I present to you Mr. Regulus Arcturus Black. Regulus, if you’d follow me.”

Their steps echoed in the shocked silence that followed. Regulus was clearly uncomfortable when he passed the cold and threatening stares of his parents, avoiding them at every cost. They took their seats, Madam Bones now winged by one of the Black brothers on each side. Sirius tipped his chair back and hissed something at his younger brother, but Regulus shook his head, staring blankly at the judge.

He went through the necessary procedures to give testimony, and Madam Bones took charge again.

“The verbal and physical abuse of the victim Sirius Orion Black has been an ongoing practice in the Black household since he was a child. If you do not believe his statements, his younger brother, Regulus, who has grown up in the same household, will be able to verify them.” She turned to him. “Regulus, is it true that Sirius has been regularly verbally and physically abused by your parents?”

He swallowed. “It is.”

If looks could kill, he would have died nine horrible, painful deaths by his mother’s glare alone. “Regulus,” she hissed, “don’t be stupid. Stop this.”

“Silence!” the judge called. “Mr. Black, what is your experience regarding abuse in your household?”

“I myself have not suffered from our parents’ harsher methods,” he said, voice quiet but firm. “But there hasn’t been a day when Sirius didn’t get insulted, and not a week without him being slapped, hit, lashed out at, or otherwise hurt. Everything he said in the videos is true. I’ve seen them.” Sirius stiffened at that, but Regulus’s eyes flickered only briefly in his direction. “I was not always present, and there has probably happened much more than I am aware of. I don’t know what they did most of the times, especially when Sirius has in some way done something they didn’t like, but I heard the screams. It went on for hours, sometimes.”

The blood boiled in Remus’s veins and he clenched his hands, wishing sincerely that Walburga’s head was crushed between them. James, next to him, seemed to have similar thoughts if the way he glared at Orion was any indication.

“Why have you not been victim of the abuse, verbally or otherwise?” The judge asked.

“Because I subsided adopt my parents’ attitudes, no matter how contradictory they seemed with morality,” Regulus said simply.

“What do you mean, exactly?”

“It’s not strictly relevant for this case. I think you’ll learn about it in Sirius’s and Miss Evans’s work, your honor.” Everyone knew what he was talking about. Everyone had watched the videos.

The judge nodded. “What has motivated you to give testimony now, then? It will destroy the good terms you had with your parents.”

“You have already destroyed them,” Walburga hissed before she could be shushed by her lawyers. “Traitor.”

The crowd collectively gasped at these words. Regulus, though, seemed shaken but not surprised.

“Those weren’t good terms,” he said. “Those were fake terms. I knew that one misstep could bring me the same fate. I chose to testify today because Sirius made the right choices, the ones I was too afraid to make. It was my chance to set things right again when Madam Bones approached me and said she could offer me protection from my parents.”

The opposing lawyers tried to wind their way out of it, but it was no use anymore. Madam Bones invalidated their every argument with perfectly aimed questions at Regulus and Sirius. When Walburga cracked and screamed at Regulus that, had they known of his intentions, he wouldn’t have been able to speak a single word today, and that he deserved the same treatment as his brother, the verdict was practically spoken. Orion and Walburga Black wouldn’t have the opportunity to hurt anyone anymore.

Why some journalists thought Sirius would repeat his story in front of their cameras when he had relied on video-recorded statements in court, Remus had no idea. They were, of course, equally obsessed with Regulus, but Sirius could function enough to pull him away from the attention and into their car while James distracted the reporters with funny comments that held absolutely no content. He was pretty good at it.

“How is it,” Sirius said in the car, “that my little brother, youngest heir to the noble and most ancient house of Black, always the good son, pride of the family, suddenly has the balls to go against his parents? I still can’t decide whether that was noble and honorable or reckless and stupid.”

“Shut up or I’ll retract everything I’ve said.”

A grin split Sirius’s face. “Too late. You’re with us now, and will have to suffer through the victory cake-eating that Euphemia doubtlessly prepared.”

“God help me,” Regulus muttered while Remus started the car, but it sounded relieved. Maybe a little nervous, too.

Sirius made a short livestream during the car ride, announcing to the world that he was now a free man who could go out in public without fear of being knocked out by a hitman. The mood at the Potters’, where Euphemia indeed had a cake waiting, was all around merry. Lily didn’t join them since she had returned to the office—how she put up with the constant questions Remus couldn’t imagine—but Andromeda was there. Regulus tried to stay in the background as much as possible, but he couldn’t escape being celebrated as a hero.

“What’s your plan now?” Fleamont asked him.

He turned a ring around his finger, a nervous habit of his. “I could technically return to Black Manor since mum and dad are away, but…”

Euphemia shook her head vehemently. “Out of question. You’re not returning to that black hole of a house anytime soon. If you have nowhere else to stay, we’ll be happy to take you in.”

A smile tugged at Regulus’s lips. “ _Black_ hole?”

The rest of the table broke out into laughter while Euphemia groaned. “You’re just as insufferable as your brother, but we’ll put up with it.”

The smile vanished. “Really, Mrs. Potter, I appreciate it, but I don’t want to be a burden. I’ll figure something out.”

“Nonsense,” Fleamont intervened. “Our house is open for you if you want it. I imagine we have the room now.” To Remus’s surprise, his eyes did not only flicker to him and Sirius with a smirk, but also to his own son. Even on James’s darker skin the deep shade of red was impressive.

Remus, who hadn’t missed the increasingly friendly and personal conversations between him and Lily in the past weeks, chuckled. “Taking over my flat, James?”

“You’re not one to talk,” James said. “And besides, I’ll only be visiting.”

“Hmm, sure,” Sirius added. “Staying for dinner… maybe over night when it gets too late to drive home… I was already surprised she hasn’t killed you yet. Your temporary alliance is evolving into a real liaison, Prongs.”

Everyone except James burst into laughter.


	13. Last chapter(s)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CWs for two or three very vague mentions of child abuse, and of some queerphobia. But it's all really mild. They've been through enough, it's time to let them have some peace. This is why this is less of a chapter and more of a collection of moments. Don't miss the notes at the end, though ;)

Even though it had been barely one day of action, Sirius felt like he needed some quiet time immediately after the hassle. He was glad to stay inside with Remus once again to finish painting the rooms. After three days, though, they finally got ready to go out into public. Not that they _wanted_ to attract attention, but now that the walls were done they really needed some furniture.

Sirius trusted Remus to know where to go, since he had never done anything like this. Remus pulled him from one shop to the next, and by the end of the week they had quite a collection. With the help of warm colours, dark kitchen surfaces, leather armchairs in the living room and a whole lot of other things, they managed to stay with their original theme: modern but cosy. Neither of them pretended it was only for Sirius anymore.

Sirius carried two fresh cups of tea into the living room, looking forward to a quiet evening to celebrate their successfully furnished apartment after a week of shopping, dealing with reporters and stalking fans, loading and unloading, assembling, and having workers in the house to install the kitchen. Remus took the cup gratefully but didn’t drink from it, staring off into space and tapping his foot instead.

“Everything ok?” Sirius asked.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, everything great.” He stopped his foot-tapping, but set his cup down and started fumbling with his the seam of his sleeve. Now _that_ was a tell-tale sign.

“You’re nervous about something.”

Remus sighed, hiding his face in his hands. “You know me too well.”

“You didn’t do a very good job at hiding it, Moons.” He set his own cup down. “Is there some way I can help?”

Remus huffed and glanced up at him through his fingers. “Frankly, no, because it’s about you.”

Sirius tensed. About him? Had he done something, pushed over some edge? Was the shared flat too soon?

“Not in _that_ way about you,” Remus said quickly upon seeing his reaction. “If anything, it’s my fault.”

“It isn’t,” Sirius said automatically.

Remus laughed. “Thanks for your trust, Pads. But if I decide to buy something, I don’t see how it can be anyone else’s fault.”

Sirius scooted closer, putting an arm around Remus and pressing a kiss to his temple. “Why would you be nervous about buying something?”

“Because… I don’t know how you will react.” He leaned his head against Sirius’s.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, love, but I’m sure it can’t be that bad. You must have had your reasons. Whatever it is, I can promise I won’t be angry or something like that.”

Remus took a deep breath. “Just… don’t freak out, ok?”

A little bit confused, Sirius nodded, and Remus left the room. He returned with a large, flat box that he put down carefully on the carpet before stepping away.

“Go on, open up.”

Curiosity took over and Sirius opened the package. The first thing he found was dark wood. Then a rectangular mirror, large enough to see the face and entire upper body in it once hung up, slid out of the box. The wood of the frame was old and battered, but the glass was clear as ever. It was the photos stuck under the frame, though, that caught his eye.

He looked up at Remus incredulously. “For me?”

He nodded sheepishly. “I thought you might like it – I mean, it seemed to fit you – “

“Re, it’s perfect,” Sirius breathed. “These pictures… they give off a feeling like everything I wanted to be when I was still stuck with my parents.”

All the tension left Remus’s body. “Good, that’s… that’s what I thought. I’m glad you like it.”

Sirius’s fingers trailed over the frame. “When did you buy it? When we were at this vintage store on Wednesday?”

Suddenly he was extremely nervous again, tugging at his sleeve and swallowing before he answered. “Actually, I bought that a few weeks ago.”

Sirius froze. “What?”

“After… you know, the bar. Our first night together. I knew it was completely irrational and inappropriate, but I saw it and it was just so _you –_ “

“Remus, that was almost two months ago!”

His shoulders slumped, but his tone was dry when he said, “Now you see why I was being nervous.”

Sirius laughed and stood up, guiding Remus to the couch. He gathered him against his chest. “You have no right to be nervous about this when I was the one who fucking _fled_ the ball when I noticed you were there.”

Two uncertain amber eyes looked up at him. “What do you mean? You knew I was there; you got Lily to call me.”

Sirius could feel the heat creep up into his face. “The first ball, Remus.”

His eyes bulged out. “Because of _me?_ I thought – your mother – “

“I’d have put up with it. Wouldn’t have been the first time. But then suddenly you stood there, with Lily, and I couldn’t risk you seeing me.”

“I had seen you already,” Remus deadpanned. “Hard to miss when you’re sitting at the front table.”

“I mean, I couldn’t risk you seeing that I had seen you.”

“Ah, right. And I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

Sirius head-butted him lightly. “We’ve been over that! I’m sorry!”

“All right, all right,” Remus laughed. “Forgiven.”

They looked down at the mirror, holding each other.

“Where should we hang it up?” Sirius asked.

* * *

While they had been painting and shopping and furnishing, Lily had finished her and Sirius’s project. They still planned to go over details in additions, but the most important part was ready for the world to see. As soon as it was published, hundreds of messages started pouring in. Sirius had to turn his phone silent since it wouldn’t stop pinging. Expecting this, he had already announced a livestream the day before to answer the most frequent questions.

It had started pretty light-heartedly, but once they checked off the content-related questions it got darker and darker. Sirius thought he was handling himself well so far—even in the face of imputations and insults. Remus sitting behind the camera was doing wonders to his temper and mood.

“I’m not exaggerating. I’m not doing it to spite anybody. I’m saying all of this because it’s just the truth, and you deserve to know it,” he said. “We still live in a democracy, alright? If enough people come together, we can change something. The old families only held so much power until now because of tradition. It’s not in the law or something.” He frowned at a comment that accused him quite elaborately of throwing over the government to claim the power himself. “What would I get out of it? You still think I’m doing this for personal benefits? In case you haven’t noticed, I already gave it all up before any of this started. My parents might be convicted now, but they still disowned me. There’s no chance for me to gain anything from this, and I wouldn’t want it anyway. I’m working. I have a home. I’m happy. We’re happy.”

He studied the following remarks a moment before he burst out laughing. “So someone just said if I know that much about it then I should go back and use it. Play those political games I know so well. I’m sorry, my friend, but you have no say in this. Why would I want to? I just got finally out of there.”

He couldn’t believe people were sincere about the answers that came in. “Because it’s what people _expect_ of me now?” he asked, amused. Having payed attention to the screen, he hadn’t seen Remus stand up. Suddenly there was an arm around him and a voice dripping of sarcasm next to his ear.

“Well, no choice then, Sirius. What does personal happiness count when there are things you _should_ be doing?”

Sirius looked up at him thankfully. Honest explanations had failed. Logic and facts were no use with these people. Only humour could help them now. He chuckled. “I would have thought I had established by now that I don’t care much about expectations. What do I have to do to make that clear, Remus?”

“Hmm…” He made a thinking face. “Not lead a fine pureblood life… Not look down on other people… you’ve got that done. Defy your family… Even got them arrested. A bit over the top if you ask me. Saying the truth instead of manipulating and exploiting people… that was _really_ unexpected. If that didn’t do the trick – oh!” He brightened up for a second but looked crestfallen immediately. “No, forget it. That would be decidedly too much.”

“What?” Sirius asked desperately, fighting hard to keep the act up. “Tell me.”

Remus was unfairly good at this. He managed to look perfectly embarrassed, looking down at his shoes with a slight blush on his cheeks. “Well, I had the idea that you _could_ turn out to be queer. That’s, like, the definition of defying the public’s expectations, isn’t it?” Now the smirk was creeping on his face, too. Good, because Sirius already had a full-blown grin on his. He loved this man too damn much. What a way to appear in a livestream for the first time. People were probably freaking out right now.

“You’re right, that would be completely over-the-top,” Sirius said and moved in for a kiss while he reached out with one hand to turn off the camera.

* * *

“I don’t even know what to do with myself, now that I know right from the start you’re here,” Remus mocked. To celebrate the end of an eventful summer, James had talked them into a double-date dance night. They had agreed under the condition that it would be the international club again; being recognized in public really wasn’t necessary tonight.

“Would you like that I disappear first and approach you unexpectedly on the dancefloor?” Sirius asked innocently.

“Hmm, no. I think I’d like to stay close to my boyfriend.”

They made their way towards the bar, where James and Lily were already waiting.

“Making sure I don’t do anything stupid?” Sirius teased.

“Making sure no one else tries to do anything stupid to you.”

Sirius marvelled at the heated look that took over his eyes for a second, but it was gone as quickly as it came. Remus said happily, “Hi, Lils. Prongs. Hey Jack!”

The barkeeper nearly spilled the drink he was mixing. “Blimey,” he said with wide eyes, but his face soon turned into a wicked grin. “Lying low for weeks and then you decide to turn up here?” He leaned over the counter. “Come here; give an absolutely ecstatic fanboy a hug. What can I get you?”

Sirius and Remus laughed and embraced him. They chatted pleasantly while he prepared their drinks, and Sirius couldn’t believe that the last time he was here he been hiding at a table around the corner, desperately listening to every word that was being said. He hadn’t even known the name of the man who was now openly interlacing their fingers. Sirius felt like the luckiest guy on earth.

While James and Lily still talked with Jack, neither Sirius nor Remus could postpone the real reason they were here any longer.

“Where did you learn?” Sirius asked when Remus led him onto the dancefloor.

“My mum taught me when I was young, and then I attended multiple dance classes over the years. Ballroom dancing, hip-hop, Latino, you name it.” He laid Sirius’s hands on his hips and they started to sway to the music. “What about you?”

“We were instructed in ballroom dancing since the age of five,” Sirius said. “I loved it, but I couldn’t let my mother have that satisfaction.”

Remus laughed. “So you learned every style of dancing that your parents wouldn’t approve of?”

He hummed in agreement. “The dirty stuff especially pissed her off.”

“I can imagine.”

Remus gave him a first twirl, and after that they were both gone. Caught in some kind of trance, like every time they had danced, but a thousand times better now that they had learned every tick and habit of each other over the past few weeks. It was intoxicating, and dizzying, and just _easy_. Moving with Remus was easy. Accepting the impulses he gave was easy. Sirius lost himself in the sensation of it all. He never wanted to stop again.

So, when Remus pressed his hand and told him he’d be right back, Sirius decided to stay on the dancefloor. He danced for himself between all the other people, even though it wasn’t half as good as with his partner. After some time he wondered briefly why Remus took so long, but shrugged it off at the thought that he was probably refreshing himself at the bar.

It took him completely by surprise when slim fingers circled his wrist. Sirius’s breath caught. His steps faltered.

“You’re losing the rhythm,” Remus smirked into his ear.

Taking a shuttering breath, Sirius concentrated on what he was doing. That hadn’t been necessary until now. It was ridiculous how much this affected him.

In an attempt to distract from it, he teased, “What took you so long? I thought you wanted to stay close.”

He should have known better.

Remus pressed up against him. “Close enough?” he murmured.

The warmth engulfed Sirius, violent and soft at the same time. His legs only kept moving because Remus’s pushed against them. He had to lean into the chest that supported him from behind. His head fell back on Remus’s shoulder.

“My, Starlight, am I overwhelming you?” Remus chuckled. “Who would have guessed you wouldn’t be holding up against your own methods?”

Sirius swallowed. He hadn’t known. He hadn’t known what it was like to be surprised, so completely caught off guard, with something so wonderful. What it was like to have fingers enclose his wrist, not afraid to touch him, to take him, even, not to treat him like an article of value or like a misbehaving boy who only needed a hard hand against his cheek. He hadn’t known what it was like to be absolutely overpowered by someone who only wanted to keep him safe and loved. Sirius whimpered.

Remus held him against his chest and slowed their steps to a minimum. He pressed a kiss to Sirius’s neck. “What do you need, love?”

Sirius tilted his head, baring his neck to give himself over completely, but Remus shook his head. “What do you need? Is it time to go home?”

He nodded, slightly ashamed to be done so early, but Remus steered them to the door without question. He seemed to know what Sirius was thinking. “We can come back anytime. It was wonderful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know it said Last chapter(s), but we're still missing a piece of the puzzle. They still haven't found out how all the information about Remus got to the public. While Sirius and Remus will need a few months for that, you only have to wait for one more day. Then we'll have reached the 14/14 chapters, and my first longer complete story is out in the world to judge and enjoy.


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know they've done it when you don't have to put up any CWs in the notes.

“Padfoot?” Remus called. “I’m home!” When he hung up his jacket, his eyes fell naturally upon the mirror. It was placed so that it was the first thing that greeted everyone who entered the flat, and the last thing you looked at before leaving. It hadn’t simply stayed with the original photos, though: one morning, Remus had come downstairs to find a picture of the full moon stuck under the frame, the moonlight caught rather spectacularly in the black-and-white photo. Sirius had claimed that the original pictures alone didn’t represent his life completely anymore. A week after their flat was finally furnished, he had taken a picture of Remus’s stuffed bookshelf, and a steaming mug of hot chocolate followed soon after. After a day trip to Oxford with James and Lily, she had passed them an enveloped, grinning. In it was a photo she had taken of their hands, fingers interlocked. Sirius’s arm on one side, with leather jacket and punk bracelets and silver rings on the fingers; on the other the too-long sleeve of Remus’s woolen jumper bushing up over his wrist.  
James had been equally smothered with thank-you’s a few months later, when he had caught two pairs of dancing feet in a picture, almost standing between each other, more people blurry in the background. Remus smiled. It wouldn’t be the last photo that was added.

Sirius pounded down the stairs, stretching up to place a kiss on his cheek in greeting. Remus laughed and grabbed his chin, turning it into a full-blown passionate kiss, but grinning all the while.  
Sirius was left slightly dazed, but with a twinkle in his eyes. “What’s the occasion?”  
“Do I need an occasion?” Remus asked, opening the top buttons of his shirt for relaxation, and strode into the room they had turned into his office. He set down his messenger bag on the desk.  
Sirius trailed after him. “Well, I hope not, but since you can’t seem to stop smiling I guess something good has happened anyways.”  
“True.” Remus took his hand and pulled him into the living room, settling on the couch. “Remember that scumbag Snape, the teacher I’m always complaining about? Because he’s tyrannizing his students, and a complete git on top of that?”  
Sirius scowled. “The one with the greasy hair?”  
“That’s the one,” he agreed. Sirius had met Snape briefly when he was visiting Remus at work. Even during the short encounter both men had developed a disgust and scorn for each other that bordered on hatred.  
“What happened to him? Please tell me a student pushed him down the stairs or something,” Sirius groaned.  
Remus chuckled. “Metaphorically, maybe, you could say that McGonagall kicked him down the entrance stairs.” She was the Deputy Headmistress of the school Remus was working at, and not to mess with. The real headmaster didn’t turn up often and McGonagall held as much executive power as him anyways.  
“What? Really?” Sirius gasped. “How?”  
“The important question is why.” Remus stretched in satisfaction. “She found out that it was him who passed the Prophet all that information about me. It was shortly after my introduction week there, so he recognized me in the photos on TV. He called the biggest newspaper he could think of as soon as he had made sure. Read everything finely off my application papers.”  
“Why didn’t we find out earlier?”  
“He’s been shielded by the purebloods in exchange for his actions. He isn’t one of them, but he’s got connections.”  
Sirius scoffed. “Should have guessed. He seemed like it.”  
“Anyway, that didn’t stop McGonagall,” Remus smiled smugly. “That woman is a terror when you get on her bad side.”  
“She fired him?”  
“Yeah, but only after she collected the evidence to charge him for giving away my personal data.”  
“Damn,” Sirius whispered. “Badass move.”  
“You bet,” Remus grinned. “But that’s not even the best bit.”  
“Hit me.”  
“It’s genius, because as a side effect it will piss Snape off most of all—what could spite him more than giving his classes over to me? I was worried because of my episodes, but McGonagall wouldn’t hear anything against it. She said we’d find a way around that.”  
Sirius seemed to be about to explode with pride. “You’re a real teacher now!”  
“I am!” Remus laughed. “No assistant anymore. I’m nervous, but it’s time to show those students that classes don’t have to be terror.”  
“You’ll be the best teacher they ever had,” Sirius said, and caught him in a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand we've reached the end! It wasn't Peter after all (he somehow didn't fit into this story. I liked the idea as it was). Peter betrayed James and Lily in canon; Snape is the one who was responsible for ultimately spilling Remus's secrets. It would be awesome if you could let me know what you think of it all. Thank you for staying until the very end!!


End file.
